New and been trying for a year

[Kikis_Mama]

Hi I am new to this site...Its been a year since I lost my twins at 7 weeks...one week one of them had a heartbeat than two weeks later there was nothing...well we have been trying ever since and have had no luck..last month i was 5 days late and for sure thought i was pg but the af came than this month i was two days late and started really early this morning with really bad cramps that brought me to tears i am not bleeding as much as i normally do but i have some clots....its starting to get very frustrating....and everytime my period comes i get really depressed and sad...recent family members have become pregnant and i find myself hating them for it, and just not wanting to hear about it....is there something wrong with me for feeling that way?

 

[Mrsdm]

I am so sorry for your losses, I am the same at the moment i feel bitter deep down when people tell me that they are pregnant and i just smile and go along with there good news, I don't totaly understand how you feel but know what you are going through because i lost my baby just over 4 weeks ago and i was just under 5 weeks gone.

So there is nothing wrong with you, we alll deal with our loses in different ways, but good luck trying to concieve again.

 

[Kikis_Mama]

thanks so much! and i deeply sorry for your loss as well! this month i am going to try to use OPKs never used them before...but have heard some success stories...my fingers will be crossed just as they are every other month

 

[Mamabel]

Welcome. This is a good site to share your frustrations. You will definitely read a lot of other posts from women with similar experiences and frustrations. It definitely helps to not feel so alone with all those negative feelings. Why pay for therapy when we are here?

 

[heart tree]

Welcome kikis_mama, your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!

I'm so sorry to hear about your twins. Being late for your period doesn't help matters when you so desperately want to be pregnant again. I know the feeling. Every time you get your period, you re-live your trauma of losing your pregnancy. It is an awful reminder that you have lost something so precious. And it is an awful reminder that you aren't pregnant. I think many of us on this forum feel the way you do.

I would also like to echo and validate your feelings of hating hearing about other people's pregnancies. I know that many of us feel that way. Speaking for myself, I get so jealous and envious of other women I want to scream. I often find myself at home crying after I've learned of another pregnant friend. I don't mean them any harm, but sometimes I find my brain thinking horrible things about them. I think this is all natural and par for the course. You are most certainly normal in all of your feelings. You are experiencing a profound grief that doesn't go away very easily or quickly. Time can help, but honestly I don't know that the grief ever goes away until we are holding a healthy baby in our hands. Even then, I think we always think about the ones we didn't get to keep. This is just part of our history now. It has helped to shape who we are.

I think it is a great idea to use OPKs. You might be trying on the wrong days. We are a wealth of information about how to track your ovulation, so if you want advice, please let us know. We're all here to support each other in getting pregnant again.

xoxo

PS - where in Cali do you live? I'm in the Bay Area.

 

[goddess25]

How you are feeling is perfectly normal. Its tough when your Af is late its just so disappointing when it finally appears. I am so sorry for your losses, this is a great site where people understand exactly how you feel.

 

[Kikis_Mama]

Thank you guys so much for your support I love this site I can actually talk to someone who understands what I am going through and i dont have to feel ashamed about it or hide my true feelings.

And I love in Kern County Heart Tree

 

[heart tree]

So glad you found us. Please don't ever feel ashamed or hide your feelings here. We completely understand.

I've driven through Kern County, but have never stopped there. Nice to have another Cali girl here!

xoxo