OH and TTC

[Rumpskin]

Hi girls

I am now back in the running after a m/c in January.

My OH and I had problems in December and I ended up staying with my parents over Christmas. I returned home on New Years Eve.

OH was not happy with the news of my pregnancy but decided that he wanted us both home. Sadly, m/c happened a few days later.

AF has been and gone and we BD in the first time since m/c as midwife told me to wait 3 months (dont think so!). Pre BD, I had stringy clear cm. Must be O time.

To cut a long story short, we are not using BC and OH is withdrawing at crucial point of which I am not happy about. He does not want me to get pregnant again (he has kiddies from a previous marriage) but he is also not stopping it from happening.

He knows how much I want children.

We are so much closer since we split and dont want this to happen again. I cant imagine my life without children.

Has anyone fallen pregnant from the withdrawal method?

 

[EllaCruz]

It is possible. My friend did, but sadly, I do not think that that is the issue here.

I do not know you, so I am not in a position to say, so tell me to shut up if you like, but if your OH does not want a child then why is he not taking precautions against it?

If you were to fall pregnant again, would he be "not happy" again? And, if that is the case, then is that the correct environment to bring a child into?

You need to find out EXACTLY what he wants, because he is sending out mixed messages here. On one hand, he is unhappy about a potential pregnancy but on the other he is doing nothing to prevent one from occurring.

You really do need to clear the air before you do anything about TTC. I understand about you not wanting to live your life without children but, if he does not want any more then is that fair on him?

But, then, also, he is not being fair on you. It is borderline teasing. He knows what you want, makes it clear he does not want the same yet does nothing to prevent it. That's a mindfuck if ever I heard of one. So, please, please, do yourself a favour and clear things up before you end up with a stress filled pregnancy that only one of you wants. I have seen it happen. It was not a pretty sight, and I would not want anybody to go through that

Am terribly sorry for your M/C. Must have been awful.

 

[Rumpskin]

Thanks Ellacruz for your input.

I totally agree. I am not sure what his problem is really. Like you said, he should be more responsible. I have told him if he does not want more children, he should have a vacestomy but you know what men are like about doctors, etc.

When I was pregnant, he made it clear although he did not want another child, when it arrived he would love it as much as he loves his children (he worships his youngest).

I know we have to clear the air but I dont want to loose him or the chance to get pregnant with his child.

Life sucks

 

[jo27]

You're in a really difficult position, i agree i think you both need to be clear if he doens't want any more children and you do it's not something you can compromise on you may have to decide what to do in the long term can you stay with someone who is telling you he doesn't want children?

 

[Rumpskin]

Hi Jo

It is a very difficult position to be in. We both knew how the other one felt when we met but we never addressed it from the start. Stupid really.

I know that we are both being irresponsible. If a pregnancy occured, the baby would be so loved by both of us. Hopefully it will be together.

Weird thing is that I had a medium reading yesterday and she told me that my OH did not want to be a father again but I would conceive in July/October if he compromised.

I cant think straight at the mo what with mc still in the back of my mind.

xx

 

[anita665]

I agree with EllaCruz. If he doesn't want to TTC at the moment then he needs to make that clear to you and not use the withdrawal method! He needs real contraception or it's your relationship he's putting on the line.

My OH was terrified of having kids after his daughter who came along when he felt he was too young, to the point he couldn't often get to that crucial moment of releasing the swimmers! He told me for this reason with his exes, he rarely used contraception. One ex apperently just tracked her cycles and said she knew when was ok and when wasn't - but thats not a very safe method if you really don't want kids. Say she'd become stressed or ill and ovulated at a different time!!

It makes it less likely you'll get pregnant using the withdrawal method but it's definatly possible as swimmers get away in the fluid which comes out prior to the main event. Thousands of swimmers in every drop. Sounds like some sort of health food!

I guess you just need to think about whether you're happy to get pregnant possibly against your OH's wishes, wait for him to be ready or possibly accept the two of you don't want the same thing and figure out where to go from there.

Good luck. It must be terrible to be in that situation, wanting a baby so badly. I really hope your OH comes round to the idea!

 

[jo27]

yes maybe he will come round you probably just need some time to get your head round it after what you've been through x

 

[Vickie]

I'm sorry but I have to agree with the others here. The two of you have some serious talking to do before you have children. It sounds as though he's not sure if he wants more children or not, and you really do want children of your own, not bad things in their own right but the two conflict greatly with each other. If you do fall pregnant again he may resent you or even the child. Best to clear the air between you and decide what you both really want before bringing a child into the relationship. Good luck I hope it all works out for you.