Not sure if I belong here... but

[HCas]

I have miscarried twice now... both a few years back, and about a year ago we decided to start trying again. Lately I have been feeling like a failure as a mother and woman for not doing more in memory of my two angels and for not being able to give them a living sibling.

Not sure if I belong since I've been reading through some threads and everyone's losses are so fresh in your minds but... I needed a place to... rant I suppose. On the seventh will be the day my daughter grew her wings. Me and DH haven't been able to talk about the loss of her too much until recently. We even went so far as to ignore it because... well like I said we must be horrid parents.

I feel like I have wronged both my children. To protect myself from the pain of losing them I tried to block it out all together. And recently I have been coming face to face with my son's father more often than I would like. It makes me wonder what he would look like...

Ah sorry for writing so much.... I just... I needed to rant a little. Please forgive me.

 

[HopingCarter]

Hey lady. I know you are apart of the other thread I'm on, but I just wanted to respond to this b/c I think more of us feel that way then stated. After I read the thread about the Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month, I felt as if I was horrible person for not doing anything special for the loss of my baby too. It's not that I didn't want to, it's just that I have come to peace with it. I don't know how anyone else would feel about me saying this, but I KNOW it just wasn't our baby's time. I didn't know the sex or anything so I can't really name him/her, but I do still say thanks to God for giving me him/her to begin with. I just left it in God's hands and prayed that he had my time to be a mommy in the near future. My MC just happened on 9/5, so I should feel worse, but I know it's not because I didn't love my baby, because believe me I did. I wondered what he would look like the minute I got a bfp haha. I just let him/her rest in peace, and look to a better future to be a mommy. IT WILL HAPPEN (at least in my eyes). Don't beat yourself up because you haven't sat everyday and cried about it, it's ok to BE OKAY. That's what you should do. At least you do recognize it, and that speaks volumes. You're not horrible at all. When you guys are ready to try again you will, if you aren't already trying. Everyone deals with it differently hun and time does heal wounds. Wishing you luck and hoping you feel better.

 

[babydust1516]

You definitely belong here...this is where we can express how we feel no matter how long ago or how recent our losses were. I am officially at a week since I had my MC. I have my super awesome days and I have my bad moments too...mine is still pretty fresh, but part of me feels guilty still for not mourning more...we have already started TTC again, but I feel like it's right for us. I didn't know the sex of my baby being that we were only 6w1d, but man was I attached to our little nugget! I am beyond ready to be pregnant again and be a first time mommy...i want that feeling to last the whole nine months this time and have a healthy and happy baby...I want to make my husband a daddy and see him light up every time he sees his LO...keep your head up because I believe when it's meant to be it will be...I view my MC as my baby may just have been really really sick and God didn't want them to live that type of life so he made them into an angel to be happy and healthy...hope that helps a little...head up and know you will be a mommy to a LO before you know it!

 

[HCas]

Thank you both ^^

For my first miscarriage it happened right before the sex relieve, so the doctors where able to let me know he was a boy. My second however I didn't know about until I was mcing and the doctors said it was just barely too early, though they believed her to be female. In my family its tradition to name all children weather we know or not (Why I have a angel sister named Ashley and one named Tonya)

Both mcs have hard memories attatched, and not just because they are horrible in themselves. And so for a long time I tried to pretend they didn't happen.... It wasn't until earlier this year that the DH got me to admit out loud to my new doctor I had any, though in my medical files it tells them.

I pray that all of us get our miracles real soon and we can update each other on all the good news. Thank you ladies and baby dust to both of you.

 

[MissRamejkis]

Hey.

Please don't put yourself down like that, creating and losing babies is really hard on us and everyone deals with it differently.

It is never too late to "do" something in honour of your angels... I have a special memory box which I decided I'd write a birthday card every year of my feelings and stuff and keep it in there. I also bought a tiny teddy and popped a scan pic in there.

I bought the most beautiful cuddly teddy bear too, I have him on my chest of drawers and when I feel really down and sad about losing my angel, I give the teddy a huge cuddle.

XXXX

 

[HCas]

Hey.

Please don't put yourself down like that, creating and losing babies is really hard on us and everyone deals with it differently.

It is never too late to "do" something in honour of your angels... I have a special memory box which I decided I'd write a birthday card every year of my feelings and stuff and keep it in there. I also bought a tiny teddy and popped a scan pic in there.

I bought the most beautiful cuddly teddy bear too, I have him on my chest of drawers and when I feel really down and sad about losing my angel, I give the teddy a huge cuddle.

XXXX

Thank you. I felt like crap for so long and this past month really hit me hard. I told my mother for the first time. Dealt with someone rubbing it in my face, and just all around depression. A few days ago my love bought me a charm for a bracelet he bought last christmas for me that has two puzzle pieces on it with their names and birthdays. He also bought two little outfits for a six year old and 4 year old and asked me to cut them up and sew them into a family tree quilt I've been making....

After so long of trying to forget it just made it that much more painful thinking on it.

Thanks again ^^