No one really wants to be here

[sandt2]

It is terrible to say but as much as I appreciate that this site exists, and that there are so many wonderful supportive people here, I just never dreamed I would be discussing these details, feeling crazy, and looking for this type of support.

I do want to say thank you though because this is one of the safest ways to have support. Many people do not understand and even the closest friends and family mean well, but sometimes are more hurtful.

Do others feel this way too?

Thanks

 

[maz]

I find this site a great source of refuge. We haven't really told family and friends of our troubles, as we don't want to burden them with our worries. But after our MC in December, I explained everything to my mum and my DH's mum. Unfortunately, people don't understand the difficulties and stress that goes along with LTTTC, and the best my DH's mum could offer, was to relax and it would happen naturally. My mum was a bit more tactful and didn't really say anything - she just gave us a hug.

This part of the forum isn't where anybody would choose to be, but I have to say that I've made a couple of friends from here ...

I hope your stay isn't too long, and you get your very soon.

 

[sandt2]

Maz

I cannot thank you enough for your support.

My DH and I felt exaclty the same way. We didn't want anyone to know that we were ttc. In a weak moment I told my brothers new girlfriend my whole story of ttc for 2.5 years and that I didn't want my family to know - and I explained all of the reasons why I didn't want them to know. I really like my brothers girlfriend and I thought I could trust her. Well two months later my mother asks me flat out what is going on cause she heard from the girlfriend that we are trying. Ahhhhhhh so I cry and explain everything to my mom and that I don't want to talk about it or for anyone to know.

So get this a month later (just two months ago) i get a phone call from my brothers new girlfriend - she is pregnant - wow - what can I even say - now my parents know that I am a mess and try to be supportive about this news and in turn say every wrong thing possible.

So in another weak moment I tell a friend my disaster of a weekend only to get more disaster -

All of this is just not want anyone plans

I wish you all the best too and would love to hear from you when you get your
All the best

 

[Sparkysgirl82]

I agree. We have been trying for about 4 years now. It is heartbreaking to think about it, let alone talk about it. It is very stressful, and I have been fortunate enough to be able to confide in some close family and friends of our problems... however, I dont bring it up very often because really, they don't get it. They don't understand the heartache that goes with it, and how deeply it affects even our everyday activities. I don't go more than a few hours without it popping up in my head. And it can get me down. Of course you don't want to go and burden your friends and family every time you think about it!

Its a hard road, and it is tough dealing with it. As much as you wished they understood, you desperately hope they never have to experience and understand it!

*sigh*... I suppose life never was meant to be easy...

 

[sandt2]

Thank you so much for your support.

Life isn't easy and I realize that everyone is dealing with something ttc, divorce, illness, etc. not fair all the way around - all we can do is keeping hoping day by day.

One description that I found online once helped explain the feelings we go through with ltttc. It was like ttc is like the loss of a loved one, although usually you go through the grief process and get closure, but with ttc it is like a monthly hope that you will get to see that loved one, one more time.

Thanks again

 

[Kelly9]

I don't want to be here either but am happy for the people that are here with me to make the stay as positive as possible. Tonight was hard in particular cause the one friend I originally told that we were ttc (before ltttc) got knocked up by her own stupidity with a guy she'd been dating 3 months. Now it is hard to be around her... tonight DH and I went to a party and she came along later and it was baby this baby that I hate being pregnant grabbing her bump making jokes about it and telling the other girls in the room they'll get knocked up to and carrying on as if I wasn't there, as if it didn't bother me. We left early to say the least. We used to be good friends but I can't stand to be around her, it breaks my heart to much. I stopped confiding in her when she told me she was pregnant, she has no idea about our problems and IUI stuff and I want to keep it that way. When we find out we're pregnant I don't plan on telling her till the 3 month mark and even then she can find out via other people. My only victory is she is having a boy and really wanted a girl (I want a girl so bad) and she is super big and had put on weight everywhere. I know I sound mean but I can't help it, it makes the hurt a little less there... sigh

 

[sandt2]

I know what you mean. The only way to cope with others "success" is to find relief in something not good for them once in a while.

I know it has taken me a long time to separate the variety of emotions - like sadness, jealousy, anger, and happiness - often they would all happen at the same time and i would be angry at even people who were reasonable. That being said someone being insensitive like your friend is totally unfair. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this too.

I wish you continued support from many of the people here!

 

[Jasmine79]

Thank you so much for your support.

Life isn't easy and I realize that everyone is dealing with something ttc, divorce, illness, etc. not fair all the way around - all we can do is keeping hoping day by day.

One description that I found online once helped explain the feelings we go through with ltttc. It was like ttc is like the loss of a loved one, although usually you go through the grief process and get closure, but with ttc it is like a monthly hope that you will get to see that loved one, one more time.

Thanks again

You have put it so well......

 

[MrsF]

i too have found sanctuary in this forum, although like many of us, we've seen people come and go (which is great news, please don't get me wrong!), and think when will it be my turn to move on!!!!

Funnily enough i was reading some posts earlier thinking crikey, i've been in here for ages!!! Surely i've outstayed my welcome, lol!!!!

I'm lucky to have some very supportive friends, one of whom has a baby, my beautiful godson. I'm lucky they allow me to be honest, to whinge, to cry, to be uberexicted about an upcoming appointment, to be a complete bitch when someone else falls pregnant (like you say Kelly, it's not that you actually mean it but it is a defence mechanism). It's really only been since oct that i've told more people (ie the blokes in our social circle, other female friends, etc) mainly becuase it helps me to cope with it. I even had one of the guys give me a hug when i said i was in a strop cos AF had arrived, bless him.

but i honestly think my frankness in my 'real' world has come from the confidence ladies have given me in here (past and present all included), that i am 'normal', i'm not 'alone' and quite frankly it does suck and i'm not gonna let other people's embarrassments make me hide how i feel, and who i am - they're the main things i've learnt from all you wonderful peeps x x x

so, to all you b'n'b-ers, thank you!!!!

ps - good grief, that was a heavy one!!!! x x x

 

[555ann555]

I've only been here a few days but I'm already finding more acceptance than I have from friends IRL.. And even though we've been TTC for 20 months we haven't told either of our families because we couldn't face their questions... That was bad enough when they wanted to know why we weren't married yet after 10 years! (was 12 1/2 before we got married)

 

[Sambatiki]

This section has been a GOD SEND to me!
But its so so so sad seeing so many lovely ladies go through such heartache!

The support has been amazing, a few of my RL friends know our story... but because we've been TTC sometime now I kind of feel like they must be getting fed up of the same old crap each time. I dont think people realise how much wanting and trying for babies takes over your life.

 

[Kelly9]

I so agree about feeling like people are sick of hearing me talk about it... when I start to feel that way I normally confide in someone else. I do have quite a few awesome supporters though but it still sucks... you know what I was just thinking would be awesome... if there was a way right from 1dpo to tell if the egg has at least been fertilized before it implants. That would be cool cause then you wouldn't have to wait those dreadful 2 weeks so find out and could move on with less obsession!

 

[sandt2]

You two are both right on. I don't want to sound like a broken record to anyone including my DH and myself - yes I even annoy myself. Even though I annoy myself I cannot stop the chatter in my head. It is great to get the chatter out in writing here, but again the chatter never ends.

Here's to wishing everyone less thoughts on ttc ............. because we are going to