Oops, did I do the wrong thing?

[brownhairedmom]

So my mother was speaking with Adam today, and he told her he wanted to drop by the middle of July. Mom told him that was my decision. So I called him and told him absolutely NOT and that there is no way in hell I even want to associate with him again, let alone actually see him in person. I sent him an e-mail explaining exactly why. Am I a horrible person? Should I try to meet up with him? I don't know what to do. I think if I do, it is going to end up in a big fight where I want to throw something at him. On the other hand, I guess it is an attempt that he wants to try, maybe. But then again, I'm not really pleased with talking about the baby on HIS time. What do I do?

 

[sam's mum]

No you didn't do the wrong thing at all - you need to do what you feel is best for you and your baby. If that means not spending time with him then he's going to have to deal with that. You've already explained why you don't want to see him (just read a couple of your threads and I don't blame you) - I'm sure he can say whatever he wants to by email as well. If this is him attempting to make an effort for the baby then he needs to do a hell of a lot more, and if it's something he wants badly enough then that should include giving you the space that you need.

Is there any reason for you to see him while you're pregnant? If he wants to be involved once your baby is born then you can discuss that when the time comes, but after what he's put you through you really shouldn't feel bad for asking him to stay away until then

 

[nikky0907]

From his previous behaviour I can't really see what good can come out of that little meeting.Is there a possibility that he actually is showing some emotion?

I can't tell you what to do,but wouldn't it be nice to meet with him sometimes (not this particular meeting,one arranged by you),just to see whats going on in his head? What is he thinking? If you meet in person (somwhere public so you don't end up killing each other and possibly not the zoo in case you feel like throwing him to the lions) you can't hang up or just turn your back.

Talking to him can maybe even help you to just lash out all your feelings...

Why don't you ask him sometime in July,August to meet with you? Then you'll be able to see if actually wants to meet on your terms,if he doesn't,then you can see that he hasn't gotten over his selfish ego-centric phase and if he does then this might be a chance for you two to get rid of all this anfer towards each other and for you to get some answers...

It's just an advice though babe.
I'm sure you'll do the right thing since you are the only person who knows whats best for her.

Big

 

[Younglutonmum]

From his previous behaviour I can't really see what good can come out of that little meeting.Is there a possibility that he actually is showing some emotion?

I can't tell you what to do,but wouldn't it be nice to meet with him sometimes (not this particular meeting,one arranged by you),just to see whats going on in his head? What is he thinking? If you meet in person (somwhere public so you don't end up killing each other and possibly not the zoo in case you feel like throwing him to the lions) you can't hang up or just turn your back.

Talking to him can maybe even help you to just lash out all your feelings...

Why don't you ask him sometime in July,August to meet with you? Then you'll be able to see if actually wants to meet on your terms,if he doesn't,then you can see that he hasn't gotten over his selfish ego-centric phase and if he does then this might be a chance for you two to get rid of all this anfer towards each other and for you to get some answers...

It's just an advice though babe.
I'm sure you'll do the right thing since you are the only person who knows whats best for her.

Big

Nikki you've taken the words right out of mouth

I also think you should perhaps meet him on your terms. Just give him the chance to explain. I gave my ex's mum a chance the other day. She totally messed up but at least I know for sure i've done the right thing.

Also if he just wants to talk about maintanance & perhaps access I feel this might be a better conversation to have before bubs is here rather than when you've had him. i know in my case I just wanted everything sorted before bubs arrived so we all knew were we stood

xxx

 

[brownhairedmom]

I don't think I'm going to see him. He can communicate with me in other ways than in person. I have a feeling it won't be so much about the baby as it will be about how its my own fault because I left him, etc etc. He seems to have taken a "this is your own fault and you brought this on yourself" stance the past few days.

 

[Younglutonmum]

Yeh that's true. With me though when it comes to really talking about what's going to happen I prefer to be face to face. It's easier fro me to suss out his feelings. Whereas behind email, txt etc I just don't have a clue what's going on in his tiny mind lol

 

[Rachiebaby24]

If i was in your shoes....i would say i would meet him under the condition that if it turns nasty then you will walk away and wont bother again. I think it may be good to try and see if you two can be civil with each other BEFORE the baby comes but you will not want the added stress after the baby is born to have to deal with him etc. If you two did work something out before the baby is born then it will make life easier for you two to be around each other when the baby is here.

Just make it clear that this is his one chance during your pregnancy to meet up and providing it goes ok and he is civil and you two talk and not shout/get nasty etc then other meetings may follow but that if he messes it up then its his loss!

i know your angry and upset with him but try and think of the baby - the better you two get on the better it is even if you arent together. If it doesnt work out at least you can say you tried at all times!

 

[mBLACK]

It's good that he called and is trying, aslong as he isn't acting like you should jump for joy at the thought of him walking back into your life again, you and the baby don't want to be his door mat. HE should be grateful, and I mean DAMN Grateful if you do meet up with him. I also echo what Rachie says - if things get nasty then just leave it at that!

 

[maybebaby]

I agree with the other girls... Only you can decide if this is a good idea or not. I completely understand why you would be less then thrilled to see him, so maybe you need to explain to him that if the negativity is to continue, that he shouldn't bother contacting you. If he wants to have an adult, honest conversation, he can start on the phone?