Oh gee, I'm stuck. TTC..

[nightkd]

Okay.... Well, we were meant to be waiting until NEXT christmas, eg 09. Now OH has said we can start trying THIS christmas if I want to.

I asked him if HE wanted to, or if it was just because he thought it would make me love him.... He said he wanted something to work towards and to have something he could work FOR eg a baby, it would give him another reason to live and the opportunity to achieve for a 'cause' as it were.

Am I ready for this?

I know I really really want a baby right now, but I'd just decided that I might set our date back another year or at least a few months....now that he's offering me this, I just don't know. I feel excited because I could have what I want NOW, rather than waiting.....but am I really really ready?

What do I do???!!

 

[Sam86]

Maybe if you have to think "am i ready?".. maybe that kinda means you aren't.
Ya know?

If he says he wants to try now if you want to too, then why don't you just wait a few more months and think about it. At least now you know its you you're waiting for, not him anymore
xx

 

[nightkd]

Yeah, that's a good point. I just...I don't know if I am ready, or if I'm just worried about not being ready, but actually am?? Eeeeeeeeehhhhh!!!!

I'm most worried about getting pregnant quick and still being stuck at home with my mum. I'd much rather KNOW we've got a house at least, so when I tell her it won't be "I'm pregnant and I have nowhere else to go, so I'm reliant on you to a point." I need it to be "I'm pregnant, but we're independant and we have a place to raise our baby."

This seems intelligent enough. Right?

I just think I'm ready for a baby...but possibly not for a child. I could cope with baby, but then a baby grows up and when it's grown up I'll still have to automatically be ready for a child. If you see what I mean. And babies just need to be cared for and looked after. Children need to be stimulated and given lots of attention and everything..... (Obvo babies do too, but not to the same extent/way as a child).

I suppose it's a better position to be in. OH says we could just "try it" for christmas and if we get pregnant, it happens. If not, we wait a bit longer. =/ I'm not even sure I'm ready for THIS.. Wahhhhh!!! I just don't want to miss the opportunity! But I don't want to make a decision I'm going to regret when I get that second line.... I know I won't regret my baby, but just regret all the things I could've done before we started adding to the brood.

xxxx

 

[m_t_rose]

If you are still living at home with your mom then no you probably aren't ready and it wouldn't be fair to put the extra pressure on her. Or if you are already pregnant when you move out then if you find living with OH doesn't work you are still kinda stuck. I would say you should first work for the house then once you are on your own for a few months then START trying for a baby. I never knew how hard it was living with my DH until we did it. Everyone said it would take some getting used to but until you have done it you can't be sure how much strain it is going to put on your relationship. Before you bring a baby into this work your should make sure you are stable enough on your own. Living away from parents is exausting with expenses and bills and keeping the house tidy and cooking every meal it is hard.

An extra thing to keep in mind is you will want to have time to enjoy living on your own with OH before the stress of a baby is brought in. I never realized how much I loved having alone time with DH until I had to move back in with my parents until our house was finished being built. I know what it is like being broody but think from the logical side... if a friend of yours was trying to get pregnant and she was in the same situation you are would you tell her she is ready to try?

 

[nightkd]

If you are still living at home with your mom then no your probably aren't ready and it wouldn't be fair to put the extra pressure on her. Or if you are already pregnant when you move out then if you find living with OH doesn't work you are still kinda stuck. I would say you should first work for the house then once you are on your own for a few months then START trying for a baby. I never knew how hard it was living with my DH until we did it. Everyone said it would take some getting used to but until you have done it you can't be sure how much strain it is going to put on your relationship. Before you bring a baby into this work your should make sure you are stable enough on your own. Living away from parents is exausting with expenses and bills and keeping the house tidy and cooking every meal it is hard.

An extra thing to keep in mind is you will want to have time to enjoy living on your own with OH before the stress of a baby is brought in. I never realized how much I loved having alone time with DH until I had to move back in with my parents until our house was finished being built. I know what it is like being broody but think from the logical side... if a friend of yours was trying to get pregnant and she was in the same situation you are would you tell her she is ready to try?

I've been living with my OH practically since we started going out over 1 year 8 months so I defo know what it's like to live with him. We've holidayed on our own, lived on our own for extended periods and we ALWAYS cook our own meals. We work amazingly well together on our own, that's one of the great things about our relationship. OH enjoys cooking, cleans and tidies. I enjoy doing these things in moderation and keep everything clean and tidy when we're on our own. My mum is incredibly immature and the house is only ever a complete mess when she's here... When she's not, OH and I agree to tidy a room each, clean and then while one gets on with the next room, the other makes tea...etc etc. So definately work and would work MUCH better in our own place.

This is the other thing, I would like to have that time just working together in our own place, enjoying having the space to ourselves.

I just wouldn't be able to cope with my mum being a silly immature bitch if I got pregnant and still had to live around her. She's bad enough now. It probably wouldn't be fair on her, but my main worry is her taking control which is why I'd rather KNOW there was a place of our own....

Why won't my OH get off his arse and get a job??!!!

xx

 

[Nik_]

I personally think it would be smart if you waited until both you and your OH have jobs and a place of your own. That way you'll be more stable and won't have to rely so heavily on your parents.

 

[eclipse]

I'm jumping in the middle of this because I can, and that's the type of girl I am
My humble opinion is to wait a few more months, see if his job situation gets fixed, try to get your own place. The less stress on you when you do ttc, the better. If you try now, you will have all these worries in the subconscious, and it may impede your efforts. There is a reason you aren't jumping for joy and tackling him right now, I think you need to listen to it, give it a few more months for more stability, then go for it. Good luck to you and I hope this helps a bit.

 

[dizzy65]

do what ever u think u are ready to do

 

[celine]

Go halfway, instead of waiting a year or starting at christmas time, wait 6 months
I honestly think tho if ur oh wants something to work towards...shouldnt he find a job?

 

[Booksmart]

I agree with Celine, maybe wait 6 months. I also think that it would make you less stressed if you waited until you had jobs and a place of your own, it would make life so much easier. I hope this helps!

 

[nightkd]

Yeah. I made the point last night about him saying "If we have a baby it'll give me a reason to work etc etc and achieve things etc etc" and I was like "So, you don't want to achieve for me? Or help me work towards getting a house? That's not reason enough?"

Blah. Maybe he'll put more effort into it when I start working. Or at least make some money off of crafty things at home.

I got a phone call today from a lady at the JCP saying she was starting to assign people to available jobs and where would I prefer to work!

I'd really like to do as OH said and just 'try' at christmas...if we got preg though, I'd already be showing greatly when I start work in April and have to take maternity leave only a few months into my new job. I'd also miss out on our next trip to Amsterdam.. OH was conceived around xmas/new year time, so baby could have same birthday! LOL!

Might consider changing our TTC date. Maybe start around my birthday or something, maybe a few months after. It's nice at the moment because I can just say "Let's TTC now!" That's what's bugging me. I don't want to lose OH's enthusiasm on the subject!!

Wahh! I'd honestly be over the moon to get a BFP for christmas/new year, but then the excitement would wane and I'd start worrying about how I'd tell people etc.

I'm most worried about being judged or people I went to school with being abusive. I wouldn't CARE, but I'd perhaps be a little scared as some of them are dumb and have been known to be violent. And these are people my OH's friends sometimes hang out with. Meh. I don't want people to think we were just being immature teens and didn't use protection so our baby was an 'accident'. But I just feel so excited about the prospect..

xxx