Not sure I really belong here..

[teenpregnant]

So I don't really feel I have the right to be posting here. A little bit about me, I have type 1 diabetes which has been tightly controlled in pregnancy, my pregnancy was perfect until 34 weeks when my insulin requirements started to drop which indicated to the doctors the placenta wasn't working properly, I went in for my regular appointment a few weeks later and they were not happy and decided to get her out via c section the next day.

I was 36+5 and they said they would need to monitor her blood sugars but other than that she would be fully developed and everything would be fine (I was nervous as I wasn't quite 37 about her lungs) but as they said it was fine I prepared myself and got all excited to meet my baby the next day!

I had her the next day at 10.21am weighing 6lbs3ozs, she cried right away and to me she sounded perfect however they took her round the table and didn't bring her back to me the longer time went by the more I worried, they said it was her breathing was a bit delayed they would take her to special care and bring her back round when I got back to my bad... I thought ok that's not gone perfectly but i will have her soon enough.

I then got back to the bed and they returned without her, told me she was struggling to breath and was having a little bit of help which could take up to 48 hours, I was so upset I couldn't even get round to her because of the c section. Once I could walk I got up and went round to see her she was in an incubator and They basically said the same as they said before that she needed a little help from the shock of the c section. The next day I went down and they said she was very poorly and may need to be moved to intensive care. They did a chest X-ray and said her lung look premature and aren't working properly I said I wasn't far off of term would those two days really make that much difference they said due to my diabetes there lung do not mature as quickly... Great so it's my fault she is in here and she is poorly! I wish they hadn't said that to me, most people blame themselves but they blame me to

She is still in now and they think she will be for a few more weeks which I am thankful it isn't longer but it does seem horrible since I though she would be home with me today. I feel so overwhelmed.

I don't really know why I posted I guess I needed to write it all out and get it sorry if I have posted in the wrong place let me know and I will delete my post!

 

[kirstybumx3]

Aww Hun it is a very difficult time when your little one isn't with you.
Don't blame yourself. My sister is type 1 and she also blames herself for a lot of things but it is NOT your fault that your pancreas doesn't work. Please don't beat yourself up.
I hope your LO is well soon xx

 

[BearFamily]

they were your health carer; it was their job to look after you and your baby.

 

[Cheska]

You're in the right place!

Must have been a shock so close to your due date to have a few problems. She's in the best place and will be home before you know it. Stay strong x

 

[sethsmummy]

aww hun please dont beat yourself up! It's not your fault.. its actually theirs by the sound of it. You asked about her lungs and they said it would be fine... if they knew diabetes slows the development of the lungs they should have given you the steroid injections to help mature her lungs when they first realised you'd need to be delivered early xx

 

[AP]

none of this is your fault hun, they should have known better. And of course you are welcome to post in here

 

[BearFamily]

So I ... my post!

How are things going darl?

 

[Dinah93]

Its not your fault, and they don't blame you. They're just trying to explain why it has happened so you don't worry that there is a bigger underlying issue. If they had told you her lungs were immature down to you using class A drugs during your pregnancy - that would be something you'd be being blamed for but you can't help diabetes!

 

[teenpregnant]

Thank you for all the lovely replies. I'm still feeling guilty but I don't thinks hat feeling will go away until she is home. She's getting much better though and was moved to low dependency last night. So home soon hopefully! Thank you all again I will keep you updated.

 

[BearFamily]

Good to hear some good news

 

[kealz]

This isn't your fault! They should better prepared you and baby knowing about your medical status. Motherhood is full of guilt about so many things but please don't put this on yourself too. Fx'd your lo is back with you soon! x

 

[Foogirl]

You know what? I'll bet there isn't a NNIUC mum out there who doesn't blame themselves. I sure as hell do - still - and Abby is 5 years old. When I see her struggle to do the simplest physio move I think "I did this to you" as her Cerebral Palsy was almost certainly because of her early birth. And I know the reality is, I didn't do it to her, and sometimes things just happen.

I certainly would be asking why the hell you weren't given steroid injections if they knew LO's lungs might not develop because of your medical condition.

Glad LO is doing well. And never feel you're not welcome, look for the support if you need it. One of my biggest bugbears is late preemie or termie mums who have to spend time in NNICU feeling unsupported and as if they have no right to feel bad about their experience because others have had it worse. We all go through the first week no matter how our LOs came in to the world and that week is rough as hell.