Hi everyone
I have to confess to lurking around this site since TTC and have found many sections of this site very useful along my journey, however I am a rather private person and never felt like I wanted to actually sign up and post anything. I never actually ventured into this section whilst pregnant though, as I wanted to stay away from anything sad or negative that could make me worry (not that it made any difference). Since losing my baby 2 months ago I have found this area a great source of information and comfort, but am only just feeling brave enough to declare myself and share my story. I'll try to keep it as short as I can...
This was our first baby and I conceived in just the second month of trying. I had a problem-free pregnancy, felt great most of the time and just loved being pregnant. We were relieved to get to the 20 week scan and be told that everything looked fine, foolishly thinking that this meant we were 'safe'. By 22 weeks I'd been feeling lots of wriggles and kicks starting to get stronger, but then I had a day or so when I felt nothing. I tried not to worry, checked all my pregnancy books and a few websites and convinced myself that baby had just moved into a different position. The next day I was still worried I hadn't felt anything so I phoned my midwife who told me not to worry as it was probably all ok, but to come to the clinic and she'd check the heartbeat just to make sure.
Two midwives at the local clinic couldn't find a hearbeat after trying for a good five minutes, so sent me to the hospital to be checked there. Still totally convinvced everything was fine and that my baby was just hiding in an awkward position like when I'd had my scans, I went to the hospital on my own (which I now totally regret), where the midwife again couldn't find the heartbeat. A consultant came in and scanned me and I saw on the screen that the baby wasn't moving and had no heartbeat, an image that will haunt me for a long time I'm sure. I was induced a few days later and delivered my baby at 22w6d, a perfect but small little boy - we hadn't known the gender before but we'd both sort of hoped for a boy. We named him and spent a while holding him and had a funeral for him a week later. I'm not going to write what we called him as I'm still a bit paranoid about real life people finding me here. Its all been such a horrible experience, but my hubby and I are trying to support each other through this to find our 'new normal'. Although we are hopeful for the future, it just feels like my view on the world will never be the same - I'm sure you know what I mean.
We had an appointment to go through our results last week, and basically there was no conclusive cause of death. There was possibly a problem with the cord - it was long and coiled. I also had a weird blood test result at 13 weeks but the hospital have said they've only just started doing it so they don't really know the significance of that. We've been given the go-ahead to TTC again and my hubby and I are both keen to get going asap - despite still being in the process of grieving I can't imagine waiting.
I'm back at work now and having mostly good days with occasional emotional moments popping up every now and again. Today I'm feeling a bit weepy as I've been quite busy and work is a stressful place in general at the moment. Although my family and friends have been absolutely great, none of them have been through anything like this and I'm just starting to feel like I need to have some contact with people who've been through this themselves and know exactly what I'm feeling. The idea of going to the local support group suggested by the hospital just seems too scary so I was hoping that you lovely ladies here could help provide some moral support instead, particularly when that next BFP comes along (exciting but scary stuff!). Sorry for hiding from you all for so long.
I have to confess to lurking around this site since TTC and have found many sections of this site very useful along my journey, however I am a rather private person and never felt like I wanted to actually sign up and post anything. I never actually ventured into this section whilst pregnant though, as I wanted to stay away from anything sad or negative that could make me worry (not that it made any difference). Since losing my baby 2 months ago I have found this area a great source of information and comfort, but am only just feeling brave enough to declare myself and share my story. I'll try to keep it as short as I can...
This was our first baby and I conceived in just the second month of trying. I had a problem-free pregnancy, felt great most of the time and just loved being pregnant. We were relieved to get to the 20 week scan and be told that everything looked fine, foolishly thinking that this meant we were 'safe'. By 22 weeks I'd been feeling lots of wriggles and kicks starting to get stronger, but then I had a day or so when I felt nothing. I tried not to worry, checked all my pregnancy books and a few websites and convinced myself that baby had just moved into a different position. The next day I was still worried I hadn't felt anything so I phoned my midwife who told me not to worry as it was probably all ok, but to come to the clinic and she'd check the heartbeat just to make sure.
Two midwives at the local clinic couldn't find a hearbeat after trying for a good five minutes, so sent me to the hospital to be checked there. Still totally convinvced everything was fine and that my baby was just hiding in an awkward position like when I'd had my scans, I went to the hospital on my own (which I now totally regret), where the midwife again couldn't find the heartbeat. A consultant came in and scanned me and I saw on the screen that the baby wasn't moving and had no heartbeat, an image that will haunt me for a long time I'm sure. I was induced a few days later and delivered my baby at 22w6d, a perfect but small little boy - we hadn't known the gender before but we'd both sort of hoped for a boy. We named him and spent a while holding him and had a funeral for him a week later. I'm not going to write what we called him as I'm still a bit paranoid about real life people finding me here. Its all been such a horrible experience, but my hubby and I are trying to support each other through this to find our 'new normal'. Although we are hopeful for the future, it just feels like my view on the world will never be the same - I'm sure you know what I mean.
We had an appointment to go through our results last week, and basically there was no conclusive cause of death. There was possibly a problem with the cord - it was long and coiled. I also had a weird blood test result at 13 weeks but the hospital have said they've only just started doing it so they don't really know the significance of that. We've been given the go-ahead to TTC again and my hubby and I are both keen to get going asap - despite still being in the process of grieving I can't imagine waiting.
I'm back at work now and having mostly good days with occasional emotional moments popping up every now and again. Today I'm feeling a bit weepy as I've been quite busy and work is a stressful place in general at the moment. Although my family and friends have been absolutely great, none of them have been through anything like this and I'm just starting to feel like I need to have some contact with people who've been through this themselves and know exactly what I'm feeling. The idea of going to the local support group suggested by the hospital just seems too scary so I was hoping that you lovely ladies here could help provide some moral support instead, particularly when that next BFP comes along (exciting but scary stuff!). Sorry for hiding from you all for so long.
welcome
