Hello ladies for those who have follwed my posts. I had said that since my m/c in october my partner had been ever so cruel about it all to me. And how we where no longer together.
Well last night i had popped round to see his mum. I had totally thought i was getting better at dealing with it. But when she started to ask me how i felt id relised id been keeping it locked up deep inside an not really allowed myself to grieve as i was also coping with the breakup. It all came spilling out and she had also been telling me that my ex had been acting more human an not so nasty an cruel to everyone aswel. She said he spoke to her for the first time. He is a typical man very little words with his own strong oppinions.
She said she had asked him how he was feeling an he told her in as few words as possible. That he had been blaming him self.
Cause when i first found out i was pregnant he wasnt happy at all. But then after 3 weeks he had finally started to come round. I lost the baby 3 days after he finally spoke to me that he was happy about our special little gift.
I got the chance to speak to him last night first time since 25th Oct my m/c was 23rd Oct. He looked so sad in his eyes when i seen him. Couldnt even look at me. After sitting with his mum and dad having dinner an a general laugh. I told him how bad he'd made me feel about it all. Told him that he had made the whole thing a nightmare for me. But i also listend to him saying that he feels terrible about how he acted an that he wasnt there for me. I told him how ill iv been about everything. He has been ill about it too. Looks thinner an quite depressed. He has been scared to contact me. I told him i wasnt scared of a fone call. I was scared he blamed me for what happend. I also made it clear to him that if he still wasnt prepared to allow me to cry an be angrey and down at times that i was still prepard to walk away an start to grieve properly on my own. But i also told him that i know he was grieving in a different way. The proccess in his mind started with anger where mine started with the feeling of loss. But through all this he just held me close tightly an that ment more than any words he could ever write or say to me.
We sat for hours having a long talk about all the things that could of been. And cried alot aswel. I was over come with so many emotions that i have been keeping locked up pretending i was getting by ok. When all i really needed was to be held an just be allowed to cry. It may have been 3 weeks late. And i will never forget how he treated me but i have allowed my self to forgive him.An now i feel i can finally start to grieve properly with him.
Thank you ladies so so much you have all helped me get by when im not sure with out this site what i would have been like. You were there in my time of need when i truly felt alone.
Its still a journey we must all go on though it is a journey much much unwanted. But its nice to at least know there are ladies on here who truly know how each other are feeling in these difficult times.
May all our little angels be happy. But missed a great deal. But also never forgotten.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well last night i had popped round to see his mum. I had totally thought i was getting better at dealing with it. But when she started to ask me how i felt id relised id been keeping it locked up deep inside an not really allowed myself to grieve as i was also coping with the breakup. It all came spilling out and she had also been telling me that my ex had been acting more human an not so nasty an cruel to everyone aswel. She said he spoke to her for the first time. He is a typical man very little words with his own strong oppinions.
She said she had asked him how he was feeling an he told her in as few words as possible. That he had been blaming him self.
Cause when i first found out i was pregnant he wasnt happy at all. But then after 3 weeks he had finally started to come round. I lost the baby 3 days after he finally spoke to me that he was happy about our special little gift.
I got the chance to speak to him last night first time since 25th Oct my m/c was 23rd Oct. He looked so sad in his eyes when i seen him. Couldnt even look at me. After sitting with his mum and dad having dinner an a general laugh. I told him how bad he'd made me feel about it all. Told him that he had made the whole thing a nightmare for me. But i also listend to him saying that he feels terrible about how he acted an that he wasnt there for me. I told him how ill iv been about everything. He has been ill about it too. Looks thinner an quite depressed. He has been scared to contact me. I told him i wasnt scared of a fone call. I was scared he blamed me for what happend. I also made it clear to him that if he still wasnt prepared to allow me to cry an be angrey and down at times that i was still prepard to walk away an start to grieve properly on my own. But i also told him that i know he was grieving in a different way. The proccess in his mind started with anger where mine started with the feeling of loss. But through all this he just held me close tightly an that ment more than any words he could ever write or say to me.
We sat for hours having a long talk about all the things that could of been. And cried alot aswel. I was over come with so many emotions that i have been keeping locked up pretending i was getting by ok. When all i really needed was to be held an just be allowed to cry. It may have been 3 weeks late. And i will never forget how he treated me but i have allowed my self to forgive him.An now i feel i can finally start to grieve properly with him.
Thank you ladies so so much you have all helped me get by when im not sure with out this site what i would have been like. You were there in my time of need when i truly felt alone.
Its still a journey we must all go on though it is a journey much much unwanted. But its nice to at least know there are ladies on here who truly know how each other are feeling in these difficult times.
May all our little angels be happy. But missed a great deal. But also never forgotten.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
