No Emotion, no Feeling just nothing....

[jacky24]

I have hit a very horrible place today, i am sad, down, tired and just plain simple out of hope for myself.

I hate it when i feel so sorry for myself, but today it is diffrent....

I trully miss CJ today, i am actually considering not TTC for a year, to get my life back on track and lose my exstra 66pounds that i am also depressed about.

But how do i tell OH i don't want to TTC, or quite frankly i don't know what i want anymore... I feel like i will never lose this weight, i will never get my , and i will never get over the loss of my baby boy....

I wish i had seen him, held his hand, stroked his face and just held him to my chest......

 

[charveyron]

Oh huni I'm so sorry you're feeling like this - If you really feel like you need to stop TTC then you should stop - I'm sure your OH would understand - you've been through a hell of a lot, perhaps you just need some time together to grieve propperly for you LO.

I hope you fimd the answers you're looking for

 

[Uvlollypop]

i dont know what to say, cuddles

 

[superp123]

Jacky,
So sorry that you're down today. Maybe it's time to take some of the preasure away. Sit DH and talk about how you're feeling and see what he thinks about what the next steps should be. You may be surprised at what he'd say. I'm sure that he only wants you to be happy no matter what and if that means taking a long vacation from TTC then I know he'll be okay with it.
Hang in there hun.
P

 

[millymolly]

So so sorry you are feeling so down... (I have been in some horribly dark places at times in the past!)

Grief alone is enough to deal with and you need time to heal both emotionally and physically!

Making decisions as difficult as this is never easy but communication is so important ... I'm sure if you both discuss how you are really feeling and then make a decision on what to do in the near future, it might help?

I wish you all the best
Take care of yourself
xxx

 

[ANGYPANGY]

just wanted to give you a hug

 

[miel]

well i think you don't have to forgot about ttc 100% but put it more on your not super important list at the moment ...

i think it's great you want to shape back your body ...concentrate on that on your priority and you still ttc in a more casual way so to speak...
Do not leave us ...i need to lose some pounds as well so i am going to concentrate on that this cycle too ( i need to loose probably 20/25 pounds) and still BD as well...so we can help each other get motivated for our 2 missions
* be nice and healthy
* have sex and BFP will happen when it happen

love ya!
PS: i think when you miss CJ i know it's hard sweetie but i am sure on is little cloud of heaven he knows is mommy is thinking of him and love very very much

 

[tillymum]

Just want to send you out a big hug,

 

[todteach]

Big Jacky. Sending you all my love. Take care.

 

[Suzanne]

This just breaks my heart to hear you like this sweetie! I know nothing any of us say can take away your grief that you have about losing CJ! I just want to take all that pain away!

Personally if I was you the first thing I would be looking at is dealing with your grief first, then your weight issue 2nd! Because I think if you can learn to cope with what happened with CJ (I say cope because you will always grieve) then I think the weight issue will become something that isnt as important to you! It will seem less insignificant!

Your in a bad place right now hun and I think you would be right to put TTC on a back burner for now! Yes another baby would occupy you but until you have truly dealt with your grief over CJ you can never truly move on!

I know CJ would of just turned 14 months old and that is another milestone for you to deal with and if you are looking at it monthly then each month you will feel the same until you have come to terms with it! I hope that doesnt sound harsh hun, truly I dont because it is not meant to. The majority of us here have absolutley no idea what you are going through all we can do is imagine and that hurts me so god only knows how you feel.

Please see about doing some counselling if your not already, did I read that you have done it in the past? If so I think you need to continue it hun! And it maybe something you want to do for years to come, even after you have gone on to have another beautiful baby, my brother died 20 years ago and there are times when I just break down and lose it, it stays with us but we learn to cope.

I could go on and on sweetie I really could but im sure you have enough to deal with without reading my ramblings, please know we are here for you hun anytime!

 

[NeyNey]

Oh sweetie. I agree with what has been said already. You need to look after you.

- Keep in contact though - I will miss you terribly

 

[genkigemini]

And kisses, Honey!!!!

I so wish I could hug you for real. I totally agree with Miel. You do not have to stop TTC 100% and lots of us long term girlies are on the weight loss plan so you should join us there. Make that your #1 focus and TTC can come second. That is pretty much my plan for between appointments.

Friday I am starting Weight Watchers. Maybe you can join something like that too?

As far as CJ, I truly have no words but just know that I love you and I am praying for you and your husband both.