Not sure what to do!

[mleah]

Tonight I was informed that I am pregnant by my doctor and keeping it a secret from my mum wasn't even an option as she was in the room with me. I'm currently 18 and I'm around 4 weeks pregnant. I kind of suspected that something was up when I started eating gherkins for breakfast everyday. Anyway, I'm sort of confused as to what I'd like to do. Part of me wants to have a baby and give it the best life possible- I've always loved children and I've been told that I'm extremely good with them! On the other hand I would love to pursue a career in Literature, whether that be in writing screenplays or becoming an aspiring journalist...I'm just not sure. If I have this child I wont be able to go travelling, go to a good university, go out clubbing or partying or have miraculous shopping sprees because lets face it...I wont have the cash or time.
On this note, my boyfriend already has a career in the bag. He is a junior estate agent (he is also 18), however he does not want a child yet.
My mother doesn't particularly want me to have it, as you can imagine.
WHAT DO I DO???

 

[makeupgirl]

Tonight I was informed that I am pregnant by my doctor and keeping it a secret from my mum wasn't even an option as she was in the room with me. I'm currently 18 and I'm around 4 weeks pregnant. I kind of suspected that something was up when I started eating gherkins for breakfast everyday. Anyway, I'm sort of confused as to what I'd like to do. Part of me wants to have a baby and give it the best life possible- I've always loved children and I've been told that I'm extremely good with them! On the other hand I would love to pursue a career in Literature, whether that be in writing screenplays or becoming an aspiring journalist...I'm just not sure. If I have this child I wont be able to go travelling, go to a good university, go out clubbing or partying or have miraculous shopping sprees because lets face it...I wont have the cash or time.
On this note, my boyfriend already has a career in the bag. He is a junior estate agent (he is also 18), however he does not want a child yet.
My mother doesn't particularly want me to have it, as you can imagine.
WHAT DO I DO???

First thing, breathe.

It's easy to get wound up in the 'what-if's' and thinking negatively.

I was in your position a few years ago. I dated a guy quite a few years older than me and fell in love with him. I moved to another state to be with him and all of the sudden, I became pregnant! I wasn't even old enough to drink much less have a child. I didn't feel 'ready' because I knew I wouldn't be able to go off to Vegas for my 21st birthday, be able to spoil myself after a hard days work, or even be in a stable relationship as my boyfriend at the time was, for lack of a better word, a douchebag.

After telling my mom, she told me that she wouldn't support me - that I would be on my own if I chose to keep it. I wouldn't be allowed to live in her home and if I wanted to move home, I would have to look at my options. I decided it would be best for both my BF and I if I terminated my pregnancy. I wanted to be home and out of the relationship and I felt like it was my only way to freedom.

Ending that pregnancy is my biggest regret in life and it haunts me every single day. Sure life gets difficult when you have a child at an early age and I'm sure things would have been quite hard for us at the time. But none of the things you have mentioned are sufficient reasons to not become a mother. Just as mine weren't.

I'm not here to scold you or tell you what to do (I'm an advocate for doing what is best for YOU!) and it all comes from a huge heart. If that option is something you aren't thinking of, then please ignore my story! I just want every young woman to understand the mental consequences of such a heavy decision. It really can affect you for the rest of your life.

I have several friends who had children at a young age and while they weren't going out as often, they still made sure they had one or two nights a month to go out with their girlfriends. They still travelled although it was with their little one. They didn't go on shopping sprees (and wouldn't have even without children - reality is, other expenses get in the way of spoiling yourself all the time!) And they are currently in the process or have already obtained their dream degrees/job.

There is the choice of adoption if you feel you could go down that route. There are couples out there who would dream of having a new addition to their family if you truly feel like it's not the right time for you.

You can do this

 

[DaisyDreamer]

Having the baby is ultimately your choice. Understandably it's not always an easy choice to make. If there's any part of you that wants to keep it, it will be damaging to terminate it. That being said, don't think that you have to give up everything when you become a mother... If you chose to give your child an alternative life that includes traveling around the world then you could do that.
Also as you become a mother you may find there are more important treasures than being able to splurge on material things, or going out and partying.

Remember it is your choice! Just make sure that whatever you decide to do, it's done for the right reasons. Best of luck to you~

 

[Topanga053]

Tonight I was informed that I am pregnant by my doctor and keeping it a secret from my mum wasn't even an option as she was in the room with me. I'm currently 18 and I'm around 4 weeks pregnant. I kind of suspected that something was up when I started eating gherkins for breakfast everyday. Anyway, I'm sort of confused as to what I'd like to do. Part of me wants to have a baby and give it the best life possible- I've always loved children and I've been told that I'm extremely good with them! On the other hand I would love to pursue a career in Literature, whether that be in writing screenplays or becoming an aspiring journalist...I'm just not sure. If I have this child I wont be able to go travelling, go to a good university, go out clubbing or partying or have miraculous shopping sprees because lets face it...I wont have the cash or time.
On this note, my boyfriend already has a career in the bag. He is a junior estate agent (he is also 18), however he does not want a child yet.
My mother doesn't particularly want me to have it, as you can imagine.
WHAT DO I DO???

This is such a personal decision and no one can tell you what is right for you. Not your mother, or your boyfriend, or anyone on this board. You need to be fully comfortable with whatever decision you make.

I will be honest up front and admit that I have never been in your situation. My husband and I were older when we got pregnant for the first time, it was a planned pregnancy, we had been through college, had been married for several years, both had good jobs, we owned a home, and we had lots of very supportive family members nearby. In many, many ways we have been in the best possible situation to handle a pregnancy and a baby.

And it's not easy. I won't sugarcoat that for you either. No matter what you choose, you should know what you're getting into. Raising a baby is difficult. My daughter is a wonderful baby and I have the money to meet all of her needs and a huge support network, but it is still difficult. There are days where it is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do (and I have a law degree). Some days there is little sleep, lots of crying (for both of you!), food thrown on the floor, temper tantrums because she can't wear her sneakers AND her dress up shoes at the same time, times when she wants nothing to do with me, and times when she wants nothing other than to be held by me.

But then sometimes I look at her and I see the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Here is this beautiful little girl, who looks so much like me, saying, "Momma" like I'm the best thing in the world and holding out her arms to be held by me because the only place in the world she wants to be right then is in my arms. And in those moments, I think my heart might burst because it can't handle all of the love I feel for this amazing little girl.

If you have and keep the baby, going to college, travelling, partying, and going on shopping sprees will be hard. There is no doubt about that. And it will be much harder to do those things as a young teen mom than it would be for an older mom. But that does not mean that it's impossible. If you have support from your boyfriend, mother, or other people in your life, it's still possible to do all of those things. Again, it's a different situation, but my mother-in-law babysat our daughter earlier this year while my husband and I took a two week vacation, including a week long cruise to several different countries. So, even since having my daughter, I've travelled internationally. We have also had family members baby-sit while we have gone out drinking, on dates, etc. So again, it depends on the level of support you have and it IS harder, but even with a baby, you can still travel, go partying, etc. And people have gotten through college with young children. Again, it's hard, but it is possible.

Regarding the shopping sprees, I've got to be honest, if you're 18, shopping sprees are probably in your distant future anyway, baby or not. I didn't have the extra money to do a lot of shopping until well after I had graduated from college and law school. (And while I think both career choices you've mentioned are fabulous, neither one of them are normally particularly high-paying unless you hit it big, so again, the idea of having these dream shopping sprees might be a little unrealistic for a long time, no matter what path you choose with the baby.)

So I just wanted to say that while yes, there is no question that having a baby at any age makes all of those things harder (and much harder if you're a younger mother), they are not out of reach. I want to be honest that having a baby drastically changes your life and can be VERY challenging, even under the best of circumstances, but I also want you to know that it can be the most amazing thing in the world and that you can still do all of the things you mentioned, if you're committed to finding a way to make it work.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[winterbabies3]

I am a strong believer in things happen for a reason! Life still goes on after a child. I was 18 when I found out about ds1 and I wouldn't change anything! Good luck! Xx

 

[laila 44]

That's a very personal decision as previous posters have mentioned. I was never a teen mom and to be quite honest I don't think I ever would have been able to. My husband and i are two professionals who went to school I even attended grad school so by the time we had our first we were very financially established and I had my first at 28 so still quite young. I do however have friends who had children much much younger in less than ideal circumstances and they made it work as well. No one can tell you what the best option is that's up to you. All I will say is that a child is a hell of a lot of work but is also the most rewarding job ever. It takes lots of sacrifices and a great support system. Good luck in wtv you choose xx

 

[rose.]

I had my son when I was 21. I was married and he was planned, but I was still quite young. It was a lot harder than I thought, but it has also been so rewarding and I am so proud of what we have achieved. Since having my son I have almost qualified as a lawyer - one year to go - moved twice and now own a 3 bedroom house, and we are now starting to afford a few luxuries like nice holidays . I am not going to lie, it is very hard work, and you change as a person once you've had a child - I don't have that much in common with those I was closest to before. But I have made new friends, and we enjoy different things now. Money is tight but you dont have as much time to go out and spend it, so your priorities change. My husband often works 7 day weeks but that's just what you have to do if you want luxuries once you have children.

Having a baby doesn't have to mean the end of your life. If you're prepared to put a lot of really hard work in, you can still achieve what you dream of achieving - you just have to work 10x harder and expect it to take a bit longer.

Whatever you decide, make sure its your decision and think about the positives and the negatives.

Good luck