Nervous habits in preschoolers - when / how to intervene?

[MumToEva]

My daughter has just turned 4. She has always been a nervous child, but in the last 4 - 6 months she has started sticking her tongue out / down whenever she is in the company of people she doesn't know, particularly if they ask her a question. It's definitely off-putting for people, and it stops some people from seeing the sweet little girl that she is behind her shyness.

So far I haven't discussed it with her - I've been hoping she will just stop it as she gets a little older, but I'm beginning to wonder if I need to tackle it before it gets too engrained and she finds it hard to break?

Any thoughts appreciated!

 

[adrie]

Maybe just explain that it's not nice to do and people will not appreciate being treated that way? That would be my instinct in that situation. I would also consider making it personal, like "how would you feel if this happened to you?" sort of a conversation to build upon her empathy a bit.

 

[Srrme]

My 4 year old does this too! I'll be following for advice.

 

[sweetcheeks78]

Personally I wouldn't mention it. My eldest is a sensitive soul and does display habitual ‘tics’ like this now and again. Clearing his throat is the current one, which he did before. I actually took him to the GP about it and he advised that it is best ignored. I’ve since read up on these things and the advice is consistent; don’t draw attention to it. Funnily enough when he is uncomfortable/shy or unsure how to react to a situation he also opens his mouth and sticks his tongue out. I take it as a cue to help him out, either be rewording the question he’s been asked or saying something that will nudge him to find the appropriate response while giving him a reassuring squish  . He’s 6 now, and much more confident in social situations than he used to be but I still see signs of his shyness now and again.

 

[emma4g63]

I wouldnt say dd is nervous at all.
She does the stickin tonguw out thing to strangers snd hand in front of mouth
I thought it was normal behaviour..

As most kids take a while to come round to ppl xx

 

[MamaE]

I agree with a few others above. That doesn't sound like a tic, but more like disinterest, which is totally normal.

I think you have to say something to her, she's old enough to know/understand the difference. I have a 4 yo DD also, and when she does things such as this, I call her on it. She's not a baby anymore, it's time to learn socially acceptable behavior. If you ignore it, you'll have a 5 yo who sticks her tongue out at strangers.

 

[MumToEva]

Sorry, I've made it sound like she sticks her tongue out AT strangers - what I mean is that she puts her tongue out whenever she gets in any way anxious, which quite often happens during social situations. And by sticking her tongue out I mean she drops her jaw and pushes her tongue up rather than the way an adult would stick there tongue out at someone. She even does with her aunts / uncles / cousins who she sees regularly, just not everyday - it will take her half an hour to become familiar enough with them again to be able to talk in front of them. And she does it if I try to take her picture too - though if I say "no, don't stick your tongue out, say cheese and give me a smile" she can correct it, though the resulting smile tends to be quite awkward.

I'm tempted to keep ignoring it a while longer, as she is such a sensitive little thing - I think drawing attention to it may increase her shyness further.

 

[sweetcheeks78]

I agree with a few others above. That doesn't sound like a tic, but more like disinterest, which is totally normal.

I think you have to say something to her, she's old enough to know/understand the difference. I have a 4 yo DD also, and when she does things such as this, I call her on it. She's not a baby anymore, it's time to learn socially acceptable behavior. If you ignore it, you'll have a 5 yo who sticks her tongue out at strangers.

From what OP describes though, it doesn't sound like she's doing it to be rude or naughty, she's doing it out of nervousness. I really can sympathise as my DS does the same thing. If it was naughtiness then fine, I'd tell him to quit it and behave but it's not. I was a very shy child too, and when he does it I really feel for him as I know he's feeling really unsure of himself and needs a bit of reassurance.

 

[Padan1111]

Hiya

Being a very shy person myself and anxious around new people I wouldn't draw attention a tic at this stage. She may not realise she's doing it and it being aware of it may increase her anxiety as she is additionally concerned about offending people!