New here, big fears

[Identity222]

Hi everyone. I’m new here and also newly pregnant. Unplanned, total surprise. I’ve wanted kids my whole life. Im 31 now, and with getting older came the thoughts of worrying about missing my independence and freedom if I did have children. I’ve never been married, I’ve always worked for everything I have on my own. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is very supportive but we have dated a very short amount of time. When I first found out, it was a mix of emotions. I was happy, shocked, scared, and nervous. I moved to a new state a year ago to be with my parents after my brother had passed. He was living with me and only 19 when he was killed in a car accident in which he was a passenger of due to a kid speeding bringing him home. The last year has been the hardest of my life. Dealing with the loss of my brother and best friend and starting completely over in a new place, a very small place I might add with no family but my parents. I am one of 6 kids and all my brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and extended family are in our home state. I have struggled to find the right job for me after covid which in turn has led to issues with finances and issues with finding a home. My parents had me come live with them when I moved here so I didn’t have the added stress of having to find a home right away. Which was sweet of them and nice for us in our grieving. But being such a small area, rentals are few and far between and I lack the savings for closing costs and fees to buy a home. My parents are also very conservative. I grew up catholic. So I am very nervous to tell them I’m pregnant because I don’t want any judgment or disappointment from them to make me more stressed. My boyfriend is very supportive but he also doesn’t make much. I’ve never been so stressed in my life. I feel like there’s never a “right” time for a baby and I felt my clock ticking for sure, but oh my gosh now that it’s real, it’s REAL. I also feel like I’ve been through so much and I know I’ll be an awesome mom but I want everything to be perfect for my baby and I don’t want to be shamed by my family. Babies are supposed to be blessings right? I know they’ll be supportive afterwards but I don’t want anyone to make me feel any worse or anymore anxious. And living with them they know my financial struggles at the moment. I’m trying to find a place ASAP to get back in my own place again now that I know I am pregnant and it’s been so hard finding something.

I know all my stressors are adding to this, but is it normal to fear such a big change? I am so scared I am not going to love being a mother now that I’m pregnant. What a hypocrite right? I wanted this forever but I’ve been on my own and doing things my own way and have no purpose in life that I don’t know if I even want it anymore. But this baby is coming and I know I will love my child but I am terrified I’m going to hate being a mom. It sounds soo selfish but I like my alone time. I like being able to do what I want when I want. Why didn’t I feel this before? Is it just the reality of it all? I thought my whole entire life my purpose was to have kids because I absolutely love them and have always wanted to be a mom. So what gives? Is this normal? Am I just going through the process of realizing my life is going to change immensely? I feel like such a hypocrite. I cried about worrying I’d never be a mom. Now here I am pregnant, and worrying if I even want to be.

If any of you have felt this way, how did you get through it? Are those feelings still there? I’ve heard horror stories of women hating having kids. I don’t think that would be me but what if it is? How long will this last and what can I do to help ease my fears if anything? Any kind words and encouragement would be so helpful right now.

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Hugs girl, that’s big, the stuff you’re dealing with.

You’re right, every child is a blessing and babies are wonderful. I think you will enjoy being a mom, but it is not easy. Perhaps you and your partner want to spend some focused time seeing if you want to commit to each other and find a place to live together, even if he doesn’t make very much.

You’re not a teenager and I’m sure your parents have seen a lot of out-of-wedlock pregnancies and won’t be as shocked as you think they may be and will likely welcome a new life after losing your brother in the last year.

good luck and just keep it one day at a time xx

 

[Phantom]

Hello! Welcome! All of your fears are totally valid. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother and friend. I think it will all work out though. You might be surprised. It's all very overwhelming now but it can come together little by little. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[Bevziibubble]

Hi and welcome to BabyandBump!
It sounds like you're going through so much at the moment. It is totally normal to fear such a big change and totally understandable. I hope things settle down soon and get easier for you