Proserpina
Mother of Dragons
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2012
- Messages
- 1,219
- Reaction score
- 24
Hey B&B Single Parents,
Long time no see. I posted here in 2013 and early 2014, documenting my pregnancy, the birth of my son, and my difficult decision to separate from my then-husband over his intense emotional affair with a ho-worker. Later, post-separation, he had a physical affair with another woman, and we divorced in November 2014.
Fast forward to now. I have a ton of good things going on. I'm on the cusp of (finally!) finishing my master's degree, something I thought would never get done after my husband effectively abandoned me. I'm also finishing a Human Resources certificate at the local community college to advance my career (since my degrees are all liberal arts). I won two lawsuits and will be spending two weeks in California in June on what's effectively an all-expenses-paid speaking/research gig, and my kids are happy and well-adjusted.
My chronically unemployed 28-year-old brother moved in with me in 2014 to help me care for my kids. The deal was simple: he cares for my kids, I pay his living expenses. Childcare for a newborn + a disabled 8-year-old was going to cost me $1600/month; an extra room for my brother only cost me $400-$500 a month plus a stipend to him of $220 a month, so the savings were significant.
Last year, he decided he wanted to go back to part-time work. I supported him, but my conditions were: (1) You still do childcare on your days off (including putting my daughter on the bus in the mornings), and (2) you pay me a small share of the rent, just $140 a month.
Long story short, he has become a pain in my ass because he doesn't want to do childcare anymore and he doesn't want to pay for any of his share of the expenses. Hasn't paid in 5 months. He is now working nearly full-time, which means I am paying for almost full-time care on top of his living expenses. When I want help with the kids, it's "those are not my kids, they are yours and [ex-husband's] kids, you two are the ones who need to work out how to care for them!" When I want rent, it's, "I help you take care of your kids, I shouldn't have to pay rent!"
Also, he pretty much stopped putting my daughter on the bus in the mornings months ago. I had the school calling me at work at 11 AM asking where my daughter was; she was still at home because he was sleeping in. I've had to make other arrangements to ensure I don't get in trouble with CPS because my daughter is missing school.
Since he doesn't want to watch the kids anymore, I suggested he ask to be made completely full-time and then simply pay me for his share of expenses. 1/4th of the rent/utilities/Internet + 1/2 car insurance + his covered parking spot rental. It would come to $485/month. He freaked out at me and insisted he couldn't do that because it would be "almost [his] entire paycheck," but he adamantly refused to show me a pay stub showing me what he actually earns. (He earns $10/hr; the net take-home should be ~$1400 per month. He can afford that much.) He is a 30-year-old manchild who has never lived on his own and has no conception of the cost of living.
His name is on the lease, which is up in July. Pretty sure we will part ways then, but the next 4 months may be hell.
I'm also pissed off at my family in Washington state, who keep on taking his side. I'll rant about them later. Thanks for listening.
Long time no see. I posted here in 2013 and early 2014, documenting my pregnancy, the birth of my son, and my difficult decision to separate from my then-husband over his intense emotional affair with a ho-worker. Later, post-separation, he had a physical affair with another woman, and we divorced in November 2014.
Fast forward to now. I have a ton of good things going on. I'm on the cusp of (finally!) finishing my master's degree, something I thought would never get done after my husband effectively abandoned me. I'm also finishing a Human Resources certificate at the local community college to advance my career (since my degrees are all liberal arts). I won two lawsuits and will be spending two weeks in California in June on what's effectively an all-expenses-paid speaking/research gig, and my kids are happy and well-adjusted.
My chronically unemployed 28-year-old brother moved in with me in 2014 to help me care for my kids. The deal was simple: he cares for my kids, I pay his living expenses. Childcare for a newborn + a disabled 8-year-old was going to cost me $1600/month; an extra room for my brother only cost me $400-$500 a month plus a stipend to him of $220 a month, so the savings were significant.
Last year, he decided he wanted to go back to part-time work. I supported him, but my conditions were: (1) You still do childcare on your days off (including putting my daughter on the bus in the mornings), and (2) you pay me a small share of the rent, just $140 a month.
Long story short, he has become a pain in my ass because he doesn't want to do childcare anymore and he doesn't want to pay for any of his share of the expenses. Hasn't paid in 5 months. He is now working nearly full-time, which means I am paying for almost full-time care on top of his living expenses. When I want help with the kids, it's "those are not my kids, they are yours and [ex-husband's] kids, you two are the ones who need to work out how to care for them!" When I want rent, it's, "I help you take care of your kids, I shouldn't have to pay rent!"
Also, he pretty much stopped putting my daughter on the bus in the mornings months ago. I had the school calling me at work at 11 AM asking where my daughter was; she was still at home because he was sleeping in. I've had to make other arrangements to ensure I don't get in trouble with CPS because my daughter is missing school.
Since he doesn't want to watch the kids anymore, I suggested he ask to be made completely full-time and then simply pay me for his share of expenses. 1/4th of the rent/utilities/Internet + 1/2 car insurance + his covered parking spot rental. It would come to $485/month. He freaked out at me and insisted he couldn't do that because it would be "almost [his] entire paycheck," but he adamantly refused to show me a pay stub showing me what he actually earns. (He earns $10/hr; the net take-home should be ~$1400 per month. He can afford that much.) He is a 30-year-old manchild who has never lived on his own and has no conception of the cost of living.
His name is on the lease, which is up in July. Pretty sure we will part ways then, but the next 4 months may be hell.
I'm also pissed off at my family in Washington state, who keep on taking his side. I'll rant about them later. Thanks for listening.
