Not Sure If I Belong Here

[lennymae]

Hello all. My name is Lennon and I am not really sure where I should be posting but I figured I would start here and see what happens. I am pregnant and have a due date in June but I am in a bit of a situation. I am 21 right now and I was hooking up with a younger guy. We were never in a relationship. Now I am pregnant and don't know what to do. I know I don't want to be a parent. I was thinking adoption but the father is completely against it. He says he will refuse to sign any papers. He claims he wants us to be a family but I think he has no real idea of what he would be getting himself into. He is just starting college and has an athletic career in front of him. I don't want him to ruin his life. On top of that neither of us can provide a life for a child right now, which is why I wanted to do adoption. If he isn't willing to do that though I don't think I would feel comfortable bringing a child into the world right now. I just feel stuck and could really use some guidance or thoughts. Thanks. And I am sorry if I don't really belong here.

 

[Jalanis22]

Hello all. My name is Lennon and I am not really sure where I should be posting but I figured I would start here and see what happens. I am pregnant and have a due date in June but I am in a bit of a situation. I am 21 right now and I was hooking up with a younger guy. We were never in a relationship. Now I am pregnant and don't know what to do. I know I don't want to be a parent. I was thinking adoption but the father is completely against it. He says he will refuse to sign any papers. He claims he wants us to be a family but I think he has no real idea of what he would be getting himself into. He is just starting college and has an athletic career in front of him. I don't want him to ruin his life. On top of that neither of us can provide a life for a child right now, which is why I wanted to do adoption. If he isn't willing to do that though I don't think I would feel comfortable bringing a child into the world right now. I just feel stuck and could really use some guidance or thoughts. Thanks. And I am sorry if I don't really belong here.

I wouldnt terminate the pregnancy....god does things for a reason and there will be an outcome of this....there 100s of girls dying to have a baby and just for you to terminate it. Its your decision but im one of those girls...if you kniw you cant handle a baby the. Give it up for adoption im sure theres alot of ppl that cant have kids and well they would do anything for a baby...

 

[ChellePepper]

I am not 100% on adoption law, but I don't think you need his permission. I wouldn't terminate, either. Life is precious.

 

[OnyxSnowfall]

Only you know what is best. It is your body and your choice.

I will say this though: I was 18 when I had my first, and I was not ready in many of the practical senses, but I made it work. Lots of young (and older!) people find ways for it to . I wouldn't trade my oldest for anything, there is a lot of joy and reward in having a child, even in the harder moments. He actually taught me a lot of things I treasure (and not ALL at his expense ). Hopefully you have family and friends who will support you in whatever decision you make. I know it can be frightening AND seem overwhelming, but i recommend you try to have confidence in yourself and try not to base your decision on fears or negative what ifs.

With that said, don't let anyone pressure you into something you are against in your heart. You gotta follow that part of you. What is right can be different for people. Something i personally factor in is the long-term weight of a decision and what I would or would not regret - some hard lessons showed me to opt more towards taking risks over bowing out (then I do my best and also have faith that what feels right to me will work out) - but for others they may have been shown to lean the other way.

Good luck in your decision .

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Is there no way you can make this work? If you are due in June then the little heart would be already beating and have little hands and elbows and feet. The organs are formed as well the tiny brain. This is not something I would like to take away as the baby is already a human being.

You still have months ahead to get things sorted and if teen moms can do this then surely you can as well??

 

[girlnboots]

Adoption is a wonderful thing. I'd ask him to keep an open mind. Maybe discuss open adoption?

 

[Coco Tutu]

I am definitely pro choice and firmly believe that this is your life and only you know what is the best choice. That said, you might not know what's best just yet. Now you are probably afraid and shocked, so give yourself some more time. I find that adoption is a wonderful idea and I do not know how the father could object, especially if he is not able to provide for this child. Even if he says he is ready to start a family with you, are you willing to spend your life with him? You do not sound so enthusiastic about it.
I feel however that if you choose to allow this pregnancy to progress you might bond with the baby and not want to give it up for adoption after all. And I think that you can make it work. Babies are not that expensive the first year of their life, from what I hear, especially if you co-sleep, breastfeed, use cloth nappies and can find used baby clothes from friends and relatives. So if it is the financial aspect that worries you, there are ways around it. But if you do not feel emotionally ready, then I would look into adoption. Before joining the forum I had no idea how many women struggle with infertility and would cherish the gift of a child. This has shifted my view of things a bit.
I think I am done. Sorry for the essay :/

 

[Coco Tutu]

(P.S.: I LOVE your name!)

 

[redlemonade]

I would see a pregnancy counsellor to talk through your options as opposed to asking on boards like this. It is your decision and yours alone. You can see from some of the above comments what other people would do, and you can see where their opinions lie, but it's not their choice and it's not their body or their life - it's yours. And from my experience on this board, you won't really get a very balanced view either, you need to talk to somebody neutral like a counsellor. Deciding between your options right now will take time and some difficult conversations but please know that NONE of the options are wrong and it's entirely your choice. Take your time to ascertain what is best for YOU.

I wish you all the very best of luck in whatever decision you make.

 

[gidge]

I would see a pregnancy counsellor to talk through your options as opposed to asking on boards like this. It is your decision and yours alone. You can see from some of the above comments what other people would do, and you can see where their opinions lie, but it's not their choice and it's not their body or their life - it's yours. And from my experience on this board, you won't really get a very balanced view either, you need to talk to somebody neutral like a counsellor. Deciding between your options right now will take time and some difficult conversations but please know that NONE of the options are wrong and it's entirely your choice.

I wish you all the very best of luck in whatever decision you make.

Couldn´t have said it better myself. I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do. xxx

 

[AP]

Please can all read the forum rules

While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.