New Girl needs to talk

[FairyDust2009]

Hi Everyone,
First of all I am so pleased to have stumbled across this forum. I think it may well keep me sane for a while! I should apologise as this could be very long!
My husband and I got married in June last year. I am 30 and he is 32. We both agreed to wait for a year or so before trying for a baby, as DH lost his job and has decided to retrain as a teacher.
Just after we got married I started having terrible stomach pains and lots of intermittant bleeding, so my doctor referred me to the hospital. After some tests the doctor said I may well have endometriosis, as he spotted some clouding around my left ovary. Also said I had a small and tilted uterus. He asked me to take the pill for 3 months none stop, but the first month I did I was in so much pain I just decided to come off it (after speaking to DH obv). The bleeding stopped and the pain subsided, apart from during and post sex, and I'm due to go back to the hospital for a follow on appointment on Friday. But clearly hearing the word endo has plagued my mind about whether I can conceive.
To make matters worse, in September my DH suddenly lost his dad, so as you can imagine we had the worst first 6 months of married life ever!
Anyway, recently I've been feeling more and more broody and thinking more and more about a baby. We've both said if circumstances (ie DH work situation) was different we would start trying tomorrow, but he is set that until he has passed his degree he doesn't want to try.
I can totally understand this, but it doesn't stop how my heart and my body are feeling. I'm scared I'm going to take so long to conceive, or wont be able to at all, or that by the time we do we'll have lost another member of our family - its kills me knowing that my FiL will never see his grandchildren and it knocks me sick thinking that this could happen again. I know its a fact of life that people come and people go, but losing him has really shaken me up and made me question everything.
All I can do is think about how much I want a baby and its getting me down constantly.
Sorry to have moaned so much on my first post but I just needed to get everything off my chest.
FD x

 

[lovehearts]

Hi, sorry to hear you have had a terrible year. I cant offer any advice sorry - just wanted to leave some xxx

 

[cupcake123]

Welcome to WTT, thanks for sharing your story I am sure that you will get plenty of support in this forum. It sounds like you have had a rough time recently, I am sorry to hear about your FIL. Is your DH's teacher course one year? Perhaps you could persuade him to TTC sooner because of your concerns have you spoken to him about your worries?

 

[FairyDust2009]

Thanks for the responses.

I have talked to him but he is being uncharacteristically sensible and is adament we have to wait at least a year to start trying. It may even be longer than that as I think its going to take him 2 years to qualify if we look at it realistically.
There's no doubting we do both want children and are mentally ready, but its the financially ready bit that DH is concerned about, and will continue to be concerned about. He is working now, got a call centre job to keep money coming in while he studies but he's adament its not enough to support us if I went on maternity leave, which I guess he's got a point as I do currently earn about £6k a year more than him.

Just so frustrating that money is such a big factor in what should be a lovely decision to make, and even more so that I may have problems conceiving. Grrrrrrrrrr!!

FD x

 

[booflebump]

It sounds like you have had a very tough time. I understand why your OH has his sensible head on, but completely understand your fears about being able to conceive. When will he actually qualify? Could you draw up a savings plan to have a lump sum ready for your maternity leave? It could take you a while to conceive, and then pregnancy is 9 months, so if he says 2 years, realistically it could be 4. If you need an ear, feel free to pm me xxx

 

[Amygdala]

Welcome to wwt! I think it's perfectly understandable where both of you are coming from. Personally I would see the situation like you do though and would try to talk to him again. If you fell pregnant now you'd struggle financially for a year and a half max. With your health concerns though, it might take you a few months to get pregnant anyway. Waiting isn't going to make ttc any easier and especially if you're planning more than one I (personally, no judgement on anyone who thinks differently) would want to start trying while you're young and at your highest levels of fertility. Sure money is a concern but your financial worries are temporary. Your wish for a baby is far more permanent and I'm sure would be the bigger regret if it remained unfullfilled. I'd talk to him again. Good luck!