new to this forum.. really down & need some support!!

[baby030611]

Hi,

well.. my story so you understand...

I am 21.. will be 22 when baby arrives .. so classed as 'young' too.

I was seeing a guy whos 22 for over 2 years now. He had a g/f and was constantly playing us off against each other. He disappeared on holiday with her twice.. and then got engaged and moved in with last xmas!! I told him if he didnt leave her i was gone... he said i will baby tomo and he moved out..

He PROMISED me he would never get back with her.. then i found out he was still living there all along..

In April I then had a miscarriage .. i didnt even know i was pregnant

He didnt come to the hospital once.

A week later he told me he has to stay with her and hung up.. i just knew... she is pregnant

He then said he left her a number of times during her being pregnant and spent loads of time with me .. then i fell pregnant too. (it wasnt planned , i was actually taking the pill and it did not work! just my life story .. you wouldnt believe tbh) He wanted me to get rid but after making the appointment and not speaking to him ( as i didnt want to , but i always did as he asked) he said he wouldnt let me go through this not after loosing my baby in april. BUT he didnt wanna be around and after my scan last monday.. she found out and he told her the baby wasnt his. He told me he would tell her after her baby was born .. and after xmas (how cosy) that it was his n then leave her for me.

She had her baby yesterday. I got told that hes not excited about my baby as hes done it all once with her baby and will always put her baby first.

Hes broke my heart. I want nothing to do with him but its so hard for me to cut him off. I dont want him interfering in my life anymore i dont want my baby knowing its daddy never wanted him/her and was never excited.. always put us last.

How do i do it alone?? i feel sooo lonely right now. I cante describe how i am feeling but i wanna be strong and it just be me & my baby against the world but im struggling to get him and her and their baby out of my head

Hes a horrible person who plays people and is also on sex websites and texs every girl you can imagine!

I dont wanna be judged as i know ive probably brought this on my self.. but i believe in everything happens for a reason and i love my baby sooo much and want it with all my life i really do.

What do you guys do to stay strong and happy??

Sorry for the essay xx

 

[MissRhead]

Hi sweetie firstly massive hugs! He sounds like a right arse!
I've just turned 20 and have a 10 month old little boy, congrats to you
you can and will cope Hun, I feel like I'm never totaly alone with having kam with me, it can be tough at times but it is so worth it I promise you! If you ever want to chat just messege me, always here xxx

 

[Dopeyjopey]

it can be hard at times but i found the less i contacted FOB the easier it got. It is ok to have some feelings towards the father of your baby, even if they have been a right bell end. I stopped listening to what other people said about FOB, it only hurts more. If he doesn't prove himself, don't put him on the birth certificate and then he will have no parental rights x

 

[baby030611]

If he doesn't prove himself, don't put him on the birth certificate and then he will have no parental rights x[/QUOTE]

Is this right tho? cos i havent a clue about parental rights ect. and he hasnt been to one appointment .. wont come to any scan and says he might be at the birth! but all i want to do is cut him out & have nothing to do with nhim. Hes not only letting me down hes letting our child down and i wont let him do that ever. Hes never put us first and i cant take it no more. I hope that if i dont put him on it does mean hes doesnt have rights as this would make things sooo much easier.

I dont want him taking my child to their house and her holding my baby!

Sounds stupid but i dont. Really hope i can cut him off. Hes started being distant since their baby arrived so probably be easier for em to do this.. I really hope!! xx

 

[shyfox1988]

Hi,

well.. my story so you understand...

I am 21.. will be 22 when baby arrives .. so classed as 'young' too.

I was seeing a guy whos 22 for over 2 years now. He had a g/f and was constantly playing us off against each other. He disappeared on holiday with her twice.. and then got engaged and moved in with last xmas!! I told him if he didnt leave her i was gone... he said i will baby tomo and he moved out..

He PROMISED me he would never get back with her.. then i found out he was still living there all along..

In April I then had a miscarriage .. i didnt even know i was pregnant

He didnt come to the hospital once.

A week later he told me he has to stay with her and hung up.. i just knew... she is pregnant

He then said he left her a number of times during her being pregnant and spent loads of time with me .. then i fell pregnant too. (it wasnt planned , i was actually taking the pill and it did not work! just my life story .. you wouldnt believe tbh) He wanted me to get rid but after making the appointment and not speaking to him ( as i didnt want to , but i always did as he asked) he said he wouldnt let me go through this not after loosing my baby in april. BUT he didnt wanna be around and after my scan last monday.. she found out and he told her the baby wasnt his. He told me he would tell her after her baby was born .. and after xmas (how cosy) that it was his n then leave her for me.

She had her baby yesterday. I got told that hes not excited about my baby as hes done it all once with her baby and will always put her baby first.

Hes broke my heart. I want nothing to do with him but its so hard for me to cut him off. I dont want him interfering in my life anymore i dont want my baby knowing its daddy never wanted him/her and was never excited.. always put us last.

How do i do it alone?? i feel sooo lonely right now. I cante describe how i am feeling but i wanna be strong and it just be me & my baby against the world but im struggling to get him and her and their baby out of my head

Hes a horrible person who plays people and is also on sex websites and texs every girl you can imagine!

I dont wanna be judged as i know ive probably brought this on my self.. but i believe in everything happens for a reason and i love my baby sooo much and want it with all my life i really do.

What do you guys do to stay strong and happy??

Sorry for the essay xx

aww huni firstly BIG , im not one to judge and you certainly didnt bring this on your self you dont deserve how this guys treated you, hes the kind of guy i hate thinking they can have their cake and eat it too,

and im not going to lie being a single mummy is damn hard but you will cope honestly, im a 22 year old single mummy to 3 lil ones my eldest son is 5years old, youngest son is 3 in january and my baby girl will be 3 weeks old on thursday, but i manage and its my kids that keep me going, if i didnt have them i honestly dont know what id do, seeing them smile laugh healthy and happy is just what i need to get me through the hard times,

ive had misscarrages too and they are not easy too get through but your angel is looking over you and her baby brother/sister and will help guide you through this, if he chooses not to be apart of your babys life then thats his loss, but he will still have to pay his way for the baby thats what csa is for and he can not run from them and that might make his gf reaslise what a coward heartless twit he is,

just think of you and your baby and you will get through this, there is also some lovely girls/ladies on here that are so supportive and helped me alot through hard times its what we are all here for,

im always here for you if you ever need to chat to someone, you can always inbox me anytime, im on here most of the time lol, expecially in the evenings when all the kids are in bed, this site keeps me sane

xXx

 

[baby030611]

[/QUOTE]
aww huni firstly BIG , im not one to judge and you certainly didnt bring this on your self you dont deserve how this guys treated you, hes the kind of guy i hate thinking they can have their cake and eat it too,

and im not going to lie being a single mummy is damn hard but you will cope honestly, im a 22 year old single mummy to 3 lil ones my eldest son is 5years old, youngest son is 3 in january and my baby girl will be 3 weeks old on thursday, but i manage and its my kids that keep me going, if i didnt have them i honestly dont know what id do, seeing them smile laugh healthy and happy is just what i need to get me through the hard times,

ive had misscarrages too and they are not easy too get through but your angel is looking over you and her baby brother/sister and will help guide you through this, if he chooses not to be apart of your babys life then thats his loss, but he will still have to pay his way for the baby thats what csa is for and he can not run from them and that might make his gf reaslise what a coward heartless twit he is,

just think of you and your baby and you will get through this, there is also some lovely girls/ladies on here that are so supportive and helped me alot through hard times its what we are all here for,

im always here for you if you ever need to chat to someone, you can always inbox me anytime, im on here most of the time lol, expecially in the evenings when all the kids are in bed, this site keeps me sane

xXx[/QUOTE]

Thanx so much it really does help been on here at times. Ive met a really good friend whos kind of in the same boat too.

Thing is i dont want his money either. I dotn want him to have anything to do with my baby. If he pays.. he can say he has rights and i dont want him involved at all nothing nada.

I catn believe ive let this child (him i mean by this) do this to me and honestly.. the thing that keeps me going and stops me crying on a night is my tiny baby growing inside me and i just look at my scan pic and makes me smile. Its like ive asked for happiness and ive been given it. I just need to cut the things that make me stressed right out. If anything happened to my baby from him stressing me out.. he would defo know about it!!!

xx

 

[Dopeyjopey]

Here is some information about parental responsibility:

https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954

It is my understanding that he would have to go through the courts to get responsibility if you don't put him on the cert. He would then have to prove that he has shown an interest and made an effort x

 

[chels24uk]

ohh huni im so sorry you have been treated like that! its disgusting how a lot of men think that they can treat women in this way. My ex was constantly cheating etc. He clearly saw you as his piece on the side, and its disgusting to play with your emotions in that way.

You do what you feel is right huni. Cut him out entirely if this is what you feel is right for your baby. Just delete his number, change yours if you have to and cut him out.

I have a 5 year old son and another on the way. My ex is moving over 300 miles away to be with a girl hes only just met, and it hurts like hell as he is treating her loads better than he ever treated me, and already putting her ahead of our son and unborn baby. Thing is, hes already cheating on this girl. Its amazing what you realise you have escaped from after a split. You deserve so much better and im sure you know this. Im not going to lie and say given time you'll get over him... yes time is a healer, but its incredibly hard. You'll have ups and downs. I find it helps to focus on the really bad points and the reasons i will never go back. Gets me through the bad times. Let yourself feel what you need to feel and surround yourself with your friends and family if possible.

As for being a single mum, ive been officially a single mum for about 2 or so months now (he played a huge part in our sons life when we originally broke up in Jan, then we got back together for 8 weeks, split again and hes playing less of a role and soon will be gone) and it IS very hard work. But its also sooo rewarding so truly makes it all sooo worth it. I actually find that my son is actually calmer without his dad around all the time. wont deny im scared of how i will cope when baby arrives - but thats natural. Just wait until your baby arrives... smiles for the first time, laughs, crawls etc... you'll realise hes the one missing out and you can pride yourself in the fact that YOU and YOU alone are raising this gorgeous little person

 

[baby030611]

Thanx guys... He's just text me after me tellin him to leave me alone and he's not contacted me all day as he's been in the hosp wi his new family all day and the text said night I love you x

Arghhhhh mind games!! x

 

[Dopeyjopey]

It's probably a way to try and keep you interested. FOB did that to me the other day 10 minutes after declaring myself back in the dating game on FB! x

 

[baby030611]

I just said please leave me alone & he said he'll always b there as a friend...

I've got enough friends don't need friends like him!

 

[shyfox1988]

nope u certainly dont need him as a friend hes only gonna play mind games contantly, the daddy to my baby girl does it all the time xXx

 

[Dopeyjopey]

FOB said the exact same thing to me. He just forgot to mention that he would be there as a friend only when he needs something.

Bloody men!

 

[young-mummy]

mee loves you beccaaa!!! we dont need them sperm donners xxx

 

[sciencemum]

im a single mum of 22 and what keeps me happy and strong is having my little girl all to myself.

All throughout the pregnancy i felt so up and down and it was all related to him and him threatening to take me to court and all them things, i was so scared i would never bond with my baby and all things like that, however as soon as she was here, i found this NEW strength and I just get on with it.


Jokes on him love, just enjoy your pregnancy (because i didnt enjoy mine thanks to him and it really gets to me) and when your baby is here you will see what I mean.

 

[xarlenex]

I was a single mummy for a while, so I tend to pop in and out here. You don't need someone like that in you and you childs life.

It sounds like he just knows you'll always be there, regardless of what he says/does, or how he treats you so you have to shock him. Dont text/phone, he'll soon wonder whats up.

Hope you start feelin better soon!