New here and totally confused

[MirandaH]

Hello Everyone!

I am Miranda and I am 37 and have three children from a previous relationship that ended very badly. Not only was the relationship bad, but the pregnancies were horrid, so when I got together with OH, who is considerably younger than I am (28) he knew I didn't want to get married ever or have anymore kids. Now, I find myself engaged with a date set for April 6th and he talked me into trying for a baby after the wedding.

Last month, while out of town for a funeral, we both got baby fever and decided to start trying in January, figuring that I would still be small enough at the beginning of April to not conflict with the wedding, but on the 14th of this month I woke up two days late for my period and with a case of baby fever like I have never had in my life. My period ended up starting that afternoon, but was over by the next morning and I was sick for days. Because I was worried, two days ago I tested and got both a BFP and a BFN, the day after telling OH that I wanted a baby now and being told a million reasons why we had to wait until January. The conflicting results scared me to death because of his reaction, but then he came home and wanted to try, knowing this was a dangerous week and that I should O on Sunday.

After we BD'ed, I told him about the tests and his response was that it "didn't matter" and that I should just test again next week but he wouldn't even look at the tests. Because of this, I freaked out and used a bullet (that is what we call the Encare inserts that we have been using for birth control because I have a cloting disorder and can't use regular BC.) about an hour after BD'ing. I told him that I did it because I had already done three pregnancies and two deliveries by myself and I didn't want it to happen until it did matter. He got really upset with me and for the first time ever, I went to bed to silent treatment and despite a business trip for this weekend, there was no BD'ing last night and I convinced myself that waiting is the best idea. Tonight he called me from the road all excited, wanting to know our chances for a BFP next month since I didn't use the bullet until almost an hour after BD'ing. I told him that I didn't know, but since I believe I O'ed today, two days early, that might increase our chances if his little swimmers were fast enough to get in there before the bullet got to them.

Now I don't know if we are trying or waiting. I am terrified that with my age, it won't be as easy as it was before. Especially after it took more than 10 years to get the first baby, after being told I didn't ovulate and would never have kids. Why is it so difficult for us to both be on the same page at the same time? Do any of you have this problem with your OH and if so, how do you deal with it? Am I totally crazy for even considering any of this at all? And if we do decide to wait, how in the world do you deal with the baby fever? I am a hot mess, all the way around. Thoughts?

 

[Oasis717]

I'm 41 this November, my husband is 24 and we married 10th March this year, I never thought I would get married let alone have another child (I have 3 from previous relationship) but falling in love with my now husband changed everything, my whole life, inc now wanting nothing more than to have a baby with the man I love. It would be his first child, I never had problems either getting pregnant or being pregnant in the past but sadly we have lost 2 babies in 4 months. Devastating. I do believe my age is somewhat the reason. I don't think you are crazy at all, the only advice I could give is if this is what you truly want, go for it. I know I want a baby with my husband with all my heart, not just
for him but me too so if that is how you both feel too I wish you loads luck. Xxx

 

[MirandaH]

I'm 41 this November, my husband is 24 and we married 10th March this year, I never thought I would get married let alone have another child (I have 3 from previous relationship) but falling in love with my now husband changed everything, my whole life, inc now wanting nothing more than to have a baby with the man I love. It would be his first child, I never had problems either getting pregnant or being pregnant in the past but sadly we have lost 2 babies in 4 months. Devastating. I do believe my age is somewhat the reason. I don't think you are crazy at all, the only advice I could give is if this is what you truly want, go for it. I know I want a baby with my husband with all my heart, not just
for him but me too so if that is how you both feel too I wish you loads luck. Xxx

Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel better about all of it to see that I am in good company. This will be OH's third child, but his first died a week after it was born due to Edwards Syndrome. Of course, there is no way to tell why or how that happened, or if he had anything to do with it, so that has me a little nervous, combined with the risks that are taken because of my age. On top of that, I was told for more than 10 years (after miscarrying multiple times) that I did not ovulate and would never have kids before having my first. So I am worried that now that I am over 35, I will have problems again. OH really wants another baby and doesn't understand a thing about how that happens other than BDing. Once I had my first, it was so easy. I don't know how I will deal with the stress of infertility again if that is the hand we are dealt. I just don't know what lies ahead in that department, so I don't know if it might be better to start trying sooner, rather than later. Ugh! This whole thing is so frustrating.

The good news is that I am happy to report that OH told his work that he had important stuff at home he needed to get back to take care of and has been calling me from the road all day to tell me how much longer it will be before he gets home and that I am to be ready to discuss all this when he gets there, so we may be on the same page before the night is over after all.

Next will be figuring out how to deal with the baby fever if he has decided to slow down until January again.

 

[Oasis717]

I'm 41 this November, my husband is 24 and we married 10th March this year, I never thought I would get married let alone have another child (I have 3 from previous relationship) but falling in love with my now husband changed everything, my whole life, inc now wanting nothing more than to have a baby with the man I love. It would be his first child, I never had problems either getting pregnant or being pregnant in the past but sadly we have lost 2 babies in 4 months. Devastating. I do believe my age is somewhat the reason. I don't think you are crazy at all, the only advice I could give is if this is what you truly want, go for it. I know I want a baby with my husband with all my heart, not just
for him but me too so if that is how you both feel too I wish you loads luck. Xxx

Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel better about all of it to see that I iam in good company. This will be OH's third child, but his first died a week after it was born due to Edwards Syndrome. Of course, there is no way to tell why or how that happened, or if he had anything to do with it, so that has me a little nervous, combined with the risks that are taken because of my age. On top of that, I was told for more than 10 years (after miscarrying multiple times) that I did not ovulate and would never have kids before having my first. So I am worried that now that I am over 35, I will have problems again. OH really wants another baby and doesn't understand a thing about how that happens other than BDing. Once I had my first, it was so easy. I don't know how I will deal with the stress of infertility again if that is the hand we are dealt. I just don't know what lies ahead in that department, so I don't know if it might be better to start trying sooner, rather than later. Ugh! This whole thing is so frustrating.

The good news is that I am happy to report that OH told his work that he had important stuff at home he needed to get back to take care of and has been calling me from the road all day to tell me how much longer it will be before he gets home and that I am to be ready to discuss all this when he gets there, so we may be on the same page before the night is over after all.

Next will be figuring out how to deal with the baby fever if he has decided to slow down until January again.

I have to say until I actually suffered my first miscarriage I thought that would never happen to me, having three healthy pregnancies behind me and being lucky enough to fall quickly I never imagined I would loose 2 babies in such a short time, the first I had just felt a tiny movement and I have never got over knowing my baby was alive 2 days before the miscarriage which was horrific, the ward I was on said they see many miscarriages and mine was particularly nasty, I know I'm no where near coming to terms with any of it. The second loss was different in that it never progressed past 5 weeks. I know our road is fraught with fear but the only thing you can do is have hope. My age is against me I know but I won't give up, really hope you can work it out xxxx

 

[MirandaH]

I'm 41 this November, my husband is 24 and we married 10th March this year, I never thought I would get married let alone have another child (I have 3 from previous relationship) but falling in love with my now husband changed everything, my whole life, inc now wanting nothing more than to have a baby with the man I love. It would be his first child, I never had problems either getting pregnant or being pregnant in the past but sadly we have lost 2 babies in 4 months. Devastating. I do believe my age is somewhat the reason. I don't think you are crazy at all, the only advice I could give is if this is what you truly want, go for it. I know I want a baby with my husband with all my heart, not just
for him but me too so if that is how you both feel too I wish you loads luck. Xxx

Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel better about all of it to see that I iam in good company. This will be OH's third child, but his first died a week after it was born due to Edwards Syndrome. Of course, there is no way to tell why or how that happened, or if he had anything to do with it, so that has me a little nervous, combined with the risks that are taken because of my age. On top of that, I was told for more than 10 years (after miscarrying multiple times) that I did not ovulate and would never have kids before having my first. So I am worried that now that I am over 35, I will have problems again. OH really wants another baby and doesn't understand a thing about how that happens other than BDing. Once I had my first, it was so easy. I don't know how I will deal with the stress of infertility again if that is the hand we are dealt. I just don't know what lies ahead in that department, so I don't know if it might be better to start trying sooner, rather than later. Ugh! This whole thing is so frustrating.

The good news is that I am happy to report that OH told his work that he had important stuff at home he needed to get back to take care of and has been calling me from the road all day to tell me how much longer it will be before he gets home and that I am to be ready to discuss all this when he gets there, so we may be on the same page before the night is over after all.

Next will be figuring out how to deal with the baby fever if he has decided to slow down until January again.

I have to say until I actually suffered my first miscarriage I thought that would never happen to me, having three healthy pregnancies behind me and being lucky enough to fall quickly I never imagined I would loose 2 babies in such a short time, the first I had just felt a tiny movement and I have never got over knowing my baby was alive 2 days before the miscarriage which was horrific, the ward I was on said they see many miscarriages and mine was particularly nasty, I know I'm no where near coming to terms with any of it. The second loss was different in that it never progressed past 5 weeks. I know our road is fraught with fear but the only thing you can do is have hope. My age is against me I know but I won't give up, really hope you can work it out xxxx

I am so sorry to hear about your loses. I can relate, as I have been through everything from losing a pair of twin girl at 22 weeks to a blighted ovum. What gives me hope is that my three "healthy" pregnancies were the last three and I am hopefully past loss. It is hard to say, but I am hopeful.

Hopeful and excited. OH came home last night and told me that he was upset because I had tested without him and he wanted to do all of it together from the very beginning and then took me straight to our room. We are officially, seriously trying and completely on the same page.

Hopefully we will both see BFPs very soon! Good luck and hang in there!

 

[Oasis717]

Oh I am so pleased for you, that's great news!! Hopefully very soon you will get your bfp! I'm so terribly sorry for your losses, I really am, I know what you mean about the healthy 3 mine are two girls 21 and 11 and my son 4 Nov 5, unfortunately my losses were recent so I am quite nervous, but hopefull. Please stay in touch, love hear from you xxxxx