New girl to the single parents section :( and :)

[emalou90]

want the whole story? okay, i'll tell you all. Make sure to scroll down if you dont want to know ha.

Basically my fiancee has always had difficulties talking to me, regarding important emotional things because he doesnt want to hurt me (or at least thats his excuse) so i've found it especially difficult since Amelia was born, trying to gauge how he feels and what he wants etc.
He told me it's not a 'daddies time' right now, so basically if i wasnt around she wouldnt be cared for? good job i am eh?
i can imagine how hard it is for him but, ive tried my best making time for ourselves and treating him just as equally as amelia, she goes to bed at 7/8ish and then we have the whole evening, but he just sits on his computer playing world or warcraft or sits on the opposite sofa on his phone all the time (whoever built internet for phones needs to dieeee!)
so i do all the household stuff as a housewife stereotypically does, which im fine with, but there was never an offer of, oh darling you've done a wonderful dinner let me do the washing up for you. or just thinking ahead like to put his work shirts in the washer? even though i asked all this a million times. so really, i never have time for myself, not even 10 minutes, once i wanted a bath and had to get out after 5 minutes because he couldnt find something which was staring him in the face.
so seeing as we live in a throw-away society, i think he loved the idea of a baby, now the novelty has worn off. but anyway im getting off track. basically a few days ago i send him a message to read because i was sick of trying to discuss things not getting an response from him, its like arguing with myself. So he read it and its just all blown into a massive thing, ending up with talking to my parents for advice, coming home telling me its all going to be alright and we'll try, to, 2 days of trying, now 'i'll be happier if you didnt live here'
oh?. so i put up a fight of course but, if i cant change his mind, nobody can. so i made sure he knew what he was asking of me and i had to leave my home.
currently living with my parents, very short term as i have little one and their financial situation isnt good.

i've come here to ask about what i should do now?
im so confused.
i need a home and i need to change all my benefits around
but as fob did all that, i have no idea

but on the up side, i feel like im not under so much pressure anymore at the moment. feels like a holiday. Of course im upset but my little girl makes everything better.

*sigh* really need a few pointers please ladies xx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Hey hun

I'm in Northamptonshire too!!

How old is he? He sounds like he thought the baby was a great idea as it would be a little personal trophy, but in reality she actually takes some looking after and he doesn't get the attention anymore. For him not to help out and to sit on the net/phone is selfish! Cut the computer lead! lol

Even if he doesn't help you out around the house, he should help you out with LO. What was so urgent you had to get out the bath that he couldn't wait another 10mins...I would have told him to wait, like it or lump it.

What was the relationship like before LO came along? Has he always been this way?x

 

[emalou90]

Yay small world!!

He's 21, shock horror, he wants his old life back, thats his words not mine.
There's no need to cut the computer lead, i'm gone so he can do whatever the hell he wants to now. i hope he likes his 'old' life.
Oh i dont remember something to do with Amelia though, so i had to go and fetch it.

it was great, he didnt play games then or anything, yet, he says he misses doing it? bah.

x

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Yay small world!!

He's 21, shock horror, he wants his old life back, thats his words not mine.
There's no need to cut the computer lead, i'm gone so he can do whatever the hell he wants to now. i hope he likes his 'old' life.
Oh i dont remember something to do with Amelia though, so i had to go and fetch it.

it was great, he didnt play games then or anything, yet, he says he misses doing it? bah.

x

My FOB turns 21 in 2 weeks!! They always think the grass is greener on the other side. One day he will realise, but by then it will be too late - but you can't tell these boys that as they would never believe you!

I'm 24. How old are you?

x

 

[hancake100]

Hi hun, I am a new single mum also
I live on my own already but I moved when I had a month to go before Ellie was born. What I did to sort it all out as I didnt have a clue at the time, I phoned through to the CAB and spoke to someone there who were so helpful I even sent them a thankyou card. They told me EVERYTHING I needed to know and put me intouch with all the right people. What I did though to make the process faster I found a lovely new build flat myself had a viewing then told the lady who worked with the coucil and she came out to look at it and took pics to ok it then I had the keys within a week.
You will get all the help you will need hun. Hope that has helpped you a little, If you have any questions though hum pm me and I will more than happy to help you.

I am feeling a bit on the low side at the moment and a little worried what I am going to go through but I am so glad I have good friends and family and B&B (would know what I would do without it)
Ellie is keeping me sane though on the up side and she really makes my days I know dont the long run it will be for the best and everything will work out. But its so hard to go through isnt it.
FOB just wants to be free and single and have no worries in his life (he kind of lived that life anyway) but I hope he feels one day that is is the wrong thing and he hurts like I am hurting at that I can move on with someone who REALLY cares for me.

 

[billy2mm]

right first of all you need to get on the council housing list. they will give you names and details of housing associations in the area too which can house you.

how were you supporting yourself financiall before the split? as you were living together i take ot you arent claiming any benefits? in that case get down to the job centre first thing monday and put a claim in for income support and also change your tax credits to a single calim.

get onto the csa as soon as possible with as much details about him as you can - ni number, dob, employers namme/address etc...

were you on the lease for your home? if you were you need to contact the landlord asap too to get your name taken of of it otherwise if he damages anything or doesnt pay the rent you cannot be held responsible for it.

hun. its difficult to start with but does get easier!

 

[emalou90]

Yay small world!!

He's 21, shock horror, he wants his old life back, thats his words not mine.
There's no need to cut the computer lead, i'm gone so he can do whatever the hell he wants to now. i hope he likes his 'old' life.
Oh i dont remember something to do with Amelia though, so i had to go and fetch it.

it was great, he didnt play games then or anything, yet, he says he misses doing it? bah.

x

My FOB turns 21 in 2 weeks!! They always think the grass is greener on the other side. One day he will realise, but by then it will be too late - but you can't tell these boys that as they would never believe you!

I'm 24. How old are you?

x

Oh they still live in their silly little lives, not wanting to grow up.
I'm 20. xx

 

[Dopeyjopey]

I'm from Northampton toooo! Unfortunately men just don't have te same emotional attachment we do.

Do you have support of your family? I moved back in with my mum for now and am applying for a council house as the flat i have a mortgage on isn't big enough x

 

[LittleMadam]

Selfish p***k!

You have the baby so why couldn't he leave?

Quite frankly, you're better off without him and I suggest you do EVERYTHING billy2mm said. Screw him and get on with your new life.

Hugs.xx

 

[xxfluffyxx]

Yay small world!!

He's 21, shock horror, he wants his old life back, thats his words not mine.
There's no need to cut the computer lead, i'm gone so he can do whatever the hell he wants to now. i hope he likes his 'old' life.
Oh i dont remember something to do with Amelia though, so i had to go and fetch it.

it was great, he didnt play games then or anything, yet, he says he misses doing it? bah.

x

My FOB turns 21 in 2 weeks!! They always think the grass is greener on the other side. One day he will realise, but by then it will be too late - but you can't tell these boys that as they would never believe you!

I'm 24. How old are you?

x

Oh they still live in their silly little lives, not wanting to grow up.
I'm 20. xx

IMATURE A$$HOLES!!
I cannot believe that there are other girls in a similar situation to mine I felt sooo alone! that seems to be the age of these idiots!! computer games etc...how imaturer! mines the same! and yeh,they do think the grass is greener on the other side...im 20 aswell and im finding things so hard,constantly checking the phone scoping out facebook etc etc etc! I guess it will be his loss when my lil angel is born nd I have him in my arms,,,he can have all the nights out in the world and will be missing out on wats important! leaving sum1 in the lurch when theyr vulnerable etc....man r a mouse?? mouse I think!! hah

 

[suzanne108]

I'm not from Northampton but FOB is - maybe there is something in the water there which effects these "men"

Welcome emalou

 

[Dopeyjopey]

I've only seen a few people from npton on here and to have 4 of us single parents makes me think you're right suzanne!

 

[emalou90]

thanks everyone. ugh i defo think its northampton water you know.
but i like it here haha. anyway, its been 6 days and no asking about his daughter, no contact either.
obviously he doesnt want to be involved!! (im giving hinm a month to get used to the idea and decide if he wants to see her or not)

without blowing my own trumpet, he has seen me go through labour (which i had an amazing time in btw) and bring our beautiful daughter into the world. How can he just be like this? its just infuriating.
I believe that every lady who brings a baby into this world is a saint, apart from the emotional side it is very much a physical side too which we have all given up our bodies for.

MEN DONT SEE THAT THOUGH DO THEY, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

 

[emalou90]

Yay small world!!

He's 21, shock horror, he wants his old life back, thats his words not mine.
There's no need to cut the computer lead, i'm gone so he can do whatever the hell he wants to now. i hope he likes his 'old' life.
Oh i dont remember something to do with Amelia though, so i had to go and fetch it.

it was great, he didnt play games then or anything, yet, he says he misses doing it? bah.

x

My FOB turns 21 in 2 weeks!! They always think the grass is greener on the other side. One day he will realise, but by then it will be too late - but you can't tell these boys that as they would never believe you!

I'm 24. How old are you?

x

Oh they still live in their silly little lives, not wanting to grow up.
I'm 20. xx

IMATURE A$$HOLES!!
I cannot believe that there are other girls in a similar situation to mine I felt sooo alone! that seems to be the age of these idiots!! computer games etc...how imaturer! mines the same! and yeh,they do think the grass is greener on the other side...im 20 aswell and im finding things so hard,constantly checking the phone scoping out facebook etc etc etc! I guess it will be his loss when my lil angel is born nd I have him in my arms,,,he can have all the nights out in the world and will be missing out on wats important! leaving sum1 in the lurch when theyr vulnerable etc....man r a mouse?? mouse I think!! hah

I know, i felt so alone aswell until you all replied! such a relief to know i can vent on here.

Its funny though me and fob talked for months before deciding to have a baby. Obviously it didnt live up to his expectations.

Hun, i think you're in the right mind set, to leave you even before you have a baby is just sickening. I hope you do the best you can and im sure you will. most of the time if a man doesnt want to stay they are just cowardly, its not like we can just get up and leave is it??? then what??? the baby will be put into care. not good.

xxxx