OH is really annoying me ......

[rachlouise25]

i guess this is a pointless post really

but to be frank im really p****d off with my oh ,we got a 9 month old lil boy and we agreed because i am 24 weeks pregnant that every other morning one of us will get up with the baby so i get to have some rest too ,as at the moment im feeling extremley exhausted

well this morning i asked him would he get up with baby cos he was crying and for me to have a lie in just for once ,well he went into my lil boys room and gave him a dummy and got into bed went straight back to sleep.well i could still here my baby grizzly ,so i asked him twice would he get up with him but nothing he ignored me ....

i know it sounds pathetic but we really not getting on latley i do all the washing all the cooking look after our son and he does bugger all basically hes sat on his ass from morning till night on his laptop ,

im beggining to wonder do i love him anymore hes just so god dam lazy and its getting me so down ,dont get me wrong i do like doing the house work and i do love my lil boy more than anything ,but im sure sometimes im entitled to a break .......

im really scared now as i got to have planned c section on this baby as far as i know cos i had previous emergancy c section and im scared that im gonna make myself ill if i dont take things easy

i just dont know what to do anymore

 

[Hoolie]

It is really hard to keep going when your pregnant.

I'm also finding it very difficult. Some days feel insurmountable. I crave a proper lie in and a day off but that is not going to happen. Every task feels like hard work.

One way we're coping is to have a sleep during the day. So if we are both off work, then one will have a lie in in the morning (well kind of, to maybe 8.30 instead of 5.30) and the other will have a sleep in the afternoon.

But having said that we're both still tired and burnt out and over the last 3 years we've come to accept that being sleep deprived, tired and pushed to the limit is part of being a parent to a young child (our little girl is now 3). Now I'm pregnant though, it seems so much harder and I'm only 22 weeks so it's going to get worse. We just tell ourselves that we'll get through it because we always do.

Men seem to take longer to respond to a baby/child crying when asleep than women. What happens here is that I mostly get up as I hear her first but we make up for this with the sleeps during the day and I go to bed earlier. Perhaps if your OH struggles in the morning, he could do the bedtime routine and you could go to bed earlier.

Rest when you can, have some family time together on a day out (more difficult in winter I know) and let the housework go a little.

Alex

 

[rachlouise25]

hi hun thanks for your reply ,i just wished he would help but then i got to keep nagging asking more than once ,he sits on his laptop from time he wakes up in the morning till he goes to bed ,now thats what gets to me ,he wont do anything at all.....

ive tried with the routine asking him for us to take it in turns he says he will help but when it comes to it he doesnt ,i think he says he will to stop me nagging at him ....

im just stuck in a rut at the moment i feel very much like a single parent doing it all ,im really considering leaving as i know its not going to get any better and i think i will be beter off on my own with my babys as im doing all of it now

 

[Hoolie]

That does sound like you're not getting any support.

Have you tried delegating. It can be hard to do if it's not in your nature to do. I find it hard but it does work. Rather than asking before the taks needs doing, you could delegate through the day in a constructive way. That may work.

So you could ask say "You bath the baby, while I make tea"..that kinda thing. That seems to work better as it's a specific request at the time it needs doing and also as you are occupied doing something else, you can't bath the baby at the same time so that leaves the onus on your OH. I find that if you do this regularly then it soon becomes the natural thing that you make tea for instance and oh baths the baby. You may find that if you do this with anumber of tasks that your OH feels more involved and naturally starts to be more in tune with your LO's needs.

Alex

 

[im_mi]

Oh dear

I have very, very little sympathy for men who do sweet F*** all all day and expect the woman to do everything. My husband works 50 hours a week and is still a really hands on dad. I get lie-ins, day time naps, dinners cooked for me etc. Your OH has no excuse to not get off of his bum and help you out a bit.

Sit him down and explain in a really non-confrontational tone that you need some support, and that you feel very alone in your responsibility for the baby and the home. Explain that you are very tired and although you love looking after your son and your home, you are in need of a break and some support.

its no bloody wonder you are questioning your love for him, you might as well be a single mum by the sound of it

 

[im_mi]

and this might not make me very popular, but maybe if you leave it will shake him up a bit. Perhaps tell him that if you dont start getting some support you will leave, and if he doesnt shape up then do exactly what you said and leave. if he is worth anything he will beg and plead for you to come home and actually make an effort to change.

 

[Janidog]

Have you spoken to him about feeling that you and your boy would be better of without him seen as you're not getting the support you need. Maybe also let him know that you are falling out of love with him, as he is treating ypu like dirt. You need support not a hanger on

 

[rachlouise25]

thanks all for your support and kind words

ive spoken to my oh i sat down and basically cried he knew something was wrong i told him i felt like a single mum and if im feeling that way then i should be just that ,i told him that hes got to help me because we have a new baby on the way in just a few weeks time .i told him that hes got a month to buck his ideas up and to help me more ,hes promised me he would he says i mean the world to him but at the moment im finding it very difficult to believe

the lady who mentioned maybe asking him to bath the baby while i cook tea sounds like a good idea i will give that a go and see where i go from there ,anything is worth a go ......

so a month from now i will see how things work out thanks all for your replys they have really helped me a great deal xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[im_mi]

im glad you talked to him hun, i hope he sorts things out now good luck and keep us posted xxx

 

[Bingo]

I'm glad you were able to talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. I hope he makes immediate changes. There is no excuse especially as it sounds like he's not working so he should be sharing all the household tasks and looking after your DS. He should also be giving you extra breaks as you're pregnant. Maybe you could suggest that he takes your son to the park each day so you can have some 'you time' and it also gives them time on their own to bond.

 

[Las78]

Hun, I can totally understand how p****d off you feel, I would be too and in fact have been before. My OH is wonderful and does help but only after I gave him an ultimatum some years ago now and every now and again I still have to give him a kick up the A**(his words and his telling me to do it lol)

Basically when we got together I had my daughter who lived with us and his came round at weekends, they were both 4 so quite demanding. I never expected his help when it was just me and my daughter but when his came round he took it for granted that I would do everything for her too and stupidly I did for 2 years. We then had a LO together and it carried on, thats the point where I lost the plot and told him that if he needed to be more of a father to his kids and help out otherwise I didn't see the point of being in a relationship with him as I was being a single mum I may as well be one properly - we had a huge row about it but I stuck to my guns, I'd had more than enough at this point. About 3 days later he came round and admitted he had been in the wrong all along and that things would change and they did. Every now and again he has lapses but I soon tell him that if he wants to treat me as a single Mum I will simply be one properly. Unfortunately I'm not one who can keep quiet about things anymore, I say what I think and it may not always go down well but if I don't I just end up resenting him for it and I've been there before in a relationship, I want this one to be different.
I know I probably sound like a b**** to him but it's not like that at all, they are his kids too and he needs to take responsibility for them as well, I go out to work all day just like him and do my bit around the house so why shouldn't he? It's 2010 not 1950 lol.
I think you just have to be straight to the point with them hun, if you mean to them as much as they say you do they will do something about it and if not then you know where you stand and can move on to a better place.

Hope it all works out xx

 

[rachlouise25]

thanks ladies well i was suprised yesterday evening i cooked food and then went up my mums and told him to wash dishes clean kitchen as the baby would be in bed ,i came home the kitchen was sparkling and he had actually put the hoover around

i dont know if it will last or not but i really hope it will ,hes also went to sign on yesterday too at last as the past few months we been living on my money ,so maybe now after all my feelings have been let out i just hope he will stick to his and want to be a family and help xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Las78]

I'm glad for you that he's making an effort hun x