@@@not sure which road to take@@@

[vkj73]

I posted this on another thread too:

I'll be 41 in April. We've been trying for #2 since summer 2012.
Started IUI's April 2013. All have been negative.

The thing is, we weren't sure if we should have a second for various reasons. We decided to try and figured, if we get pg it's mean to be, if not, then that's meant to be. Here we are, hitting a road block.

My question is, when did you decide to move to ivf? I never even thought I'd try clomid. My dr says I'm the perfect candidate for ivf.

Part of me feels, maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe we'd be forcing it.
With my age, maybe this is isn't a good idea. I'm so torn; I have been praying for a clear answer for some time.
Maybe the fact that it's not working is our clear answer.

I'm reaching out, as I feel stuck. Please be gentle

 

[Rhapsodi]

I've been struggling with this too. We have been NTNP/TTC for 5 and a half years now. Before we got married we said we wanted to adopt regardless of if we had bio kids or not. It was something we both always knew was in our plan. Well after 3 years of marriage, and no sign of us ever having a child we started our road to adoption. Not closing our chances for bio children but just switching focus for a while. Six months later we were foster parents to my nephews. We kept our desires to have bio kids but were happy and focused on being foster parents. We set if we aren't pg by xdate we will go to the dr for help. Those timelines came and went. We always had an excuse to move it back. In the past year we have tried harder. But each cycle caused more pain. In December I finally decided enough is enough. If We really want this we need to just go for it. Dive deeper and fill in our what ifs. I decided to give myself a timeline of one year. If we don't conceive in that one year we need to dive deeper and decide how much more or just stop and grieve and continue our dream of adoption. Right now DH and I are trying to figure out how we will afford the treatment I need (I have hormone imbalances causing many issues on top of probably having endo.) But in my mind, where there is a will (have a house full of kids), there is a way (adoption/bio). My job is to figure out which way to go.


I don't want to make this about me. But I wanted to share you are not alone. Personally IUI and IVF are not things I would do so I can't recommend continuing or not. Have you ever seen a NaPro dr? From my research they have higher success rates than IVF/IUI.

I hope I helped and didn't cause more confusion for you.

 

[Emmi]

I think the decision to go down the IVF route is hard but for me it was easy - am 42 and I need all the help I can get. Hubby's sperm was all abit erratic so after clomid - we went to a private clinic for IVF and ICSI. The process is not easy and I was totally heartbroken that it failed. We want to see if we can try again but need to raise the money.....

I think as we have no children and as I am desperate to be a mummy - I will do and try anything to make it happen. Ultimately - however our baby is 'made' - it is being made out of love.

I really hope that you find your answers and really wish you well.

x

 

[CaliDreaming]

I posted this on another thread too:

I'll be 41 in April. We've been trying for #2 since summer 2012.
Started IUI's April 2013. All have been negative.

The thing is, we weren't sure if we should have a second for various reasons. We decided to try and figured, if we get pg it's mean to be, if not, then that's meant to be. Here we are, hitting a road block.

My question is, when did you decide to move to ivf? I never even thought I'd try clomid. My dr says I'm the perfect candidate for ivf.

Part of me feels, maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe we'd be forcing it.
With my age, maybe this is isn't a good idea. I'm so torn; I have been praying for a clear answer for some time.
Maybe the fact that it's not working is our clear answer.

I'm reaching out, as I feel stuck. Please be gentle

Sorry it has been so hard conceiving #2.

Proceeding with IVF is such a tough decision. It really sucks that it costs so much to get it here.

I think you've spent a lot of time thinking about what would happen if the IVF does not work, but I also think it's important to think about how you would feel if you don't even try. Would the "what ifs" haunt you?? It may be hard to get closure if you don't see the process all the way through so even if the IVF doesn't work it may be worth it so that you can feel you gave it your best shot.

Do the doctors have a probable reason why you haven't conceived yet? If it's something straightforward then it may not be so much of a gamble versus someone for whom they have no clue. They seem to have gotten really good at IVF these days.

 

[vkj73]

Thank you so much everyone for replying. I really appreciate each of your replies. You've all given me some perspective and a different lens which is exactly what I needed. Good luck to you all on your journey.

 

[Kayotic]

For us, NOT going IVF was an easy choice.

We have one child. We would love another, but not at the risk of our current sons financial security. We're a single income family and we just don't have $15k per cycle to waste if it doesnt work.

I hope you find an answer you're happy with