Never had a baby shower, should I throw my own?

[WantsALittle1]

Pardon my ignorance on baby showers but I thought a friend was supposed to throw them for you, and it has not happened for us.

So this is our third, but I've never had a baby shower. With DD(3), she was born at 31 weeks due to an emergency, so the shower that a friend had been planning was cancelled for obvious reasons. With DS, I assume because it was my second child, there was no shower? Nobody ever offered one and we felt silly planning our own and inviting people.

This is our third and final child, is it lame for me to throw myself a baby shower? I want the experience just once of playing all the silly games and making a cute cake, etc. It's not about getting clothes and supplies, we already have plenty from the older kiddos. It's really that I'd love to have a celebration of my pregnancy/baby just once.

Would that be weird?

 

[xSweetTartx]

I don't think it's weird at all. For me, I feel like it's a child's first true birthday party because we are celebrating their impending arrival. I'm sure your family and friends would enjoy getting together to celebrate with you. It's tons of fun and if this baby is your last, why not go out with a bang

 

[laila 44]

Well in my circle you only have a baby shower for your first. It's pretty unheard of to have a shower on your third pregnancy. That being said though I'd throw myself a nice lunch party if I were you and play games etc and not necessarily call it a baby shower but rather a baby welcoming? I think it could be very cute! Go for it xx

 

[WantsALittle1]

Laila part of the issue is that I never got a shower for my first because she came at 31 weeks, and the shower was planned for 36 weeks Then when the second came around, it's sorta like everyone forgot that I never got one for the first, and just used the "this is the second baby, so no shower needed" rule. So it's really just me being bummed that this is an experience I've never had. I've thrown a baby shower for someone, invites, games, food, cakes and all, but nobody's ever done the same for me.

I know I sound wimpy but it's just an experience I wanted at least once

ETA: I think your lunch idea is a great one. May end up doing just that and being like yo, everyone, we're playing baby themed games and eating cupcakes, and you're all going to ooh and ahh at my ultrasound pics right now!

 

[eva1978]

I totally feel you OP. I'm pregnant with #3, and probably our last baby, and I've never had a baby shower.

Main reason is (I think) because where I was living at the time when I was pregnant with DS1 I had recently(ish) moved to so didn't have a lot of friends, esp. female ones. Also no family around. Plus it wasn't "the cultural norm" there to really have baby showers in the first place. But I'm from a culture where it's almost an expected thing, so naturally I was kinda bummed about it.

I hadn't thought about throwing one for myself. I think the idea that someone suggested already -- having a lunch or brunch and not calling it a shower, but something else baby-related, is a great idea and wouldn't be seen as too weird

 

[joeybrooks]

I feel a bit the same. I live in Ireland and a baby shower is really a very american thing to us and my mum said that she thought it was a silly idea so I didnt bother. With this one, which is definitely my last, I thought it would be a nice idea.

I now realise how much your life changes when a baby arrives and how much less time you have to spend with your friends - especially in the early days - so I think it would be lovely to get a few of my closest friends together for a nice lunch/tea party just to have a bit of a catch up before I have the baby.

I will probably just tell my best friend, sister and mum that I'd like to do something and hope that they take over lol.

 

[Lues]

I was in a similar situation this time (with my first.)

I COMPLETELY say throw it yourself if you want to. I like the idea of maybe not calling it that. But I also say if you want to call it that, go for it.

I'm not big on etiquette though. I think if you want to ask someone to do it with you, you should just ask, and if you want to do it yourself, you should absolutely it. Honestly, more than half the time I don't even think people will realize that you're throwing it yourself. Have them RSVP to your husband or to someone else if that makes you more comfortable.

Like you said, it's not about presents. It's about engulfing yourself in baby celebrations. Why deprive yourself of an experience? Throw yourself a I'm-Having-A-Baby DAY!

You deserve it.

 

[WantsALittle1]

I was in a similar situation this time (with my first.)

I COMPLETELY say throw it yourself if you want to. I like the idea of maybe not calling it that. But I also say if you want to call it that, go for it.

I'm not big on etiquette though. I think if you want to ask someone to do it with you, you should just ask, and if you want to do it yourself, you should absolutely it. Honestly, more than half the time I don't even think people will realize that you're throwing it yourself. Have them RSVP to your husband or to someone else if that makes you more comfortable.

Like you said, it's not about presents. It's about engulfing yourself in baby celebrations. Why deprive yourself of an experience? Throw yourself a I'm-Having-A-Baby DAY!

You deserve it.

That's how I feel Lues, and thanks for saying about calling it a baby shower if I want to. It's a little sad to me to think of having something but not being able to call it a baby shower. A friend of mine has gotten huge baby showers for all 4 of her kids--her church and family have gotten together and celebrated each one.

I feel like such a baby for even making this post, however there is a lot that goes along with being the parent of a preemie that can feel very isolating if that's the right word. The experience of leaving the hospital without a baby, of using up maternity leave on NICU trips instead of bonding time, the procedures and constant scares of having a sick child, and there has been this grieving process that a lot of the 'normal' things like going into labor, having a baby shower, we totally missed out on. I know I am probably just oversensitive with pregnancy hormones, but I guess a lot of it stems from my long unresolved feelings of being shafted out of the normal pregnancy/birth experience. Yikes :/

 

[Lues]

I could absolutely see that. It's certainly not the experience you had revved yourself up for. Most people I know have something for every baby too (maybe not as big of a shower, but something). I've thrown three myself actually and none of them were for first time parents.

People throw their own regular parties, what's the difference?

Are there going to be people who may raise their eyebrows? Yup. But there would be anyway for one reason or another!!! And probably the same people! lol. (although often they mean well)

Do it! Do it YOUR way.

I'm having males at mine. I have more male friends and family than female and it would seem really weird. It would basically just be my husband's family and two or three girlfriends. LOL. I don't think the traditional stuff matters as much anymore. I posted about something similar and felt weird posting it too. But at the end I realized that it was about ME (that doesn't happen often!!!) my husband, our baby and the people who love us.

All the cool people won't care how it happens, they'll just be happy to celebrate with us.

 

[laila 44]

Laila part of the issue is that I never got a shower for my first because she came at 31 weeks, and the shower was planned for 36 weeks Then when the second came around, it's sorta like everyone forgot that I never got one for the first, and just used the "this is the second baby, so no shower needed" rule. So it's really just me being bummed that this is an experience I've never had. I've thrown a baby shower for someone, invites, games, food, cakes and all, but nobody's ever done the same for me.

I know I sound wimpy but it's just an experience I wanted at least once

ETA: I think your lunch idea is a great one. May end up doing just that and being like yo, everyone, we're playing baby themed games and eating cupcakes, and you're all going to ooh and ahh at my ultrasound pics right now!

U go girl!! I say u do the lunch and have a blast!! Xx

 

[Scout]

Have a baby shower and call it a baby shower. You deserve that! And really, nobody will care. Who doesn't love a baby shower? And I'd bet that if you mentioned to your friends how disappointed you were to never have one and really want to experience it, someone would offer to help. If they don't, then absolutely do it yourself. Have it at home or find a nice place you can decorate, play the silly fun games, and eat all the baby themed foods. You'll have fun, your friends will love it, and nobody will care that it's your 3rd. Seriously, I wouldn't give it a second thought if I was invited, and I grew up with the tradition of only the first gets a shower. Thank goodness that's changing though. Go for it and have fun!

 

[Cornfieldland]

I say if you have a sister or close friend ask if they would help you plan one, let them know how much you would like one. It's not silly, we should celebrate every new life This is my third and I had one both times before, small by Family. Now I live far away from family and my work place is having a small lunch time baby shower during our brk. There's no rules to baby showers

 

[WantsALittle1]

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and support