New mum looking for advice

[andik]

Hi everyone, I am new to the forum and have come on to see if anyone with experience can give me some advice.

I am a 1st time mum and my son was born 12 weeks premature. After what feels like the longest 9 weeks ever he was allowed home which I was really excited about and couldn't wait to leave. However, now he is home it is a totally different story. I feel like I had so much help and support and explanations of what to do and expect whilst in the hospital but nothing on what to do now he is home.

He was in a routine of breastfeeding every three hours and was waking like clockwork but now we are home he sleeps all the time in the day and has to be woken for his feeds and then at night he is wide awake, not particularly bothered about feeding but just very awake and crying. I only seem to settle him by picking him up and am worried that by doing so I am making a rod for my own back. I have been reading up on a few things today and think he may be cold so will try extra layers tonight and see how it goes but I just feel clueless. I'm not sure how many blankets to use, how to get a feeding routine and whether I should get a routine or let him lead and on top of this I am knackered from being up all night. I have also read about keeping babies awake in the day and stimulating them so they sleep at night but this doesn't seem to work either and I don't want to distress him.

I don't know if I should treat him as being 2 months old or as a newborn. It all seems so confusing and I feel that I am worrying so much about doing the right things for him that I am not actually getting the chance to appreciate he is home which is what I was so desperate for. I actually miss the stability of the hospital - is this normal?

Sorry for going on a bit and venting but am hoping that if nothing else someone will be able to tell me I am not alone in how I feel

 

[bumpsmum]

Welcome and congratulations on your lo.

You are certainly not alone here. You will find alot of parents in here could have written this post themselves. I know I could have.

I would treat baby as a newborn esp as he should technically still be cooking for another 3 weeks 9 weeks of the NICU routine must seem like a lifetime to you and must be a real shock to the system. Again, I think alot of us have seen that once bubs is home its all change let him take the lead with regards routines etc. Sleep is VERY important at his gestation so I would not discourage sleeping during the day, you'll find he may still sleep alot for a while, typically about baby's due date you will start to see him developing and becoming more alert. Maybe try and encourage 'power naps' Matthew napped for 20 mins or so quite regularly at first and this helped regulate day/night pattern.

Your his mummy and you know him best, go with your gut instint regarding feeds etc, despite what the NICU tell you 3 hour gaps between BF is too long for such a tiny tummy, breast milk is digested very quickly, Matthew needed fed every 1 and a half hour (but every baby is different) if you think he is hungry offer him a feed.

Have you thought about expressing? Getting OH involved in feeding baby expressed milk at night will let you try and get some sleep at night and share the feeds betwen you both?

How is his weight gain? Id be reluctant to say let him sleep for any lenghthy period of time between feeds if weight gain is not steady, I can only suggest but id say roughly every 4 hours or so during the night max (I may be way of here but going from experience).

NOW..............most important of all! What's your little man's name? Some photos would be lovely also

Welcome aboard, you will find lots of advice, support, giggles (cause some times we need them) and inspirational stories xx

 

[Marleysgirl]

Damn, I wrote a long reply and then lost it!

Hello and welcome. There is no such thing as a daft question, and you are not alone in feeling "bereft" when you suddenly arrive home without any support after so many weeks. When you feel more settled, please tell us the story of your miracle baby!

I shall answer based on my experience - Andrew was born 11 weeks early, and came home 2 days after his original due date.

Firstly, the feeding. Andrew was on an established routine of 4hrly in the hospital and was discharged with instructions for us to stick to this, even if it meant waking him. We lasted all of one day before thinking "this is stupid". We switched to feeding on demand, and it turned out his schedule was every 4.5 hours then. There are techniques on feeding a baby at night with less disturbance called "dream feeding" if you want to Google.

Your baby could be disturbed overnight because either the Unit used to swaddle him and you don't, or vice versa. And as you say, he could be disturbed because he's cold. Andrew didn't really regulate his temperature successfully for a couple of weeks, so we were swaddling him and dressing him in loads of layers including knitted cardis & hats (midwife suggestion). I think when he was first home, we had a sheet and two blankets on him! Seems overkill, but we were checking his temp with a thermometer and that's what was needed.

Generally with prems, and especially with the more premature, you should think of your baby as being their "corrected age", ie. yours is currently a newborn. Andrew still slept all day & night when first home, just like a newborn. If they develop earlier than corrected age, it's a bonus.

I'm learning through this forum that I was incredibly lucky with the level of support I got after discharge - 8 weeks of Outreach Midwife visits, with somebody always available at the end of the telephone if I had a query. I've also got a good rapport with my HV team, and can call them with daft questions. Has your HV been in touch yet?

The other regulars will be along shortly to provide further support. You are not alone now!

 

[AP]

and im just gonna say hiiiiii because the other girls have got it in one. welcome!

 

[Laura2919]

Hiya,
I had Chloe and Jaycee at 29 weeks. they spent a remarkable 4 weeks in NNU, For babies that early its amazing and I see most have spent at least 9 weeks in NNU.
I didnt BF the twins and only expressed for a week before I gave up due to my milk supply. The hospital put them on Nutri-Prem2 and they were feeding every 3hrs, when I got them home I started feeding on demand, It worked better for me and for the girls. Of a night it was much easier because I didnt have to wake them and feed them as they didnt wake up and sometimes if one did the other didnt. It used to take me about 2hrs of a night and it wasnt pleasant.
Their weight continued to go up and the HV and consultant were pleased and said I was fine to continue with feeding on demand instead of every 3-4hrs.
I also found I didnt really know too much about the whole baby/prem thing so I let them develop at their own pace with regular contact with my HV. I started weaning early for a prem with the backing of my HV and my consultant and it worked out very well.

I havent experienced having a term baby or a healthy baby so I have no clue and I just let them develop at their own speed. They are now only about a month behind most 13 month olds and are developing quicker than my cousins little girl who was born to term!.

I hope this helps x

 

[nursejackson]

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! I'm not much help since my twins are still in the NICU but I wanted to mention something they have told me about coming home with them. They mentioned that if they don't sleep well at night it may be because it's too quit and they need some kind of white noise. It's because they are so used to all the beepings and noise of the NICU.

Maybe with yours during the day theres enough noise for him to sleep during the day but at night it gets to quit for him.

Good luck and also it is normal for newborns to get their nights and days mixed up and that's when you have to set a routine. Good luck!

 

[TwoBumps]

Hi & welcome! The others have got it in one and I would agree with Nurse Jackson with regards to the noise. My twins found it too quiet at night when they came home and we found that having some music playing softly in the background really helped them too settle

 

[andik]

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for your replies, they have all really helped and I feel a lot better today. I did find last night that additional layers helped so think he may have been cold and I have bought a musical toy for his moses basket which he seems to like so we are making progress already!!

Now that my initial panic is over I will introduce him!

My son is Nathan and was born at 27 weeks plus 6 days due to a placental abruption. I went from discovering I was bleeding and going to hospital to be checked at approx 6pm on a Sunday evening to being told I was having contractions due to the bleed and within an hour and a half my son had arrived weighing 2 pounds 14 ounces which apparently is a good weight for a premature baby. We had our ups and downs but survived 9 weeks in hospital and have finally come home fully breastfeeding and weighing 4 pounds 5 ounces to start the next bit of the journey...

 

[AP]

Thats a VERY good weight!!! Ahhhhh look at him, hes gorgeous!

 

[Marleysgirl]

Hello Nathan That was a very good birthweight I hope he sleeps better for you again tonight.

 

[nursejackson]

I'm glad you are finding things that work. Parenting is really finding things that work and it can be challenging at times. I'm glad you are finally home with your little one. I'm still waiting on my twins to come home, I'm hoping it's not much longer but not getting too excited