Not sure I can take this anymore...

[kriola]

I am 37 (almost 38!!) and have an almost seventeen yo DD and a 10 y.o. DS. Both of them were unplanned ( I wouldn't change a thing) from a previous relationship. I just got married August 1st to my current DH and had a MC August 25 of this year. My DH is the love of my life and I haven't been this happy in a relationship in my life.

The only thing now is that we have been TTC after the MC and nothing is happening. I know I should be just grateful that I at least have two children but I would really love to have a child with my husband.

My 2nd round of Clomid resulted in 4 follicles. I almost felt sure that this would be the month. My day 21 progesterone was 167! I knew for sure that at least one of them would result in a BFP. But nothing, AF started yesterday.

I told my Gyno last month that if nothing happened this month that I wanted a referral to an RE so that I can have a complete battery of tests to see why nothing is happening but in the back of my mind I was still hoping I wouldn't have to.

I was lucky enough to get an appointment and see the RE today and had a sonogram and BW done. I have to go back next Monday for cultures and next Friday for an HSG. I am very sure that I probably have blocked tubes. What else can it be? (I had FSH and it was completely normal).

This is what I have been struggling with all day... I have children and my husband has children from a previous relationship that ended almost as badly as mine. We truly love each other and enjoy spending time with each other. What if we just stopped TTC and just enjoyed the rest of our lives together traveling, etc???

The only thing that is stopping me from accepting that reality are the nagging thoughts that I just WANT to have a child with my husband... I feel like a failure... I feel like maybe I have been too lucky just to find a great life partner and I shouldn't ask for any more than this...I feel broken...I want to have a baby with my husband...What if doesn't want to be married anymore because I can't give him a child ( he says it's not true, but...)... Why could I get pregnant when I really didn't want to and now that I do .... NOTHING!!!


I can't stand the whole TTC process. I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't know if I can keep being reminded of my failure EVERY month.

I'm sorry for being so negative.

How do people keep TTC for as long as I've seen some people do? I hope that I feel differently tomorrow, next week or next month sometime but right now I don't think I will.

How do you guys keep going month after month????

 

[TaeBoMama]

kriola,

I'm sorry for your loss. Good for you for being proactive and searching out answers with the doctors. I don't know if you have any fertility issues, but the fact that you conceived recently is a very good sign. I think if we tell ourselves that it may take a long time, but that it is very likely that it will happen, we can get through the BFNs. The fact is that for most of us, conceiving past 35 can be difficult...because we have to experience a lot of disappointment. But chances are good that we will get that desired little one! One thing that is positive in all of this is that at least the the baby-making process is fun. I actually love that hubby and I are working together on such an important task. Of course...it's been long enough and I'm ready to get that BFP already!

Don't feel like a failure. You're on your way to your goal. I know it's hard to have patience. But try to enjoy the trip...even before you get to your destination. You will get there!

 

[Redclaire]

This is our 7th month ttc my first and his 5 child. I'm just 36, all tests normal, very cheesed off at times!!
we have an appt with a specialist 19th jan so just trying unyil then. I feel like a failure too at times cos i love my new partner so much but in my heart i know well he has 4 beautiful grown up kids. My ex hubby was a git with a non existant sperm count but i had to have all the tests when i was with him, 5 years ago. So hard now to go thru the same again when we are so happy and this would be the cherry on top!
Feel so worn out by the whole process./..the endless waiting! blaaahhh!!
But on the good side...plenty of older girls get pregnant!!!
so we keep going, and we share our hopes, dreams and disappointments here where we can bitch and moan to our hearts content!
love this site, all you girls are an amazing support!
cheers xx

 

[kriola]

Thank you guys so much for your words. Yesterday was especially bad but today was much better.
RE office called with som results : Estaradiol was 42 and FSH 4. I haven't had a chance to do my usual obsessive internet research but the nurse sounded very optomistic.

Just some weird FYI but it may actually lead to something, I am currently recieving treatment for H Pylori/Peptic ulcer with antibiotics. My doctor plans to test for Systemic Candida and Celiac's Disease due to abdominal/stomach pains I've been having with bad GERD. In researching both conditions I found several articles that site infertility with both diseases! They are also very closely related to PCOS (may even be cause of it!) which I also have.

I was married in August. For about 2 months prior I lost about 30 pounds and was feeling better than I had in years. My diet was completely controlled and stayed away from most carbs and gluten, soda, etc.... And got pregnant! It may ust be a coincidence that I had been following a diet that is exactly the treatment recommended for both conditions. The pregnancy resulted in a MC but I had also gone back to some poor eating habits ( You wouldn't believe how good my wedding cake was!) and my progesterone was low. I don't know . But I think I'm going to taket his time to get myself completely healthy.

Has anyone ever heard of these conditions affecting fertility?

 

[MrsRH]

Thank you guys so much for your words. Yesterday was especially bad but today was much better.
RE office called with som results : Estaradiol was 42 and FSH 4. I haven't had a chance to do my usual obsessive internet research but the nurse sounded very optomistic.

Just some weird FYI but it may actually lead to something, I am currently recieving treatment for H Pylori/Peptic ulcer with antibiotics. My doctor plans to test for Systemic Candida and Celiac's Disease due to abdominal/stomach pains I've been having with bad GERD. In researching both conditions I found several articles that site infertility with both diseases! They are also very closely related to PCOS (may even be cause of it!) which I also have.

I was married in August. For about 2 months prior I lost about 30 pounds and was feeling better than I had in years. My diet was completely controlled and stayed away from most carbs and gluten, soda, etc.... And got pregnant! It may ust be a coincidence that I had been following a diet that is exactly the treatment recommended for both conditions. The pregnancy resulted in a MC but I had also gone back to some poor eating habits ( You wouldn't believe how good my wedding cake was!) and my progesterone was low. I don't know . But I think I'm going to taket his time to get myself completely healthy.

Has anyone ever heard of these conditions affecting fertility?

there is no link between H.pylori/GORD and infertility
systemic candida is not really recognised in the UK

coeliac is an autoimmune condition and primary ovarian failure is also auto immune so that's linked but if your FSH is normal the primary ovarian failure is excluded

Is PCOS is liklely to be the main reason you are not conceiving??? PCOS also increases the risk of miscarriage due to hormonal imbalances.

lots of luck and
xxx

 

[seoj]

I'm sorry for you loss hun... I can't imagine how frustrating this all is. But all you can do is have hope. It's the only part we have real control of- short of doing the OPKs, timing it right, using pre-seed, vitamins etc... I know it's hard, trust me, I know... I think most woman on this forum understand that. But if you start focusing on the negative, it's gonna make you crazy. Of course, allow yourself the time you need to morn, or allow that negative energy to come out (don't hold it in)-- we all need that outlet from time to time... I had a mini meltdown just last night after being SO sure this was IT!

But know, somewhere inside, this WILL happen... and in the end, after all the wondering and waiting and trying... it will ALL be worth it

Not sure any of that helps... but it keeps me going. Best of luck and lots of baby dust!!!

 

[wantingagirl]

Ah hun know what your going through I have good days and bad. 14 cycles so far but guess need to keep my chin up i guess. FX xx

 

[kriola]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while to reply, had to take a bit of a break from the whole baby thing. I am now nervously getting ready for my HSG tomorrow. I guess we"ll know more about why nothing's happened yet.

 

[seoj]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I'm sorry I haven't been on in a while to reply, had to take a bit of a break from the whole baby thing. I am now nervously getting ready for my HSG tomorrow. I guess we"ll know more about why nothing's happened yet.

Best of luck sweetie~ Hoping that if something was blocked this clears it out and you get your BFP soon!!!!!

 

[kriola]

So I had my HSG done today and both tubes are blocked. The RE wants me to go to another hospital to have it done again and be able to open things if they can. It looks like IVF if we want to conceive. Already checked with insurance and it is covered. Just don't know what I want to do.

 

[ciarhwyfar]

Sorry to hear that but at least insurance covers it if you decide to go that route.

Don't give up hope. They still might get the tubes open as well.

Good luck, honey.

 

[24/7]

Hi OP, just thought I'd pop in as I see your are being tested for coeliac disease. I have coeliac and was very poorly for a long time, but after a year of being on the strict diet, I started to ovulate, and we then decided to TTC, six weeks later we got a BFP. xx