New single mummy

[JumpingIn]

Hi lovely ladies

The relationship between me and my partner has collapsed. He convinced me for years that I was nuts and everything was my fault and I was a dreadful person. He gave me weeks of silent treatment and subtle torture and blamed me for all of it. So even if he isn't out I most certainly am.

We've been together 6 years and own a home jointly which we're currently living in with our 13-month-old son. We're not married
I'm mainly stay at home, working 3 mornings a week for money that barely covers childcare. He is the breadwinner, working full time in a good job. He is in charge of all the money. I was due to go back to university in September. I doubt this will happen now.

I have questions.

1. Has anyone remained in the same house as FOB and made that work somehow? I'm doubting this is truly an option for us long term because he refuses to talk or cooperate unless everything is on his terms. The atmosphere is horrid.
2. Has anyone managed to live separately without much of a salary? How would I even go about this?
3. Has anyone split from a partner who is claiming you are mentally unstable? I'm worried about his claims when it comes to residency etc

I probably have a hundred more questions but it's all just whirling round in my head and I've only just convinced myself that it's over between me and the man I have loved all this time. He loves our son and aside from leaving the house without saying goodbye to him to prove a point and leaving me to suffer the sleepless nights alone with him, he's been nothing but loving as a father. Just a crap partner.

I'm 28 with no degree and no real job prospects yet because I've mainly been studying or going slowly mad all this time

Please share your stories or anything you think might help right now

Thank you so much

 

[Jennifurball]

Unfortunately for me, I am pregnant with my second to a different man, and single again lol, I brought my first up from 12 weeks old. You will manage, prob even better on your own. You will get help towards childcare, rent, tax credits.

I cope better on my own without a man dragging me down, I have also been told I am mentally unwell (only when men are around making me anxious and making me lose my confidence). I feel strong now, I got a new home on the way, I work part time, you will be fine honestly. You have nothing to worry about with his claims. They won't just take his word for it, they hear crap like that all the time off exes. Be strong and prove him wrong, you don't need this and to live in a bad atmosphere because it will rub off on your kids. x

 

[Louise88]

Hey hun sounds like your relationship with your ex was very abusive please read about the dominator and domestic abuse. If you want to leave him I'd suggest not living in the same house as this is where he will 'work' on you liar and persuasive tactics to make you feel your a rubbish person and that you can't cope without him etc. Are you in the UK? If so do an online benefit calculator as a single person with a child and it will tell you how much you are entitled to and of course you will get maintenance on top of that from dad and if he refuses you can go through CSA who will automatically deduct it from his wage every month and don't need his permission.

I myself have recently parted from an abusive partner of 6 years we have 2 children who were getting caught up in the middle of arguments, watching their dad get angry and smash things aswell as him disrespect me and put me down in front of them. A neighbour got worried and rang social services which is where I started getting real help they sent me on courses to understand domestic abuse and the effects it can have on children. It really opened my eyes so when it came to me telling my now ex to get out I really had to be strong and stick to my guns and not let him back. He still sees the kids and is paying me money and is moving away today for a fresh start but will be still talking to his kids daily and seeing them monthly.

Good luck hun my inbox is open if you need to talk to someone I know how hard it is and I am the last person who sit here and say 'just leave him' 'I don't know why you let someone treat you like that' because I know just how hard it is and I know it's not as easy as just 'splitting up'. Xx

 

[Beanonorder]

I'm sorry but anybody who doesn't say goodbye to his child to prove a point (in other words, just to be spiteful) is not a good parent. A good parent does not use their child or disadvantage them in anyway. I'm saying this because I spent ages making excuses and defending my ex and saying even though he's done x and y he's still a good dad.

You need to be apart. Loving together in that atmosphere is not good for your child. Your ex needs to pay maintenance and don't let him get away without doing it. He should be the one moving out and if he really cares about his child then he would do that to ensure his child has a good roof over his head.
You will be ok!