OH doesnt want to try again

[sassy_k83]

Hi Girls, I need to rant im afraid ever so sorry : (

Just when I thought I was back on form as Ive had a loveley weekend with the OH and our lil girl, he decides to drop a bombshell on me this morning.

I told him that when I get my next AF I would like to ttc again an obviously I asked if this is was what he wanted also?

He said that after everything that has happened he has had time to reflect and doesn't think a baby right now is for the best?.... I am completely gobsmacked! and incredibly hurt. I had no idea this is how he felt and now Im wondering if he put it on so I wudn't be upset. Im trying so hard not to sound selfish and I know that this has happened to him too but I couldn't help but think, could he care any less that ive lost something that was supposed to be dear to us even if it was for a few brief days?...... I hope that this isn't the case and that he did infact want to conceive.

I have no idea what to even say to him, I fear if I do I will breakdown.

 

[pennypoptart]

Hun, so sorry to read this. Maybe he was saying it to protect you... I think he is probably just worried about the possibility of you having to go through this again.

However, you need to explain to him, that the chances of it happening again, are as slim as they were the first time. There isn't an increased risk from having one previous m/c.

I'm sure if you explain how important it is to you, that he may think otherwise. It's worth a shot?

big sweets x

 

[rachjim98]

It is a shock when you think you are both on the same page and then find out your actually on 2 different chapters.
Was it a battle to get him to agree to the last one? I am sure it is just not wanting to go through the loss again.
Maybe ask him to do some research with you or show him the MC research at the top of this section... It is very helpful information.
Men are funny creatures.. They like their lives with as little trouble and stress-free as possible. Just give him some time he may change his mind.. Rant all you want it kinda feels nice huh..

In the mean time take care of yourself

 

[sassy_k83]

It is a shock when you think you are both on the same page and then find out your actually on 2 different chapters.
Was it a battle to get him to agree to the last one? I am sure it is just not wanting to go through the loss again.
Maybe ask him to do some research with you or show him the MC research at the top of this section... It is very helpful information.
Men are funny creatures.. They like their lives with as little trouble and stress-free as possible. Just give him some time he may change his mind.. Rant all you want it kinda feels nice huh..

In the mean time take care of yourself

To be honest when I fell pregnant with my lil girl who will be 2 in Aug, that was very unexpected and caused lots of friction between both sides of the family, mine were happy and supportive and his desperatley wanted me to have a termination, but when she was born all settled and she has both sets of very loving grandparents. But this was a huge strain on our relationship on may occasions so i can understand why he is apprehensive.

We had discussed having one more child and it was very exciting as it was something we both wanted and this time it would be a joyous occasion, one where the family would celebrate. Thats not to say when I had my little girl that I wasnt happy, but it wasn't under the same circumstances.

I will try to talk to him but as you say men are very odd creatures and I find it really difficult to find out what he's trying to say to me.

 

[sassy_k83]

Well I tried to speak to him last night, got very little response and I think I just saw red!!! I had had enough and told how cruel i thought he was being even if it was not intentional. I explained how much I needed him the last two weeks and how hard ive found it to cope expecially as ive got my lil girl who is 18months and so obviously very testing.

I think he took this badly but it wasn't my intention to make him feel like the bad guy but I told him how much it hurt when he goes to work all day in the week but comes back and goes out again?! (this didn't stop just because I was miscarrying ) he continued to do what he wanted with very little thought for me.

Well last night was the nail on the head for me, he then said very coldly that "it looked like I got over it quick enough, so it couldnt have been that terrible" I couldn't even reply. Felt like my heart had been ripped out. Then he went to bed like it was no big deal.

I ended the relationship today, he seemed more bothered that I ended it than saying sorry for the hurtful thing he said.

I feel completely broken, surely if he cannot understand, who can.

 

[mazza2003]

I am so sorry. I would have to say his behaviour has been so unreasonable and it would appear that his priorities are confused.
I hope you can work through this, however not at the expense of not getting the love and support that you deserve.

I can truly understand how broken you feel, be strong for both yourself and your wee girl.
XXXXXX

 

[babybuffy84]

Oh Sassy,

Am so sorry to hear this,am sorry it has turned out like this but if he cant give you the support you need and be there for you then he doesnt deserve it.But i know this wont make things any easier for you and am sure it will be hard hopefully you will work through this and maybe he will listen now that it has got to this point.
Will just send you a ton of am thinking of you xxx

 

[rachjim98]

Oh my I bet you are a mess.

I am so sorry that this has happened. I expect this has been boiling for sometime even before the MC. The MC just opened you eyes a little wider. I hope he realizes what he has lost and comes crawling back begging for your forgiveness. Maybe this will get him to put his ducks (priorities) in a roll and in the right order!

I hope you are doing OK, under the circumstances.

Thinking of you

 

[Aria]

Losing babies is often just as hard for men as for women. Not wanting to try again (at least right now) is very likely his way of preserving his heart for the time being. He can't handle the possibility of another just yet. Give him some time. He needs to heal a bit.