not allowed a c section :(

[hannah berry]

Hi everyone can someone please help me. for my first baby i had an emergency c section due to being in labor for 2 whole days after my water broke and my cervix wasn't dilating they wouldn't even give me anything for the contractions. This time i have thought really hard about it and decided for myself that i would like an elective c section due to personal preference. i have no family here and my husband is military. Im so stressed out that i will be all alone if my husband gets deployed and i have a little girl and no one will be able to take her plus i really need to prepare for a c section anyway if the natural way fails and it would just kill me if i failed. it seems like im being shut down and that i have to choose what everyone else wants. so basically what i was told is that they going to leave me to go into labor all on my own! none of that you must give birth before 39 weeks stuff with my first i went to nearly 42 weeks and they didn't seem to care. Am i in my rights to demand a c section? i would really love to go natural if i knew i had all the support and it would work but i'm facing a mental health crises of depression and i can't sleep or eat i wake up in panic attacks because my husband is already away for 3 months and comes back in august then oct he might be deployed to Africa for 6 months. my family live halfway around the world. i didn't know doctors were allowed to force me to carry to 42 weeks after a c section. people keep telling me its better its better for baby and its better for me and i know that!! but for me with everything going on i'm whiling to go through the hell of a c section just to feel mentally secure because i know what to expect and how to cope. after all i went through a c section with the first and husband got deployed for 6 months straight after all that sudden change killed me i nearly lost it so many times and I'm a shamed to say that because of all this sudden change coming up i feel like i don't want to have a baby anymore i feel out of control and anxious. I need a c section and a date so that my husband can demand for leave to help me out without a date he can't do anything and they can ask him what ever they want him to do. He had to come back last weekend because i went through a mental break down i locked myself in the bathroom and refused to eat or sleep or do anything i just lost the will power to function or live and i don't need the hospital putting or leaving all this stress on my shoulders.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Really sorry honey
I would have thought after your last labour ending in an energency c section you'd be allowed one.
I am not sure how it is in France, but can you get a second opinion? I wouldn't just accept this if it's causing so much upset-you should be able to relax and feel listened to

 

[DocMcStuffins]

I'm not sure how it works in France, but here in the UK once you've had one c section for whatever reason you are automatically entitled to request a repeat c section and they cannot refuse you.

I also had an emergency c section first time after labouring for nearly 4 days after my waters had broken. Second time around I knew I would be heartbroken to go through the same thing again and for me I felt happier having a date set for an elective.

Nobody once questioned me or tried to persuade me otherwise. I was sent for a consultant appointment which is routine and so they can make sure I know my options and of the risks involved in either a vbac or a repeat c section.

My consultant was more than happy with my choice.

This time around I am again opting for another c section and again nobody has questioned my decision.

I had been told both times that if I chose to attempt a vbac that I would only be allowed to go up to 40 weeks as an absolute maximum, ideally 39 weeks. They would not induce me if hadn't gone into natural labour by then but would instead take me in for a c section.

Have you seen a consultant or is it a midwife telling you this?

Like I said I don't know how the rules in France differ but if it's anything like here then yes you certainly can demand a c section.

X

 

[Kittycat155]

I know the hospitals push the water breaks/baby has to come after certain point but really water breaking does not mean baby HAS to come within 24-48 hours. Reducing the chance of infection is the major thing-NO cervix checks as you have bacteria on outside of vagina that should not be going inside once the waters have broken. And dilated does not really mean all that much as some dilate very early so not much to be gained. No sex either once they have broken.

 

[hannah berry]

i was told by my gynecologist theres no point asking the midwife as she has to go through my gynecologist and this is the only birthing clinic in my town. i don't like how they are leaving me with no birthing plan and they seem to just want to wait it out but i can't afford too wait to long or i will find myself in horrible situations where i will have no support or anything around to help me cope. At lest if i could control the situation a bit more it would help me a great deal. should i try each appointment to bring it back up or will i just keep getting shut down? i have no idea what my rights are here. if i talk to anyone about a c section they all tell me its so bad like the only way here is natural, natural meds natural everything its driving me crazy

 

[Kittycat155]

I assume you are not originally from france if no family lives there? If that is the case have you had any OB or GYN care in any other country? Could you travel further to another place?

 

[Enasy]

I don't know how it works in france but here in the uk, they will always try and push you to a natural birth if its not an emergency c section. I however have tocophobia (fear of child birth) and have been under a mental health team for the past 18 years. I had a letter advising a c section from my shrink and personally demanded a c section and they still tried to push me into a natural birth. I stuck to my guns and got my therapist to speak to the doctors at the hospital and a 2nd letter from my shrink and my pregnancy notes now say my birth plan is c section at 39 weeks. stick to your guns and demand it if that is definitely the birth you want

 

[Gnomer]

I'm currently in a similar situation. Being persuaded towards vbac but waiting to see a consultant. I'm not certain of the laws in France, but my midwife informed me if I did choose to vbac, it would be a normal birth up until the point where I needed an induction. So, they'd let me go to the normal 41 weeks, then book a section (unless I go naturally before I get there). It's common here to be allowed to go over to around 42 weeks. I had my son at 41+3, and didn't have an induction date.

However, we are allowed to demand an elective if we have previously had one. They just push a LOT for vbac if it's safe and possible.

 

[RcdM]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. It is hard when you don't have a regular support system around you, but hopefully you can at least find some support here!

I'm in the US and you can opt for an elective c-section if you already had one. My Dr was kind of telling me I should try VBAC but I told her that I'd like to just go with the c-section again, for reasons similar to what you stated around this being the one thing you can control. I had a traumatic experience, developed sudden severe preeclampsia and had to have my daughter at 30 weeks. So far everything is fine with this pregnancy but I'd rather just have the c-section because with all the craziness last time, this is the one thing I already know what to expect and want to at least have one thing that I feel comfortable with.

I know you said this is the only office in your town. Can you call out of town and see what their policy is? Not sure how far that would be but at least you can get an idea if this is just your hospital/drs doing this or if you'd encounter the same thing elsewhere. Then if they allowed you to do c-section, it might be worth the drive to help you mentally and emotionally. Good luck. I'm sure it will all work out for you in the end.

 

[hannah berry]

Thank you all. the only other place i can give birth is half way around the world and husband can't be there at all plus my daughter goes to a nanny who we hired for a year because of mental illness. here you have to be registered with a doctor which means an hour and half drive for cheek ups if i try go else where and they normally all have the same points that natural is better. its hard to explain the type of person i am. i suffer a lot with depression and anxiety due to a lot of abuse as a child so trust for me is a huge thing. If i can have this c section and know my baby will be born in a controlled safe environment where i am mentally prepared it will be better to cope with. i can't handle situations where I'm put out suddenly and unexpectedly i panic and have a mental break down so bad that i don't think straight. with my first i was so unprepared and traumatized this time i need to be on top of everything for my children's safety and my own. i don't want to mention mental health to my doctor because i'm scared he will look at me like i'm a nut case and take my children away. i know thats stupid to think that but who knows i love my little girl to death and i have had bad moments because of her traumatic birth but it doesn't make me a bad parent. i think that we will try and push for a c section just as mentioned above i want to love my baby this time around not feel alienated

 

[Peanut78]

My friend had an EMCS (in South Africa) with her first and was not allowed to have an elective c-section after (in France). She ended up with one eventually as her baby was breech in the end.

 

[Holly82]

I think the best thing is just be honest with your dr and mw about how you are feeling. If they know how much all this is affecting you, then they should help. Xxx

 

[Gnomer]

You need to be completely honest. If it isn't the policy in France to offer elective, then you need to tell them why they should offer you one. Unless they believe there is genuine reason to put you under the knife again, they won't if it isn't what they do. And you have to respect that countries policies, even if you don't agree.
However, I have no doubt that if you tell them what you told us, they WILL see you have a good reason for elective

 

[hannah berry]

Thanks everyone yes i was told that you are allowed a c section they can't refuse you but they can how ever ignore you till the last min. Husband says thats common in France that the country don't really openly make it a concern that citizens know their rights. when you come from a country where they make it obvious about your rights and such its very hard to move to a country that's not so much focused on it you have to do your own research. The doctor is allowed to tell me his own personal preference but if i really don't want to go vbac he can't force me because i have to sign a contract. if anything goes wrong its not their fault and well it wont work if they force me down that path when i previously refused and if something does go wrong i can hold them to that. my friend who lives down the road didn't know she was allowed a scheduled c section they pushed her for a vbac and she ended up in a c section anyway and is totally traumatized from it. her baby ended up with her cord around her neck twice and went into stress so she got another c section.