On the road again graduates

[Carybear]

Awww... Topanga I'm so happy for ya. Your DH sounds a lot like mine and I know that next to holding my rainbow the second best thing will be watch Dh's face.

So happy she's here and doing great! I second left! Can't wait to see pictures.

I hope you heal quickly!

 

[Starry Night]

Left - sounds like you're having the quiet before the storm. Things can change so quickly at this stage. I had no signs of labour with DS but then on his due date I had bloody show and then started to contract semi-regularly every 5 to 45 minutes (but mostly in the 5 to 20 min range) for the next several days and he was born 4 days later.

 

[skyesmom]

sorry for the change of mood ladies, but i need to vent somewhere...

...just came back from a get together with friends and working colleagues who all have babies/newborns/children under 5-6 except of me. OH couldn't make it because he was stuck at work ;/

some of the ladies are pregnant again, others are planning to conceive and so on and that was THE topic of the evening. it was all fine for me until they started asking me when are we finally gonna have a baby (virtually all of them know i've had losses), and is it coming soon and whatnot. some even jokingly said i should "hurry up"... i KNOW they didn't mean it in a wrong way and that no one meant to hurt me.
none of them has experienced a loss and they all got all of their children easily, and they have no idea how it feels, how it feels to be the only childless person in the room, with all those beautiful babies who adore you, with all their comments on conceiving again, with all their benevolent comments on what an amazing mom would i make as all their children love me.

i felt so so helpless without OH there when they started asking questions when and if we're trying. i just wish he were there to tell them that we're taking our time with it and that it's a bit of a sensitive topic to me.

and then i just left early, i couldn't take it anymore. it was all fine, the talks, the babies, the undefined answers i sort of avoided giving, until one point when i just felt so so out of place there, like the only lost sad soul in the middle of a party. and it just reminded me in that moment, while being so isolated from the world around me, how big is the hole in my heart for my son who is not here in my arms now.

sorry for this rant really, i just need to get it out of my system and i know you ladies will understand. thank you so so much for being there and for withstanding all this.

 

[Starry Night]

I'm sorry they were so insensitive. And it was true insensitivity because they know of your history. Of course they will be excited about their own pregnancies but it's good to remember the childless women in the room too.

After my first loss, we were at a family reunion and, other than my best friend/cousin who is single, we were the only childless couple, and one evening everyone was complaining about the travails of parenthood and one of them said to us "you're lucky you don't have kids yet". I could have forgiven them if they hadn't known about the m/c but they did. I immediately left, went into the car and sobbed my eyes out for an hour. I should have found out the gender just before that reunion and that milestone was sitting very rough to begin with. It took me a LONG time to forgive them. Thankfully, I no longer remember which one made the comment so I can't harbour a grudge.

I think people usually just forget themselves and don't mean to be insensitive but it still hurts. I would have walked away too.

 

[Left wonderin]

Oh Sky I'm so so sorry you had to experience that . Its just awful it magnifies all the feelings you already have around ttc . I know people just don't think before they speak sometimes and maybe it's because of our experiences but I would always try remember that there are possibly some people having a tough time of it .

Sending you lots of hugs xxxxxx xxxxx

 

[anchor08]

Skye, I am so sorry! I'm glad you're able to vent here, it's exactly what we're all here for -- ups and downs at every stage. I am sending you a big hug. It sounds like you were very gracious under the circumstances so well done, but I hope you don't have to face that again. I hate how we have to go through the pain of loss and also do the hard work of dealing with that kind of nonsense. I know people often mean well (or at least don't mean ill), but why can't they do the work of trying to understand us for once?

I hope that's not too rant-y, I haven't had the best day. E is almost 3 months and I'm getting so fed up with still recovering and not having energy. I can barely keep up with taking care of her when I'm on my own, let alone get us out of the house and actually do something fun (or heck, grocery shop!). I had a lot of help from my husband for the first six weeks, then we had family visit (which was sometimes helpful and sometimes exhausting), and now I feel like my energy has tanked again and I'm on my own, sometimes for full days and overnights since my husband has to travel for work. I really want to enjoy my beautiful, sweet baby (who hates being put down for more than a few minutes, she just loves me so much!) but honestly it's really hard right now.

But somehow in the midst of all that, it's still wonderful. Topanga, you must be experiencing those extremes now! Congratulations!!! I can't wait to see pictures. I'm so glad to hear that your relationship with OH is strengthened by the birth. It is an amazing transformation that all three of you go through as a family, so special!

 

[skyesmom]

awww Starry thank you so much for your post
i also think it just slipped their minds as the general atmosphere was uplifting and relaxed so it's even harder for them to associate that to a loss, or even me to a loss as i am rarely in a bad mood even when i'm depressed... so now after 2 years from the loss i don't hold grudges either and am way better with brushing it off in a short time but still... cried my eyes out on the way home.

luckily my OH came home shortly after i've posted and he was amazing.

 

[skyesmom]

oh and Left and Anchor posted in the meantime as i was replying to Starry! THANK YOU so so so much ladies!!! sometimes just a bit of understanding from someone somewhere on this planet can do so much and heal so much.. thank you.

it means the world to me!

 

[Starry Night]

anchor - That first year after a baby can be so tough--physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes it just takes awhile to figure out a routine and for our bodies to get used to the new way of life. And you went through major surgery. I remember it took me several months after my c-section to feel 100% like myself. I have heard it's normal to feel 'off' for about 6 months after major surgery. Try not to be too hard on yourself if some days you are only able to care for E and the rest gets put to the side. I watched lots of movies in the beginning as DS fussed in my arms or babbled in his bouncey seat at my feet.

Even after I felt better I made DS my priority as I figured what is he going to remember: a sparkling house or a mommy who read to him and played with him? And never mind little ones need chasing and know how to undo everything you just did.

About 6 months after my section I went for a massage and that really helped me in feeling good too.

 

[Starry Night]

Double-posting to bump up with a (post) V-day bump photo! I was looking at a photo from 25 weeks with DS and I am a lot smaller this time. Still gaining weight like crazy though.

 

[Left wonderin]

Congratulations on V day and on your courage to keep going in the past despite all you had to go through . It all was leading to this Rainbow your bump is adorable maybe as you a carrying a girl this time its a different shape ?

 

[rayraykay]

Ahhh so much to reply to!!!

Topanga.. beautiful birth story. Isn't pitocin LOVELY?!! It really makes contractions so fast and furious. You were smart to get the epi right away.. I didn't. It was awful for about 2 hours. Then mine stopped prettty much at all while I pushed! Felt everything. Ugh, so worth it tho right?? Your DH sounds like an angel. Enjoy every second. It has been the greatest joy of my life- to see my DH with our daughter. It's an amazing gift. I hope the transition home has gone well. I hope she's eating well and you are healing well! It gets better every day, I can tell you that. I can say that 7 weeks PP... my vagina is finally feeling normal again. It took until about week 4/5 for it to really feel okay again. Hang in there. Just take it very easy! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

Skye- I am so sorry about your experience. I have come to find that people don't really know what to say unless they've been through it. A miscarriage is a uniquely painful experience... I honestly think that people just flat out don't know what to say. Even though your friends didn't mean anything by it... it's still so painful and you would think they would know telling someone whos had losses to "hurry up" isn't a smart idea at all. But alas, if you haven't felt a loss, it's hard to fathom.

Starry!! Cute pic! You look fabulous!!!

Aww Anchor. I am sorry it's been tough so far. Recovering from major surgery and having a brand new baby.... I can't imagine. It seems there are so many pros and cons to vaginal vs c section. I can't believe she's 3 months old!! Time flies. Sending you love and thinking of you.

Left- I am sorry there aren't any labor signs yet! Just remember it can start anytime even with no signs. Ya never know, it could happen tomorrow! I am so excited for you, you are so close to meeting your rainbow boy!! YAY!

Sending you all love! You are all amazing!

 

[Starry Night]

Congratulations on V day and on your courage to keep going in the past despite all you had to go through . It all was leading to this Rainbow your bump is adorable maybe as you a carrying a girl this time its a different shape ?

According to the ultrasound we are getting our little princess. I have already spent a small fortune on clothes. (My mom has emailed me photos of the stuff she bought and she has gone nutty too, lol) I have also bought 2 new sets of crib sheets as after nearly 3 years of use my son has really soiled the ones we already have. It's a good excuse to get girly ones. The nursery is gender neutral but girly accents will be nice. I also bought a nursing cover. It was only $8 so if nursing is a bust again I won't feel like I wasted a lot of money on a more pricey/designer one.

I hope your DS decides to come in a timely manner. Isn't your official due date next week? I know with my DS I had no signs anything was happening when I suddenly had bloody show on his exact due date and he was born 4 days later. It can happen that quickly.

EDITED TO ADD: here is my 6 month bump photo from DS. You can see the difference...

 

[Carybear]

Starry... Congrats on V-Day!!!! So happy for ya.

Skye... So sorry to hear about what you went through. I completely understand as I hear all about everyone's children and how tired they are of them and everything every day at lunch. Three days after my mc I actually had someone tell me, "Well, this was a trial run... The next one will last until the end..." I was like what??? Are you kidding me??? My baby was not a trial run...

People can be insensitive and while I'm sure they weren't doing it on purpose I wish people could understand that they need to take people's feelings into account.

Saying hi to everyone and looking forward to the next birth announcement Left!!!

 

[Starry Night]

I can't believe someone called your baby a trial run.

Speaking of insensitive....last night I was talking to my family on Skype and my brother said I had no reasons to be worried and that I was looking for trouble and compared me to his hypochondriac wife who has never had anything but perfect pregnancies. He told me I was silly for worrying about DS being behind his milestones and that I had been looking for trouble. I'm sorry, but DS had issues with the placenta and I had impeded blood flow to whatever was left of the placenta that still worked and he was deprived of oxygen during delivery. OF COURSE I was going to be scared that there would be something wrong. DS seems quite healthy but he IS behind on milestones. Every one has been a fight and his doctor gets after us so I'm not "looking for trouble". I am so pleased with how healthy he is and I'm please with how well this pregnancy is going so far but I do feel my fears are understandable and certainly not "made up". I'm sure it's frustrating to live with such a severe hypochondriac who turns every rash into a serious illness/cancer but not everyone who is afraid is the same.

 

[Starry Night]

Getting a lot of stomach tightenings now and only lying down helps. I have to say I'm getting nervous! Baby is still moving well so I think she's OK. I have an appointment on Friday so really going to take it easy and make sure to drink loads until then.

 

[skyesmom]

oh girls! haven't logged on over the weekend and so so much has going on!! congrats on your V-day bump Starry, and thanks for posting a pic! you definitely look smaller than with DS! what a cute cute pink bump though! so happy to hear everything is going smooth... and sorry to hear your brother in law can be so insensitive. i guess people can't cope with those kind of thoughts and prefer sort of masking them away and sweeping the under a rug hoping they will disappear. :/

anyway, my OH was an angel over the weekend and made me forget the last week's events completely so... we'll have our angel back in our time

thank you so so much for your support girls, it is so much easier when someone understands you. and i know they didn't mean to hurt me, but sometimes i just can't not get hurt anyway, i think a part of me will always stay a bit sensitive on certain things.

and Cary i am sorry your baby was called a trial run!! that is insane.. and insensitive..and the worst thing is, it was meant to console you.

anyway, getting back to work on monday after a sweet sweet weekend with OH all alone... i think we really needed this after a hard core working january for both!

hugs to all of you ladies!

 

[Left wonderin]

Cary how awful for you some people just don't put their brain into gear before speaking ! Starry those tightenings are very very normal even more so at your stage , my advice get used to them !!!!!

AFM dd tommrow !! Quite can't believe I'm here !!! Anyway still waiting for mr Bowe to decide to make his arrival . Here I am with two of my dogs waiting for his arrival !! Oh and my 40 week bump !! I'm enormous !!

 

[Left wonderin]

A side view lol....

 

[Starry Night]

Left - you look tired and impatient but still so adorable! I love that top. And your puppies are so, so cute.

I remember going for a walk the evening before my son was born. We were still in a tiny rental house out in the countryside at the time and we had seen a deer and I was feeling all weird and bubbly and hyper...like loads of crazy energy....and I started throwing rocks and yelling just so I could see the deer run and flash it's white tail. (It was very far down the road so there was zero chance of me even getting close to it). It was kind of insane. I guess that was my nesting energy coming out in a very bizarre way. 12 hours later and we were on our way to the hospital.

I got a hold of my doctor's office today. Mine wasn't in so I spoke with another one and yeah, my tightenings are apparently BH. They have improved today and baby is moving very well so I'm trying to relax. They had gotten to the point where I had them even when sitting upright so I spent the past two days lying flat out. I plan on continuing to do that until my appointment on Friday.