Not coping as well as I thought??

[charby]

Hi ladies.

I thought i was coping really well with my m/c on 14/12/10, we've already started ttc again and I felt like I had really dealt well with it. Then my friend text me this morning to say she had given birth to her baby overnight and it's hit me really hard. When I got the text all I could think was "I'll never get to send that for my bean!!"

This particular friend was pregnant at the exact same time as me with our first babies and we went through our whole first pregnancies together and gave birth to our babies just 2 weeks apart so maybe that's why it's so hard to deal with it.

I feel like I should be rushing round there to see her and the baby but to be honest it's the last thing I want to do and I feel awful about that because she's a really close friend of mine.

Just needed to get that out, it's not the sort of thing I feel like I can admit to anyone else apart from you ladies but I'm hoping you'll understand where I'm coming from.

 

[babysimpson]

I have felt exactly the same people I know. One in particular is the daughter of my OH's sister. Her mum died and OH's sister has been playing the mother figure. This girl got knocked up, not in relationship with the father (don't know if she knows who the father is), and throughout pregnancy didn't really care about the baby's future just her own. There was a fire engine attending the block of flats where she stays and instead of worrying about the new cot etc that my OH's sister help pay for, she was more worried about the £20 curtains she had just bought from her benefit money!! When she had the child she spent a week at my OH's sister getting ehr to help with the newborn etc as she didn't have a clue (fair enough) but she moved back to her place for only a couple of days then called up asking if OH's sister could take the baby for the night as she wanted to go to a party with her pals. This was on Xmas day after we had all been drinking so the request was refused. Instead she went to her step dad who had been drinking all day and got him to look after the baby. I know that parents need time to themselves but this girl just sees her baby as a hindrance and dumps it off with whoever will take him. That really got to me.

You will always feel crap when it is someone close to you (or in that case someone who really didn't want it) and I think it will only stop when we have our own baby to treasure. Don't be too hard on yourself

 

[tweedy]

Hey Charby

seeing babies for the 1st time after your mc is really hard, but i'm sure your friend is feeling really bad for you too and although she doesn't want to upset you by telling her news, she won't want to leave you out either.

if you explain to her that you are very happy for her and her new baby, but just don't feel quiet ready to call in yet, i'm sure she will understand. when you do feel ready, ask her to clear the house of other visitors, and you can work through it together.

one small tip, don't let your OH hold the baby if he goes with you, i was very strong a few weeks after my 2nd MC with a friends baby until they handed him to OH, i just burst into tears at the thought of him losing his chance to be a father, but 13 months on it was our turn, with our dd, so don't let it get you too down.

thinking of you

T xx

 

[croydongirl]

It is such a difficult time. I think we can all put ourselves in your situation.
It is so hard to keep being happy for everyone else when we are so heartbroken for ourselves. Grieving a pregnancy is a very strange thing because often you haven't told others you are pregnant so its very lonely.

I found it really helpful in December when my local church held a service on the shortest day of the year (the longest night) It was a service to remember those we had lost, and the sadness that sometimes come in the holiday season. When you lose a pregnancy early, we don't get to have a funeral, or a place or time to set aside to say goodbye. It felt so good to grieve and after that time, I felt able to move on, not guilty and not overwhelmed with loss.

I hope we can all move forward and find joy again.

Praying for all of us to have happy and healthy pregnancies soon.