Not mentally ready for work tomorrow

[Bella12]

I'm dreading tomorrow. I don't feel emotionally ready and what makes it worse is I'm mean today. I'm finding it hard to stop myself before snapping at my husband and puppy. I'm so easily frustrated. Then I fall apart and cry. Just can't behave this way at work. I'm praying I can pull myself together.

 

[phoenix1989]

Hi hun, just come online and seen no ones replied yet?

How are you feeling now you've woken up? I'm sure work will understand if you call them. Or if you just tell them you don't feel ready but want to go in they might give you some extra support, going outside if you need time to yourself.

Sorry i couldn't help much hun just didn't want to leave you while your struggling.

Hugs xx

 

[Nina83]

I'm sorry Hun
How long has it been since your loss? Do some people at work know who could help you get through the day?
Take another day off, or as long as you need, or if you go and feel the need to- leave early.
Being snappy and moody is so understandable. I do suggest you and your husband go out for a date night. You need each other

 

[Bella12]

I found out Wednesday and took off half of last week. I'm still bleeding and moody. Nobody know why I was out with exception of my boss. I hate that I start my days and end my days with tears. Today, I'm trying to hold the tears in, at least till I get through my day. I'm a teacher, so as for taking moments to myself, that will not happen. Children are needy. Maybe next weekend I will try a date night.

Thanks for your support ladies. I hope the kids go easy on me. (4th graders)

 

[phoenix1989]

Fingers crossed they go easy on you too. It's when they are in high school they don't lol. At least someone knows so they can keep an eye out. Good luck today. Let us know how it goes xx

 

[klsltsp]

Hey Hun

Hope you're doing okay, I am at work today too, after my second dose of miso last night... nothing really happened so I'm hoping that means that it's actually all done...

I am actually finding work to be a good distraction, although I don't have to deal with kids but maybe they'll distract you enough that you'll be able to get through the day.

Good luck.

Kim

 

[Obsessing]

Make sure that you take the time you need to grieve! I am a teacher as well and know that if your not there mentally you might as well be home! But, if you find work to be a good distraction, get through the day as best you can and then take the evening to yourself! Don't be hard on yourself about being snappy either! I was the same way to my husband and pup but my husband was amazing and took it like a champ understanding that it wasn't me talking-it was the pain and my pup would just crawl on my lap and let me hug him while I cried. There is no right or wrong way to deal with a miscarriage! You do what you need to do and don't worry about anything else!!! Xx let us know how you made out today! Thinking of you!

 

[Bella12]

My students smothered me today. Yes, younger ones will cover you in hugs (well at least the girls). The one nosy teacher was NOSY. I wanted her to just go away. She kept saying you never miss work, especially professional development. Are you ok? Are you sure? You look terrible. (I am not usually the violent type, but I think I mentally knocked her out.)

Usually at work, I am cheerful and I greet everyone. So many people wanted to know what is wrong with me. It is hard to be cheerful on the outside when you are crying on the inside. I understand I should be moving on, but I guess 5 days is not long enough for me. I think the passing of gross stuff this weekend was really the kicker to my mood. I really thought I was done Thursday, when I passed clots and had heavy bleed. I did not know what I was supposed to be looking for or passing until after it came. When it passed, the wounds felt like day one again.

I tried to keep my head in the game, but definitely did not do the best job. I hope the students didn’t notice. I’m better than a sub, but did not do nearly the job I could have or should have. I’m feeling down on myself and not cutting myself a break. I know I will get over this but today just wasn’t my day. AND I feel down. I’m really just venting. I’m hoping if I type how I feel, maybe some of the emotions will lesson. I’m strong so I will get through this, but today has been a challenge and the nonstop rain doesn’t help.

 

[klsltsp]

Bella don't be so hard on yourself, you've been through a lot and there is no right or wrong way to deal with this, just like there is no set period of time before you are ready to move forward.

You did an amazing job getting to work today!! good job! and screw the nosy colleague.. sorry about the language it's none of their/her business. You will be back to being the amazing teacher that you are normally give yourself time!!

Take care of yourself!

 

[Bella12]

Thanks Kim! It was just one of those days. I think it was just too many people asking me about why I was absent. I dislike it when they remind me that I'm never absent so it must be something bigger than being sick.

I know each day I will get a little stronger. I just wanted this baby so badly. I'm just so afraid of the possibility maybe I can't have children. I know one mc does not mean that, but the thought plagues my mind.

I have to be strong for my students. I work in an area where many students are homeless, parents incarcerated, students get breakfast, lunch and in some circumstances dinner at school. They need me to be strong. In sll there struggling, they bring me cards and flowers and little presents daily. So I'm blessed with sweet students.

Thanks for your message. Today defeated me, but maymaybe tomorrow I'll find the inner strength I need to be the person I was last week.

 

[Topanga053]

Bella, I'm so sorry you had a rough day. We all handle things differently, but I actually found it comforting to tell my co-workers what happened. It meant I never had to deal with any nosy people asking what was wrong. If I was quiet or seemed depressed, they automatically understood. It was nice to have some empathy and not have to deal with a lot of questions. Just something to consider.

I know each day I will get a little stronger. I just wanted this baby so badly. I'm just so afraid of the possibility maybe I can't have children. I know one mc does not mean that, but the thought plagues my mind.

You absolutely will get stronger, but this time is hell. Losing a baby, especially one you desperately wanted, is undoubtedly one of the most painful experiences a woman can endure. It's awful and no one should have to go through that.

Like you, I was terrified after my MC that I couldn't have kids. I knew intellectually that there was no reason to think that way, but emotionally, I became convinced we would never get pregnant again and I became severely depressed. I had just started pulling out of the depression with the help of a wonderful therapist and some anti-depressants when we learned that we were pregnant again. I am 22 weeks today and everything seems to be going well. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and those fears are all completely natural, but I promis that one day soon they will feel like a bad nightmare.

All the best to you as you continue to heal and try again.

 

[Bella12]

Thank you Topanga053,

Thank you for your story. While reading your response I did cry. It also made me feel better to know that others have experienced the same pain. I’m trying hard not get caught in a downward spiral. Tomorrow, I will find out if I have passed everything. Hopefully, I will not need a D&C. I also can’t wait for the bleeding to stop as it is a reminder of this terrible experience. I believe those will be my first steps to feeling a little better. As for the fear I am feeling, I don’t know when that will go away. I think I got too excited about bringing a child into the world. I bought things to help me with pregnancy early, so I would have them when I needed them. Now I am boxing those items away.

On a happier note, I am so happy to hear you are 22 weeks pregnant and wish you all the best! How long did you wait before ttc?