Not coping with the news

[lionheartnz]

Im sure Im just feeling this way cos Im still processing it all but it all sucks so much.

My partner was great when we at the hospital, being carring and supportive. He admited that he was not to worried about losing our baby and just wanted me to be ok. I could deal with that. He then went on to say that in a few months when I was healed we could start trying again.

Now two days later he told me that he doesnt want to try again for a few years. That he first has to decide what he wants as he now has the chance to not have a partner or baby to worry about and to just go travelling and play around. How can he change his mind like this, after being the first one to tell people, and the first one to make plans?? he got me all excited about it all, I was trying to not get to excited untill I was showing. But I did and now I might be all alone.

I feel like im being unfair to him, he was making plans and has experienced loss too.

How do I deal with the fact that guys and girls cope differently?

 

[pinkmac85]

So sorry for your loss!! I know how hard it is to cope with a loss like this. It took me awhile to 'get over it' (as I never really have but everyone just kept saying you will get over it). I don't think I truly ever will forget about it but I found that keeping very busy during the first few months of coping helped me the best. I worked a lot of extra hours, did a lot of extra activities. I just found it easier for me to keep busy and not talk about it then it was to let it all out..and maybe that was the problem. OH was very verbal about it and it didn't take him as long to begin to let go of what happened. Unfortunately men and women cope so differently and sometimes it takes each other longer.
I can't say there are certain ways to deal with the fact that others cope faster then some, it just takes others a big longer

 

[Wishfull]

Babe i know exactly the hurt an the pain your going through as do alot of women on this site. You will be feeling so so down an all you want is to be held an told that everything will be ok. At least you want to be held an for you OH to say hes gonnae love you an be with you forever. Not that hes going to run away. Thats not very nice of him. But guys do act differently.
Me unfortunalty my partner was ever so cruel to me after i lost the baby. And we are no longer together. I needed love and comfort and wanted to be there for my partner too. But he pushed me away an basically told me that the baby was the worst thing to ever happen. But i wont go on to my problems. Though i am alone now with out my partner i going through the grieving process alone is so so hard. I hope you have a good support work there for you though?
I do hope you an your OH can work it out. The women on this site will help you as much as they can with advice they've all been so great with me.
Take care sweetie over the next few days. Do what ever feels right for you.
xxxxxxx

 

[lionheartnz]

Thank you both for your replies.
Wishfull Im sorry to hear about your situation, that must have been so hard.
I am really glad that I found this site, Im normally just a lurker but felt like I needed to talk so did.
Unfortunatly I moved away from my family to be with my partner so they are all a 3 day drive away which is hard, but move back in Dec which will be good.

 

[Rumpskin]

My OH was exactly the same darling when I miscarried the first time. He said we could try again then said that he did not want anymore (he already has 3 children). The thing I found out recently is that he had already gone through 4 or 5 miscarriages with his ex wife.

Try talking to him again but give him time. I guess he is grieving too.