October Rainbow Babies!!!

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Bumpy - Awesome!! so many great scans next week!! i've had back pain off and on. It depends on what I do, if I over exert myself that day. I *think* I've felt LO, but it's so hard to tell. I've felt little flutters, bubbly type feeling off and on. It's definitely not an every day type thing, but it's there.

Cazi - Yay for being scan buddies! My DH works far away, so we needed a morning appt as it's easier for him to just go into work late, and then work later that night.

Meaggers - Happy 19 weeks!! Glad you and LO are doing well!!
 
We are team :blue:

While I would have loved to buy pink, I am on :cloud9: with my newest little man! Seeing him again on the ultrasound made me ever more anxious for Sept/Oct to get here!
 
Twink- That's wonderful news!!! Congratulations!! :flower: I love boys! (obviously, I have 5. Well, maybe 6, I don't know yet)
 
Congrats Twinkie!! Is there a way to add a pink or blue stork to the names on the board as everyone finds out?
 
Can I join please? I'm due 9th with a little girly! Had a mc Christmas eve/day 2011 and fell pregnant straight away just after it and am now nearly half way!

I've had 5 scans already and my anomaly one is next weds at 20+1 (fingers crossed all is well) but I still can't imagine bringing a live baby home at the end of all this :cry:
 
Meaggers, that's a great idea. Although, I think rachelbubble would have to do that since she started the group. I know she's not on much anymore though.

Welcome Katia! I feel the same way sometimes. I have my gender/anatomy scan next Friday (1 week!) and I'm starting to get veryyy nervous about it. I'm just praying everything is okay.
 
Thank you! Its so nerve wracking being in this position, I feel like I'm just going through the motions and I'm wishing it away so badly! Good luck for next week :flow:
 
Big congrats on your little boy, Twink! I'm totally the other way around, I'm hoping to be buying blue. :haha:

My scan is in 4 days!! The 22nd at 10AM. :happydance:

I'll be sure to keep you ladies posted. I'm pretty nervous, though :blush:
 
i know the feeling girls, after 4mc being PAL is really nervous, but ive had lots of reassurance scans and im really trying to enjoy it as much as possible!

so excited about all these gender scans next week!!!!
 
Eloquence said:
Big congrats on your little boy, Twink! I'm totally the other way around, I'm hoping to be buying blue. :haha:

My scan is in 4 days!! The 22nd at 10AM. :happydance:

I'll be sure to keep you ladies posted. I'm pretty nervous, though :blush:
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Yayyyy, lucky to be having it so early. Mines wed 23rd at 10:30 :/ I'm dreading it to be honest x

bumpyplease said:
i know the feeling girls, after 4mc being PAL is really nervous, but ive had lots of reassurance scans and im really trying to enjoy it as much as possible!

so excited about all these gender scans next week!!!!
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Being pal is horrendous I agree! I'm excited toooooo :) x
 
I'm sort of dreading it too, Katia.
My last was a second trimester loss, at 22w. We had had the gender scan and gone through the motions. I guess I'm just kind of *expecting* something to go wrong with this U/S.

But we need to keep our heads up and think positive! I'm sure our LO's wouldn't appreciate us thinking so negatively. :) I'm trying to concentrate on the positives like seeing my LO again and finding out if the little one is a he or a she.

Hopefully you can do the same, Katia! :flow: xoxo
 
Congrats Twinkie! That's wonderful news! I'm thrilled for you (and exceedingly jealous ;))

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We confirmed at my obs appointment a couple of days ago that we're team :pink:

However that's not why I'm writing. I want to know how everyone else is coping? I've noticed a few of you have lightly touched on being scared but you haven't elaborated much, please tell me I'm not alone - I've gotten to the point that I'm obsessing. I can't get it out of my head that something will go wrong. I've even f-ing clicked on "dealing with a stillbirth" results when searching other pregnancy related things. It's like I'm preparing in advance for the worst case. I just feel like Kaida will never come home with me, like it's not real. Like I don't deserve her. After having ovarian failure and being told this would never happen for me and then losing my first I feel like she's not suppose to be - like I'm sooooo lucky to be here that it can't be this good - it's all going to crumble for me.
I'm not coping. I'm really not. It's every thought, every breath, every google search. I'm suppose to be studying for upcoming medical exams in only 3 weeks and I haven't done a thing.
On top of obsessing I started contractions (suspected BHs) at 16 and a half weeks. Now almost a week later I get them on and off and I'm petrified this is the start of something. So far the maternity unit doesn't want to know me because I'm before 20 weeks and (I quote) "even if something goes wrong there's nothing we can do for you at this stage so it doesn't matter". My emergency doctor suspects an irritable uterus since I have them so early which doesn't help as I've researched that it's associated with preterm birth.
I know bubs is 100% perfectly fine and amazing. I'm just convinced my body will fail her at any point.

Anyway what I'm trying to get at is PAL is insane. Is anyone else feeling as awful as me? How are you coping? I've tried the usual - warm bath, breathing, music, time out etc. and the more time I'm left alone with my own mind the worse it gets. I need help. Bad.

Come on 20 weeks; I just want to be heard. It's frustrating as hell - I'm a medical student and I absolutely vow never to do this to my patients. Every single one will be heard properly. Once I reach 20 weeks it'll be a fight to 24 weeks and beyond.

Thanks for reading my rant, if you got this far. I feel this is the best place to put it because no one seems to understand without experiencing a loss. I can't talk to friends because it's all I talk about and they're sick of me. Plus, they're not pregnant and don't get it. My DH, who is my world, is even starting to get sick of the obsessing. I have no one. I'm so alone.
 
Emerald- I was obsessive at first with this pregnancy (but to be fair I had several bouts of bleeding, so of course I expected the worst). But you just have to keep telling yourself your baby is healthy and safe. I started having BH at about 16 weeks. I started off just a couple at night, but now I feel them off and on all day long. My Dr. assured me that it is completely normal, and gave me the whole "not to worry unless they are painful and regular, or I am leaking fluid or bleeding" speech. Of course I knew this, but I was just hoping for some advice or something. So basically I have jut been monitoring them myself. When I feel one I try to estimate how long it lasts and wait and see how long it is between them. I have never had more than 2 in an hour, so so far mine seem to be OK, but I know how hard it is fearing the worst!
 
Emerald:

I understand you completely, and please know that you are not alone.

Almost every moment of my day is filled with worrying for our baby. After my second trimester loss last year, the scarring on my uterus was to prevent me from even conceiving. So scarred that an egg shouldn't be able to implant to the uterine wall.

Yet... here I am.

Because my last was a second trimester loss, I am absolutely petrified. I don't think I'll be able to ease up, even once I hit v-day. Our rainbow baby is nothing short of a miracle, and sometimes it definitely feels like miracles are too good to be true. I had BH as well around 16w, and it was petrifying. I was terrified of a pre-term labor, and another second trimester loss. I don't think I could stand to lose another baby.

Even the chance of a stillborn, and the chance of SIDS is something in the back of my head every day! And both of those things are far off, yet! Sometimes it just seems too good to be true.

As for how I cope with all of this, I talk to my therapist. I've had a therapist since I lost my little girl (her name was Cliona) and he serves me well. He's someone I can voice all of my fears, thoughts and desires to without any fear of judgement or him "getting sick" of hearing me obsess. Sometimes I talk to my OH, too, but sometimes I also feel like he just doesn't understand it. I mean, he lost a little girl then, too. Where as the pain is no less or more than what I feel, it is a different pain that he deals with.

I talk to my therapist, and he gives me coping mechanisms. (And if those coping mechanisms don't work, then I sit there and ramble on incessantly and he just sits quietly and lets me do it.)

The best advice I can offer you is to seek a professional, if you feel like you can't handle this on your own anymore. It can help so much to have someone to lend a non-judgmental ear.

:flow: xx
 
Emerald you're not alone. I too feel like I'm almost waiting for the ball to drop. I even have nightmares of something going wrong or losing my little boy. It's very hard to cope with my anxiety on some days and I just try my best to relax and think positively. I am coming up on 20 weeks, but I'm in no way comfortable with that milestone. I'm not even comfortable with vday. I don't think I can breathe easy until he's in my arms and even then I'm sure I'll worry about everything. I think after you've lost something so precious and dear to your heart there is that constant fear that it'll happen again. We're all with you. I love this thread because we've all been there and can relate to eachother in ways that other people can't. I feel guilty some days because I don't feel like I can talk to my friends or that they would even understand why I get so scared and nervous.

Congrats on team pink! And good luck to the upcoming scans ladies.

On a happy more positive note: Yesterday morning I felt the first flutters. Now it is very frequent and the best way I can describe it is like soda fizz. Very excited as I thought this day would never come where I could actually feel him.
 
Thanks everyone.


Meaggers, what a gorgeous name for your little boy. Congrats on the movement.

I've been feeling kaida since 15 weeks which is very strange and I'm still doubting myself ;) she was ridiculously active yesterday but so far is very quiet today.
 
Emerald - I'm the exact same, I obsess and its got my OH worried to the point of him wanting me to seek help. But I don't tell him the main parts, like I'm even thinking of opting for a section JUST so I've more chance of a live birth (no cord round neck, meconium in lungs etc) when in theory, I'm all for natural birth away from a hospital because I don't trust hospitals. Ive not even had any bloods taken this pregnancy (I can't stand needles, actual phobia not just a dislike) and also because I want to leave it to fate what happens and not go through so much before she gets taken away.

I feel like I'm going through the motions, I cringe when people say they are excited for me to have her and I feel it's worse knowing gender now as its my precious little girl that I may lose and never get back again. I keep receipts for everything we buy, what if we end up not needing them? My OH gets v upset when I talk like this but I can't help it, I truly don't believe we will have a live child at the end of all this :cry:
 
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