not sure how to act

[nada87]

my husbands cousin had her son at 24 weeks 3 weeks ago. she will be at easter dinner i was just wondering if there was anything i should not talk about with her. so far her little man is doing ok, he's off the respirator and on cpap(?) and he's had a level 1 brain bleed. (i have no idea what this stuff means for him longterm) i will be 24 weeks pg at this time so will it be awkward for her if i talk about my pregnancy? i kinda feel guilty that she's had all this stuff to worry about and my pg is normal. i was going to email around ultrasound pics of our baby but then she had jake premature so i didn't becuz i wasn't sure if he was ok but now that he's doing better i want to be happy about my baby again but i don't want to make her feel bad. does anyone have any advice? thanks, sorry if this sounds weird tho

 

[AP]

I dont know if this is a general thing for preemie mums, but I found other pregnancies pretty fasinating for a while. I hadnt had a full term pregnancy and to see someone else close go through it, well, I was intrigued, now that my pregnancy was cut short!

A grade 1 bleed is the smallest bleed and there isnt normally a great deal of worry about it, but a worry nevertheless.( The grades go from 1-4, 4 being the most severe (my LO has Grade 4)) I would say be as you would normally - I dont personally feel anything you could say would upset her,(but maybe the other girls would tell you differently) take a good interest in her LO. Not only are you showing consideration but you'll learn a lot of things most mums would never know about!

But dont tip toe round her!! Just be, you!

Be optimistic too - her LO sounds like hes doing amazingly well!

Bless you for being so considerate! Im sure the other girls here will ave some advice, maybe different, so stick around!

 

[TwoBumps]

Hiya, i would agree with SB22 and I think its great that you are actually thinking so much about her feelings! The only think I would say is that when my boys were in SCBU I hated people making comments such as "you're lucky they are in SCBU because ....they will be in a routine.... you don't have to do night feeds....you have plenty of time to rest and recover etc etc" so I'd avoid them no matter how well meant they are!!

 

[Anna Barry]

Yes i agree with twobumps!!! I have had a 25 weeker and to be told your lucky is very annoying, also the At least you didn't get fat comment doesn't help!!! I also agree to just be yourself and show interest in her little one. I loved hearing about success stories and anything positive, and liked it if people told me how lovely Neave was, i was very concious when people didn't say anything and it worried me. xx

 

[AP]

oooh those are things i forgot!

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

I agree with everything said.

Just be yourself! involve her in your pregnancy cos she'll pick up on it if you avoid it!

The one thing that bugged me was "Ohh, he's so small!" It was kinda like "Yeah, state the obvious!"

Also the whole "Ohh, well at least you have 'free childcare' whilst he's in hospital"

But yeah, just be you!

 

[Foogirl]

I think the only thing I would avoid is complaining about being pregnant. Other than that, I'd just be as you usually are with her and - here's a thought - why not ask her how she feels about the situation? You can't possibly upset her by doing that. Ask her if she would like to see your scans etc.

Like SB22 I am fascinated by anyone who went further than me. A friend is currently about to pop any day now and she keeps asking me stuff. Sometimes I just have to say "errr, I dunno, I never got that far!!" But I'm so curious about how it feels to carry a full term baby I keep asking her the stupidest of questions!

And don't be afraid to ask her questions about her wee boy - she will be dying to talk about it I'm sure.

As others have said, avoid using the word "lucky" and just be a wee bit careful if you are trying to make her feel better by pointing out the positives. We're a funny bunch. We'll happily talk amongst ourselves about the "up" sides of having a premature baby, but we really don't like others doing it!

 

[premmiemum123]

Agree with everything that has been said above. Definitely ask her about her little one as I loved talking about Emily even on the bad days.