New mama needs help!

[BabyCleo]

Hello girls Im currently 20 weeks with my first, and I had a few questions.

Im getting lots of pressure from anyone and everyone to breast feed. My mother however formula fed both my sister and I out of choice. Im finding it so hard to get information on both ends of the spectrum.

I just wanted to ask why you girls chose to formula feed. Was it choice? Was it necessity? Right now I'm leaning towards formula feeding. I just feel very uneducated.

Im just looking for any help I can get on the matter. Its hard to find unbiased education without being shamed. Thanks

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

Formula feeding seems more natural to me. I always think "animalistic" when I think of breastfeeding, to be honest. I ended up with a third degree tear and a bad hemorrhoid, and they wouldn't give me the good pain medication if I had chosen to breastfeed. Plus I was at an unhealthy weight, and wanted to be able to lose weight without worrying about it affecting my supply, etc. It was also important to me to be able to share as much parenting duty as possible with hubby, including feeding. He gave her the first bottle right after birth, and it's still one of my favorite memories. It was also wonderful and beneficial to me to trade off night duty with him, because those 2-3 wake-ups a night were brutal at the newborn stage! Getting a somewhat full night of sleep a few times a week helped me be a better mother in my opinion (I went from cranky, tired mommy to a more relaxed and happy mommy).

Formula was the right choice for us, and I have a happy/healthy toddler to show for it. She hasn't been sick once! And I completely loved the whole experience, and will probably do it again with any other children we have (I might pump to try to save money, but if we can easily afford the formula I'd rather go that route).

It's all about personal preference. Don't let anyone bully you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. You're the mother and you have to do what is best for baby AND you. If you're somewhat interested in breastfeeding then give it a try, and switch to formula if it isn't what you want. You'll find that someone somewhere will judge you for either choice, so ignore them and focus on you and your family. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

 

[Breeelizabeth]

I chose to formula feed because of how much I hate my breasts. I couldn't imagine anything more debilitating for me than to have to have nurses even see my boobs, let alone just pulling them out in public. I have to say, for me and my baby I made the right decision. When babies leave hospital they normally lose up to 10% of their body weight, Charlotte lost 40grams (so next to nothing). I know how much she's eating at every feed and can keep track. She sleeps well because she's full (and believe me, with a newborn a few hours sleep is great). When I was in hospital I had a woman and her baby next to me who breastfed and her baby screamed from hunger all night long. I'm not trying to sway your decision either way, as I also believe that breastfeeding is great for babies, but for me my decision was clear cut and I'm glad I made that decision.
I do feel like I'm missing out on some important bonding but I've made a point of it to be the only one feeding her so we still get that time together..

I'll also note that I've had fabulous people around me for support. I think I've only had 1 person 'shame' me for bottle feeding. All the midwives at the hospital respected my decision and gave me loads of encouragement to bottle feed, my family has been the same. I've been very lucky.

Good luck with your decision, you'll make the best choice for your baby either way Mumma!

 

[felix555]

This is quite good for reading up ...

https://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/

I planned on breastfeeding, it didn't work and my LO was formula fed from early on.

I wish I never attempted breastfeeding, I don't plan on having another but if I did it would be straight onto formula feeding. Breastfeeding caused me a lot, a lot of heart ache and I will never get those first weeks with my LO back because of it.

I think you should be confident about your decision, when you have a toddler this bf vs. ff thing will be a distant memory.

Your baby will still be healthy and happy. There is so much emphasis on how you feed your baby but it's such a small, small part of what makes a happy baby/child.

Also, I have had absolutely zero judgement about formula feeding IRL, mostly I just come across it online.

I like the FFF (link above) because it's pro-formula rather than anti-breastfeeding which I hate. I truly hate when people are "anti-what you feed your baby" be it formula or breastfeeding.

 

[MindUtopia]

I don't think you can really make a decision based on information alone. It's really about the experiencing of parenting and doing it. If you want information, yes, breastfeeding is generally best. There is some evidence that if you come from a good, stable, upper middle class home with attentive, responsive, nuturing parents who don't smoke and generally lead a healthy lifestyle and have a healthy home life (this isn't being judgemental, it's what the data show) that formula feeding is probably just as good for most babies as breastfeeding. That is, in stable, happy, healthy families, the added benefits of breastfeeding can be minimal because babies get so much other good stuff and appropriate attachment in other ways that formula feeding doesn't - at a population level - put them at a detriment. And keep in mind, this is all measured at the population level. Your experience might be different that average. My daughter is pretty healthy (though FF from 10 weeks, EBF before that), but my friend who is still breastfeeding her daughter of the same age at nearly 2 years has had all sorts of health problems. The data can't predict what will happen with YOUR baby, but they can tell you about overall aggregate trends - and in most research, breastfed babies do better. That's just how it is.

But there's more to parenting that simply striving for certain health outcomes. Emotional well-being of parents is key. Bonding and attachment are key. Coping is key. Having a baby who is thriving because they can actually eat is key. It may be a meaningful trade off to sacrifice a little in potential better health overall if it means mum is happier and baby is thriving. Or mum is coping and can focus on building a stronger bond, etc. It's not as one dimensional as some of the research makes it seem, which is why experiencing it and making the decision for yourself once you are a parent is really key because you're doing what's best for you and your baby.

I would try not to make a decision now. If you aren't uncomfortable with the idea, I'd say give breastfeeding a go. I don't know anyone who tried it, got on well with it without any major struggles, who regretted it. For most of my friends who breastfed, it was easy and amazing after the initial hard weeks at the start. If it doesn't work for you, you can switch to formula. It's easy. You don't need anything in advance unless you live somewhere really rural without access to shops. I breastfed my daughter exclusively for 6 weeks and then had to combination feed for 4 more weeks because I got sick myself and couldn't keep up my milk production enough to pump and she was losing weight because she was struggling to latch. At 10 weeks, my milk dried up completely and I had to switch entirely to formula. It was a really hard decision and I wish circumstances hadn't been what they were, that I had been healthy (had a month of mastitis, fevers, chills, barely being able to get out of bed) and she had been able to latch well enough to eat as much as she needed. We saw every breastfeeding counselor I could find, but nothing helped. She even struggled to latch and eat from a bottle until about 5 months. But switching to formula in that instance for us was definitely the right thing and I'm very glad we did it. I'm glad we gave breastfeeding a go and got to do it as long as we did, and I plan to breastfeed again next time, with the hopes that with a different baby it will be a different experience. But you'll know what's right for you. I would just try not to prematurely decide until you've had a chance to see how you feel. You might have your LO and try BF and love it. You might not and it just might not work. Both are fine.

The reality is, breastfeeding (or breastmilk) is objectively better for babies, just like cow's milk is better for calves than something else. But until you are in the moment, experiencing parenting, I think it's hard to know what will feel right for you. And it's a decision you have to make more based on experience and intuition and feeling than 'facts'.

 

[BabyCleo]

Wow thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate it. I'll read into that link.

 

[xQuinnx]

I chose formula for a few reasons. I tried breastfeeding and for whatever reason my little one never seemed to latch properly, I hated the sensation and was very stressed about how much she was getting. It was too stressful for my family so formula seemed better although I expressed for a while too and used formula at the same time. I also chose formula because my husband was very keen on feeding our daughter and I wanted that too.

If you're torn between breast and formula then I would say try breastfeeding but prepare for formula. Breast pumps are expensive but you could express exclusively, do formula and breast milk. There are endless options it's just about you and your baby are happy with. Good luck

 

[sarah34]

I always said I would try breast feeding but didn't want to do it for a long time. I ended up feeding my lo for the first 3 days and then going on to formula. I've got to admit I loved being able to feed him within in an hour of being born but by the third day I was in so much pain with it and so tired I couldn't do it anymore.

There are pros and cons to both and if you aren't sure then I'd say give breast feeding a go and if u don't like it switch to formula. Xx

 

[justplay91]

This is a very complicated issue. When I was pregnant with my son, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I have to admit, I even thought "Why WOULDN'T anyone breastfeed? I sounds easy, and it's so much cheaper and better than formula!" Ah, the mindset of someone who hasn't yet experienced parenthood and all the gray area that comes along with it!
When Kai was born, he had a great latch and breastfeeding was easy. But over the next few days, he began to lose weight fairly rapidly despite near-constant feeding, and even the very pro-breastfeeding hospital in which I birthed cautioned me that if he lost much more, he would have to be supplemented. It didn't come to that, at first. But because of an emergency bleed and surgery right after birth (I needed two blood transfusions) it took over six days for my milk to come in. By the time it did, I was tired, emotionally destroyed, and in so much pain. I was worried because he was still losing weight, and I decided to start pumping and bottle feeding. This worked like a charm at the time, but I think it was ultimately my fatal mistake in breastfeeding. After he had his fill from a bottle, he was wholly uninterested in the slow-flow from the breast. To make a long story short(er), my supply plummeted because I was pumping and I eventually had to switch to formula. I combi-fed for awhile, but pumping was too much and from about 2 months on, Kai has been exclusively formula fed. At first, I felt terrible, like I had lost an extremely important bond with him. I was afraid I was ruining his life and I had such guilt from feeding him formula. Now, though, I feel great about it. I can be out for more than 30 minutes at a time and my husband or the grandparents can take care of him. I feel great about his health, his weight gain, and my husband can take 50% of the feeds. I'm a much better mother than the one I was when I was tired and upset all the time.
We are planning on having more children soon, and I honestly don't know what I will do. I'm not going to make a decision one way or another this time, because I know now that every baby and every circumstance is completely different. Will i try to breastfeed? Absolutely. I feel good that my son at least got breastmilk the first 2 months of his life. But if I can't again next time? Fine! I'm not going to beat myself up about it, and neither should you. Our ability to mother is in no way affected by whether we breast or bottle feed. One of the most important things I've learned in the last 5 months is that as long as we love them, educate them, and keep them fed , clean, and clothed the best way we can, we're doing our jobs. Everyone has a different idea of what makes a good parent, but that's all that really matters.

Sorry for my essay. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Enjoy it; it all goes by so fast. Good luck with however you choose to feed your baby daughter!

 

[crazy4baby09]

I always wanted to breastfeed and thats what I started out doing, I made plenty of colostrum to keep my little one full but when it came time for my milk to come in I had difficulty making a good amount. My son got so dehydrated his poor little tongue was sticking to the inside of his mouth I consulted the doctors and lactation consultant all who pressured me and made me feel horrible because I wanted to give him formula. I ended up giving it to him anyway and combi-fed until he was 3 months (he was getting mostly formula during that time as well because I only produced a maximum of 4 oz a day).I just want to say that there is no wrong way to feed your baby and if you do decide to formula feed dont let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. Its about what's right for you and your baby and it doesnt matter what others think about it.

 

[mel28nicole]

I wanted to breastfeed and by 38 weeks pregnant I psyched myself out. Honestly around here more people formula feed than breastfeed so I really had no support with breastfeeding. I was afraid baby wouldn't latch, I wouldn't produce enough (which I think could have been true because I dried up within a week of giving birth and barely leaked at all). I was scared I would try so hard to breastfeed that my little one would suffer. So I just stuck to formula. Other than the cost, I have really enjoyed it. It's nice being able to have others feed and bond with her. It takes me about a minute to prepare a bottle, I can do it with one hand. Plus I like being able to know exactly how much my baby is eating, breastfeeding you don't know.

Do whatever you want. That's my advice. Learn the pros and cons of breastfeeding. Learn the pros and cons of formula feeding. In the end, your baby is being fed and that's all that matters.

 

[horseybird]

Hi there , like everyone says it's very personal and I'm sad that you feel so pressured.

With my first I attempted BF but she never got the hang if it and lost 1 pound by day 5. So I expressed and topped up with formula. I liked the fact my baby was finally eating and not looking so listless and I liked that my hubby could be involved.

With my 2 week old, I'm still figuring it out. I do both. I mainly breast feed - she feeds 2 hourly, but she has 1- 2 bottles of formula a day. This is working for is at the moment. She is gaining and I don't feel pressure from trying to force breast feeding to work. She seems a hungry baby and if I need to up or switch to formula I will do.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do x

 

[alibaba24]

I started off breast feeding and I loved it but it got that painful that I couldn't bear it. Some mums can push past it and breast feeding becomes a doddle but I was in hospital recovering from c section and just couldn't. I did express for about a week but with a 4 year old and newborn it was exhausting. Then had issues with flat nipples too so gave in and moved to formula \ bottles. I liked the fact I wasn't leaking everywhere and that I could be a lot more organised with bottles. There's pros and cons to both go with ur gut x

 

[BabyCleo]

Wow thank you so much everyone!! I feel much less pressured that's for sure. I bought a set of bottles and also a breast pump (manual) to give it all a try when the time comes, ill just go with the flow!!

 

[horseybird]

Hi. With my first she didn't latch, I hated it, was painful and stressful. She lost 1 pound by day 5 and was almost admitted to hospital. I felt complete failure and had to formula feed. This worked so much better for us and she regained weight and was happy and healthier.

I have just had my second. She latched easily and is a pig! But I still wanted the freedom of formula. So I do both, she is mainly breast fed, but she has a few bottles of formula. I share night feeds with hubby, I have bought a cover so I can nurse in public, and at the moment we are all hàppy. I will probably switch to formula at some point.

There is no right or wrong. Don't put any pressure on yourself, maybe buy a bit of formula before birth so you know it's in the house. Best of luck xx