new baby due - visits to dad?

[wishuwerehere]

I am due to have another baby at the end of february. My daughter is 4 and goes to fob's regularly for 2 or sometimes more nights at a time.
I would really like her to stay home for a few weeks after baby is born to help her adjust and to help her feel secure and not pushed out. Is this unreasonable? How do i bring it up with fob without sounding like i don't 2ant her to see him (which isn't the case. I want her to be comfortable with her new sibling before she goes away)

Basically i'm mainly worried because fob doesn't really like my husband and i'm worried he is going to be funny about the fact that this baby is her sibling but also my oh's baby iykwim? I'm not very coherent today :/

 

[Becky61]

Hi,
I personally would try and keep your daughters routine the same. It will probably be a big change for her, and i would want to keep things as normal and consistant for her (assuming she likes spending time with her dad?) I would let her spend her usual 2+ nights per week at her dads after your baby is born. Why do you want to keep her home? She will still bond with your baby the other 5+ days a week. I hope you dont think im being rude, i have no experience of this, just curious.

If your adamant you want your daughter to stay home a couple of weeks after the birth of your baby, i would bring it up with your daughters FOB sooner rather than later. He may not like the idea, as he may not understand why the arrival of yours and your DHs new baby should affect his time with your daughter. Could he come to your house after the baby is born? And see you all together? Or do you not have that kind of relationship? I think if i was to have another baby, my sons FOB would want to meet the new baby, and see his son around his new brother/sister etc. Although i understand you dont want every person on the planet visiting after youve just given birth...!

X

 

[wishuwerehere]

No sorry i didn't explain very well - she doesn't go 2 nights a week, she goes for 2 nights or more several hours away every 2 to 3 weeks. It isn't a routine, it's very fluid which is why i'm not concerned about breaking it. And i'd be happy for him to come up to see her for the day but he won't because it's a 3 hour drive.
It's because she's getting a bit anxious and clingy now talking about the baby and i'm worried she'll feel pushed out if we send her off on a trip right after baby is born. She's never lived with her dad and although they jave a good relationship it's not rrally parental in the same way my relationship with her is because of that.
But i will think about what you have said and talk tp him too

 

[Becky61]

Hi,
In that case, i think i would be inclined to arrange your daughters visit to her dads as close to your due date as possible (& keep your fingers crossed you dont go way over due!) so that it is another 2-3 weeks after your youngest is born before she goes again. I had missunderstood. I think if your daughter happily goes 2-3 weeks without seeing him, then it should make no difference. I had interpretated it that she saw him every week, and thought it may unsettle your daughter more breaking that routine.

Definately have a chat with FOB soon about how your feeling. Say it to him exactly as youve written it in your posts, and hopefully he will understand. After all, your putting yours and his daughters feelings first.

Good luck x

 

[wishuwerehere]

We spoke this afternoon - we've arranged for him to come and do day trips with her if when baby comes would mean she went a biy long without seeing him so i think that is the happiest outcome for all

He was more understanding than i thought so i guess i should give him more credit!

thanks for your help x

 

[Dream.dream]

To be honest I would keep things as much the same as you normally would . It might actually be better for her to go see her dad as she normally does because she'll get a bit more one on one with him then at home with you and a new baby , and you may be glad for the break .

If she normally goes every 2-3 weeks if just keep it the same