Not a Mom - single gay man adoption.

[Intouch9]

So, I'm non a Mom but couldn't find a site for being Dad-tastic, so here I am.

I'm 24, single gay male, living in Dublin and for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a Dad. I'm fairly successful, climbing the corporate ladder (but trained as a teacher) and earning a pretty decent salary which is continually increasing.

I know that within the next 10 years or so, I'm going to want to have a baby at that stage, most likely alone and to be honest, I'm totally freaking out that it'll never be possible.

I know I'd make a great Dad and would be able to provide a really lovely, healthy and supportive home with the help of my siblings, parents and friends, but the main obstacle I have is... how the hell do I do it?

Does anybody have any advice or know of where I could go, how to even start off on this journey?

Thanks (and sorry If I'm not welcome here - just looking!)

 

[chelseav1213]

I don't have any advice but I did want to say that I'm sure you will do wonderfully and I respect you so much for wanting to be a daddy good luck!!

 

[mummyosborne]

Of course you are welcome here you're going to be a parent just like the rest of us! Im not sure about in Dublin, but in the UK you should start by contacting your local council, they normally have a page on their website about adoption, have a look at the criteria and see if you fit, and im sure you will, then you can contact them and get the ball rolling good luck, and just by coming on here and asking for help, shows great promise for you to be fantastic dad xxx

 

[whatwillbex]

Hiya, this may be of some help to you. There is an alternative parenting show in London September 2012. Type in alternative parenting into google and have a look. Hope this helps? Good luck, you can make anything happen if you want it bad enough! x

 

[iBeach]

Hello and welcome;-))

Would you consider co-parenting? or you definitely want to be single parent.

I am currently trying to conceive with a gay male couple. We are gonna co-parent together if we get pregnant....

Good luck to you

 

[kassiaethne]

hi ^_^ and welcome of course


I have been looking into adoption for my second child (or my first at this point) and one big obstacle you'll have is being male. Many cultures don't trust men. Japanese don't even understand adoption that much on why would you want to raise another persons child period and only people who want to molest children would want to adopt (my husbands family is japanese and he told me that is the usual view on adoption in japan)

So you'll probably not find many japanese that would be willing to adopt to youu. also maybe not the catholic countries don't really agree with the concept of gay people so you'll probably not be able to adopt from any of those countries (Brazil lets you adopt for free but you have to stay in the country for a month, I hear soon it will be a year, but they are the second largest catholic nation in the world so meh)

You're best bet would be probably adopting from Russia, Africa, or within the USA. (don't know about other asian countries so didn't say china even though china seems to be all about adopting their children out so maybe them too)

You you're biggest obstacle won't just being male but a single male. Maybe as a couple people would be more willing to be open to adopting to a man but to be honest you'll have a large stigma just being a single man. Everyone is very guarded against pedophiles and it is a large problem with adoptions to men. I'm not saying all men who adopt are and I'm not saying you are. But be prepared for that judgement and having to fight against it throughout the whole process and after.

a good forum for adoption I also joined to get more information overall is called https://forums.adoption.com/

But they don't post that often in the topics that I am curious about (I will be adopting from brazil because I usually live there and they give preference to brazilians before foreigners so I can get my baby sooner) but I do read the posts of kids grown who have been adopted and parents struggles and thoughts on adoption because it is good to be fully informed on what you plan on getting into.

Maybe something you can also look into doing is fostering children at first. might give adoption places a better 'resume' if you have a good track record with children. again not saying you are in it for anything but having a child to love, but being a single male WILL be a mark against you that you will have to find ways to prove yourself past.


sorry this post got so long lol. I hope you do get the chance to adopt because every child needs someone to love them no matter what the parents gender, sexual orientation, or marital status. They just need love and stability and if that is what you can give them then a child would be lucky to have you as a father

^_^

 

[SLCMommy]

Here in the states, some agencies allow single men and women to adopt However, the only downfall to that is that you will be "competing" for the birth mothers against same-sex couples and heterosexual couples, with the majority of babies being placed by birth-mother choice with heterosexual couples, but same-sex couples do get children as well.

I'm not sure the laws of your land are, but, if your laws allow same-sex couples to adopt, I would hold off on that dream for now. You are only 24, so even if you gave yourself until you were 30 to find someone and marry, that probably is your best interest. I only say that because same-sex couples get places with a child much quicker and more often than single men and single woman. Usually, the birth mother wants to place her child into a family with two parents. If however, love doesn't come your way by the time you are 30, than I'd say go for adoption if you can!

For international adoptions, I'm not exactly sure how they work. However, I know places like China have very, very ridged stipulations and I don't think they would allow a single male to adopt, so I just think overall your best bet is to adopt domestically. However, if the laws of your land prohibit same-sex couples/single parents from adopting than you will come across some bumps in your progress.

This question is probably best directed at an adoption agency in your city since they know the laws for your area! Good Luck!