Newly single...

[BattyNora]

Hi everyone,

So...after months of struggling though my husband and I split up a month ago. I've been finding it really hard and am coming in here hoping to get that little nudge I'm needing. The last couple of weeks I have found so, so hard just to get out of bed or talk to people. On Wednesday I drove, without Bee - she was with my mum, and didn't want to turn around. I was so close to just going and not coming back. I feel awful I could even think that.

I'm trying to do things to keep me occupied (obviously apart from Bee!). I am living with my parents, and will do for the foreseeable future, so have going to try and take advantage of being able to go to the gym in the evenings, and has also kept myself busy while she's been at her dad's by gyming it. Maybe focussing on weight loss/fitness will help me find the new me in every sense of the word.

We didn't TTC at all, we didn't 'mean' to fall pregnant. We'd only been married four months and had decided to WTT for a few years to get our own place and a bit more of a stable financial footing before trying. I know we had her too soon, and our relationship wasn't ready for it. It blew us out of the water and we couldn't make our way back. We did try, we genuinly tried, but it came to this. I miss him. I miss us. He's been my life for 6 years, since I was 16, and he is all I've ever known. I love Phoebe, but I do feel like I'm missing my soul right now. I need to find a way of healing.

P and I are still close, he's my best friend and that is a bond that hasn't been broken, which I sometimes think makes it all easier and other think just makes it horrendously harder! We currently working out what is best in terms of Bee. We had almost agreed he would have her every Saturday afternoon to Sunday evening after I said I wasn't comfortable with two night weekends but today, after having her thursday-saturday he's again broached the subject of having her every Friday-Sunday. Part of me thinks, as much as it pains me, that as long as he is wiling to do that maybe I should put my feelings aside and encourage it. It would mean he still maintains his relationship with her and wouldn't it be best for her?

Anyway, I think I may be here quite a bit now. I never, ever, thought I would end up like this but I have to make the most of what I've got - and I have got a wonderful little girl.

 

[Shezza84uk]

So sorry your going through this it's actually one of the most difficult things to do while still loving fob. It definately gets better with time! Xxx

 

[BattyNora]

Thank you. Am struggling coming to terms with it being over at the moment..I keep hoping for this miracle that isn't going to happen.

 

[cherry_pie]

My husband walked out 3 days before Christmas when our son was 5 months old. It was a complete shock and I thought my world was falling apart. I couldn't imagine how I would ever go on. I married him when I was just turned 20, made a lot of sacrafices getting married so young in terms of my education and travelling liek my friends did. Instead of doing the masters and PhD I worked and payed the mortgage. Then he left.

However, after the initial shock wore off, I found I actually didn't miss him all that much, because our relationship wasn't actualyl as good as I had thought and I couldn't see that while we were together. I realised that somewhere along the way I had lost my sense of identity without realising and meaning to. I too moved back in with parents. I have been going to the gym, takign my son out nice walks, going to baby groups, taking him swimming, going for coffee and reading a book while he sleeps, shoppign for clothes that I love without wondering if my husband will like them. I began doing all this to take my mind of what was happening, however I found I actualyl started to enjoy it. I enjoy waking up and doing what I want, not what fits in with his schedule.

Of course, I have had my fair share of driving to nowhere when I'm on my own and crying in empty car parks at night. But I think it is the thought of what I should have had that makes me sad, the family life I wanted, not the one I actually had that I was pining for if that makes sense? I don't miss my husband, I miss havign partner, and I hate the thought Im a single mother, and my son has to have a separated mum and dad, I so did not want that for him, but I don't actually miss him, himself.

You will have to accpet that this is the way things have turned out, and it is so difficult to see now when it is all so raw, but it more than likely is for the best. Find something goo dto celebrate every single day, even if it is something tiny like seeing your little one break into smile when you lift her in the morning. So much worse can happen that becoming single. I am always terrified of somethign really bad happening down the line that erally makes me sad and realising I wasted time being sad over something silly, like losing someone who didn't love me anyway.

I knowo this is my story and not yours, but maybe it will help just a little. It really isn't as bad as it seems, and for me anyway, it was the thought of my husband leaving me, and being called a single mother that upset me more than him actually leaving.
xx

 

[Lotti1978]

Hi everyone,

So...after months of struggling though my husband and I split up a month ago. I've been finding it really hard and am coming in here hoping to get that little nudge I'm needing. The last couple of weeks I have found so, so hard just to get out of bed or talk to people. On Wednesday I drove, without Bee - she was with my mum, and didn't want to turn around. I was so close to just going and not coming back. I feel awful I could even think that.

I'm trying to do things to keep me occupied (obviously apart from Bee!). I am living with my parents, and will do for the foreseeable future, so have going to try and take advantage of being able to go to the gym in the evenings, and has also kept myself busy while she's been at her dad's by gyming it. Maybe focussing on weight loss/fitness will help me find the new me in every sense of the word.

We didn't TTC at all, we didn't 'mean' to fall pregnant. We'd only been married four months and had decided to WTT for a few years to get our own place and a bit more of a stable financial footing before trying. I know we had her too soon, and our relationship wasn't ready for it. It blew us out of the water and we couldn't make our way back. We did try, we genuinly tried, but it came to this. I miss him. I miss us. He's been my life for 6 years, since I was 16, and he is all I've ever known. I love Phoebe, but I do feel like I'm missing my soul right now. I need to find a way of healing.

P and I are still close, he's my best friend and that is a bond that hasn't been broken, which I sometimes think makes it all easier and other think just makes it horrendously harder! We currently working out what is best in terms of Bee. We had almost agreed he would have her every Saturday afternoon to Sunday evening after I said I wasn't comfortable with two night weekends but today, after having her thursday-saturday he's again broached the subject of having her every Friday-Sunday. Part of me thinks, as much as it pains me, that as long as he is wiling to do that maybe I should put my feelings aside and encourage it. It would mean he still maintains his relationship with her and wouldn't it be best for her?

Anyway, I think I may be here quite a bit now. I never, ever, thought I would end up like this but I have to make the most of what I've got - and I have got a wonderful little girl.

My husband is also my best mate so I know how you feel....but if things are bad you end up resenting them and almost hating them......Im wanting a seperation....Im going to read your posts...thanks xxxx Good Luck..xxxxxxxxxx