Nightmares

[SpringCrane]

My son has started with bad dreams or night terrors. He has them once or twice a night a night or two a week. Is this a common amount for an almost 2.5 y/o?

Between the hours of 6 am - 6 pm, little dude prefers Daddy (probably because he's home with me while Dad's at work). However, once we start the bedtime routine until wake up time, he only wants me. I've always been fine doing all the night stuff since I nursed (never pumped), and husband has a very mentally intensive job and doesn't do well with sleep disturbances. However, we are expecting our second, and both dad and kid are going to need to get used to Dad doing the nighttime support when needed. (All I have to do is go in there, speak calmly telling him he's safe and OK, and he goes back down fine.)

Anyway... When should we start transitioning to having Daddy help at night? Should we both go in together at first? He definitely does better if we talk about changes first, so we'll definitely prepare him beforehand. Just wondering if anyone's gone through something similar in preparation for baby 2.

Daddy hasn't had to go in to help in ages, but at the last attempt it really set my son off to a big crying meltdown that required me to calm him down and took forever to get everyone back to sleep. I just want to avoid that happening... ever.

 

[Willow01]

I could have written this post myself hun, I have a 4 week old baby and a toddler who is 2 & 1/2 years old and has recently began suffering from nightmares once or twice a week. Have you researched the 30 month sleep regression? A lot of it links to what is happening to my toddler at the moment, )https://www.babysleepsite.com/toddlers/5-things-about-2-year-old-toddler-sleep/)

It mentions naps stopping, potty training beginning, imagination coming into play and of course a new sibling! I think a lot of these things are contributing to the disturbance in sleep but like you I used to be the main comforter at night before the baby came along but now that really isn't possible so my partner has had to take over. He started comforting him when he woke a few weeks before the baby came along and to be honest it was hard for all of us, my boy just wanted me, I wanted to comfort him and my partner found it very hard to deal with (he never done much of the comfort at night time before). However the good news is that everyone got used to the new routine very quickly and if anything it has brought the two of them closer together, I actually feel a bit of jealousy!! From what I read perseverance with comforting in the night and reminding yourself it won't last forever will help us get through this phase. Thinking about all the changes that is happening to my wee boy makes me want to cry but he is dealing with being a big brother, dropping naps and potty training so well, me on the other hand....lol!! Good luck!x

 

[SpringCrane]

Thank you Willow! What a reassuring post to read. When your husband first started doing nighttime comfort, and your son was upset, did you go in to help or leave them to it? Like most things, I'm sure consistency is important, but I'm worried I won't be able to resist jumping in and helping.

 

[Willow01]

I left them to it from the beginning and never went in even for a peak, it was heartbreaking listening to him crying and he didn't stop crying for a long time for the first few nights, in the end I took myself out the house so I couldn't hear him and had a little cry myself if I am honest but I knew it had to be that way in the long run and things did get better, and it will work out for you too. One thing we did do beforehand was made a big deal of his room, decorated it with things he wanted and tried to make it extra special for him, maybe that is something to consider too. I felt so guilty having a second child for a long time because I worried about how it would affect my toddler but 4 weeks in things have really settled down, good luck hun xx

 

[Rainstorm]

I'm in the same position, only dh started putting ds to bed shortly after I found out i was preggo and stopped nursing him to sleep. Now daddy does ds and I do dd, but he has days when he starts crying for mommy and dh has to bring him to my bedroom so he can cuddle with me for a while. He still cries when dh finally takes him to his room... There were a lot of changes. He changed bedrooms and transitioned from the crib to a bed, and at first he would wake up and come to our bedroom. After his sister was born he stopped coming. He now wakes up and starts calling out for me and saying: where's mommy? I love mommy. And the worst is I cannot go cos dd might wake up, so dh goes and lies down with him until he falls back asleep. Just like in Willow's case, this arrangement has brought them together which at first was very difficult for me, cos he would only want daddy for a while. But I am glad to see the bond between them growing stronger. Dh loves doing the nighttime routine, but doesn't get used to being woken up in the middle of the night

 

[SpringCrane]

My little guy is apparently a mind reader because last night he specifically asked Daddy to put him to bed and gave me a kiss and said good night! Maybe we'll transition to him doing the bedtime routine a few nights a week and grow daddy's role from there. I do still have 19 weeks!

Willow, I have totally been there with having a cry when your little one is doing the same. It's heartbreaking.

I want to prepare for all the changes my son will experience with his sibling's arrival, but I know there's only so much I can do to help him. It's a transition that many, many youngsters experience without any lasting harm, right, so I know it'll just be a phase like any other. I'm just dreading seeing my little guy feel sad, left out, confused, or any other negative emotion. I know it's life though, and we grow from both good times and bad!