Now the midwife is bringing her supervisor on board

[hippylittlej]

The midwife who doesn't want me to have a home birth because of my height (4ft 9") has just called me to say she wants to do a home visit this afternoon and will be bringing her supervisor with her, given what we have discussed. She is still not happy with my decision and wants me to speak to someone else.
I am sat here in tears as every time I get myself comfortable with my decision and feel good about it she comes back at me again. It is like unless I give in and say fine I'll go to hospital she is going to keep backing me into a corner and scaring me about how I am going to risk my babies life.
I know I am not taking unnecessary risks, I have done my research. I have no family history of small height causing a problem in birth, but oh how she keeps coming back at me.

I am fed up of fighting I just want to be left alone to have my birth my way and IF there is a problem then we will cross that bridge when we come it.

 

[Pielette]

Oh my God, what is this woman's problem?! Stay strong! Personally I would be inclined to allow them to come over, let this other person say whatever they've got to say and then graciously say thank you, but we have decided x. And then, say that you don't want to hear any more about it. You've listened to their thoughts and you've done your own research and they need to leave it there.
If they continue to badger you, tell them you've had enough of it and if it continues you will complain.

 

[Kess]

I don't understand why your height would have an impact at all. Has she said? I'd ask specific questions - what research can she cite, for you to read so you can make an informed decision, what reasons does she have to assume that your baby would grow too big for you to birth, what makes her think your pelvic opening is particularly small? How far are you from the hospital, hun, in case of transfer? There's a thing about having an untried pelvis (first baby) on homebirth.org you might want to read to prepare yourself for her answers to your questions.

 

[hippylittlej]

Hospital is 7 minutes away, 10 at the most. She has no reason other than she feels I am too small. I have explained my grandmother for 4ft 52 and had 4 natural births but still isn't interested.
I just feel she is like a dog with a bone. Last time we spoke we agreed to disagree and now she has come back with this. I have asked my mum to come round as I will get emotional I am sure.

 

[chuck]

Tell them what you have just told us!

Do you have any one that can be in the meeting to back your corner?

 

[Pielette]

Good idea to have your mum there for back-up. Just try to stay calm!

 

[chuck]

Happy EDD byt the way pielette

 

[Pielette]

Thanks chuck!

 

[Donch03]

This is absolutely wrong....you are entitled by law to have your baby where you want to and have the right to assistance from your community midwives who should be treating you the same as any other pregnant women having her baby in hospital. I would be tempted as another poster has suggested to decline the visit from the midwife and her supervisor as at this stage of your pregnancy it will only stress you unneccasarily. I bought a kindle book called Home birth a practical quide by Nicky Wesson that outlines all sorts of studies into home birthing and it's benefits and how to combat a system that tries to put you off it. It's a fantastic read but what your midwife is doing is wrong. Try to stay strong and hold your ground. Xx

 

[Samie18]

Unfortunately midwifey has become a very defensive profession because there is such a culture to blame and sue if things do go wrong so by involving her supervisor it covers her back and the clinical negligence would be reduced.

Having said that there is no reason you cannot birth naturally at home so they shouldn't be trying to convince you otherwise they have to give you informed choice so stick up for yourself to get what you want!
x

 

[hippylittlej]

I am feeling a lot calmer now. I am armed with facts and I am also going to tell her supervisor I feel bullied. That having an opinion and outlining the risks are one thing but all this extra pressure isn't acceptable.

 

[Narie]

Hope everything goes well this afternoon. My mum is 5 foot and her last baby, baby no.4 weighed 10 lb 1 oz and she managed to have a natural birth and had no tears or stitches.

 

[chuck]

Good stuff, if you need to write down a few thing to say or ask dont feel silly for doing so.

Its so easy to forget some of the things you want to say/ask when you're face to face with people.

 

[hippylittlej]

So the supervisor midwife took the name of every person who I have seen or who has written on my notes. She says that the higher risk I present should have been mentioned sooner and that she is sorry it took this midwife to mention it at this late stage. They just want to make sure I am aware of the risks, what their concerns are and agreed they will support me at home if that is what I like.
She was not happy that nobody else prior to this midwife raised any concerns. She isn't saying my pelvis will be too small or baby will definitely get stuck but that given my height it is a higher risk than average height person.

 

[diz]

Did she say what 'higher risk' actually meant interterms of statistics? and give you any papers/documentation/research to look over.

How are you feeling? xx

 

[fides]

how are you feeling about things now?

 

[chuck]

Hmmm seems like an awful lot of fuss to tell you what you kinda knew anyway that being smaller than average can sometimes have extra risks but those are tiny (no pun intended LOL).

Good that theyre on board with the homebirth so you dont have to fight for it.

I reckon they were preparing to convince you to go in but were met by a well informed lady who wasnt going to be scared and it put them on the back foot.

 

[hippylittlej]

I am feeling a little better today. It has still kind of taken the edge of my excitement and I am struggling to visualise my birth as I intended. I am now feeling that I should wait until the last minute and go to hospital, which I don't want to do but have a feeling that their words are just going to keep ringing in my ears. I guess until I am at that stage I won't know how I feel or what will be going through my head.

Diz, they can't back the height issue up with facts or figures. They are aware their opinions are based on experience and not fact.

Thanks for your support ladies it means a lots to me.

 

[diz]

I'm sorry that this whole experience has tainted the excitement and your faith in your home birth... I'm really cross for you. I know that they are just airing on the side of caution and covering their backs but still...

As you said, the hospital is not far away at all, and you shouldn't worry about a transfer if you need one - by which I mean don't have their voices in the back of your head saying "I told you so" and don't let the prospect of maybee needing a transfer stop you from having the birth that you want.

I think that I would also doubt myself and my disission to birth at home if I had the experience that you have had. I think that I would also use the time I had left to carryon preparing for the birth I originally wanted and try and visuallise that birth so that way when it came to the crunch and if I felt that I wished I could birth at home then I would still be prepared to do so. At the end of the day if all the planning and preparation is set for a home birth you have that option. But also if you feel you want to go to hospital after labouring at home then it's your choice and im sure you will still have a lovely forfilling birth. At the end of the day the end result will be the same xx.

 

[aliss]

Just to chime in,

Being under 5'0 is a risk factor when predicting shoulder dystocia (the main ones being the height, excessive weight gain when your BMI is already overweight [maternal obesity - generally 40lbs+ over a 30BMI], previous shoulder dystocia, gestational diabetes, and 8lb 12oz+ predicted fetal size).

I've been dealing with this risk assessment with my OBGYN after my previous dystocia incident. Even with the risk factors, shoulder dystocia itself is about a 1/100 risk. But as is true, shoulder dystocia cannot be transferred to a hospital - a true SD will likely result in asphyxiation before that happens. It's not like transferring for a "typical" emergency C-section. Just being honest, having been through it myself. HOWEVER it is complete bullshit that a midwife is not equipped to deal with it at home - they are, of course, and Ina May Gaskin has plenty of info on it. The only thing they cannot do is the zavanelli C-section (and that will be too late for a transfer).

However, that is only one risk factor alone, just like the billions of women that have delivered 9+lb babies. Good luck, stick to your guns.