opinions plz-advice-help!!!

[*joy*]

have beeen very close/best friends with my mate since we were young.we are now both 32.she has a 22 month old ds and an adorable 11 week old.the problem is that for the last couple of weeks her 22 month old son keeps hitting my 3 year old constantly,at first we just dissmissed it,appart from she did tell him no,thats naughty,you must not hit ect but it is becoming more and more.my daughter does not hit him back,but she is very verbal and she says no,tells me and his mum ect.but i have to be honest it is starting to get to me.ive even stopped seeing them as much because i dont want his behaviour rubbing off on my daughter and i certainly do not want her being hit.im afraid that it is starting to effect our friendship,my friend does tell him off but he smack her in her face and even tries to headbutt her!we take the children to soft play together and hes hitting any/all of the children there also.my friend left early today because she couldnt take her eyes off him,he was hitting all the time.just going up to any child and lashing out for no apparent reason.i feel really bad for her she is sooooo stressed and she has only just had baby number 2-who is 11wks old. why is he doing this?

 

[Samantha675]

Sounds like he is wanting to get her attention, any attention is fine as long as it is on him. He is too young to understand that he must share his mother with the new baby. I don't know if she can make some time just for him, and see if that helps, and if his dad can do the same, that might help as well.

 

[Wobbles]

Oh boy!

Tricky! And the gap between her kids is close so I'm imagining its definately attention because he probably noticed all of a sudden new cooooo baby got attention! If you see what I'm saying! Thing is its not good if hes like that with 'Mum' too Has his Mum spoke to a GP about her sons outbursts I mean there 'can' be reasons from behaviour problems to hyper-active I think. No experience on the matter personally just some thoughts and/or possibilities.

I often think that other people should not tell or tap (no not smack just tap) the hand of another persons child unless told they can do so or a relative but I think there comes a point where you should be the one to say 'stop' in a deep NO tone & I think this would be one time - if you don't already.

I would also suggest to the Mum that son has Mum & me time - maybe a weekend where they can go do something together & Dad has youngest!

 

[*joy*]

thank you for your reply.my friend is at home with both boys and her hubby is in full time work.you could possibly be right that its for attention.i also think that its through frustration as he doesnt speak so cannot tell her how he feels also.

 

[sweetsammi]

Sounds like a jelousy thing, like he wants to get mummy's attention to me. Was he always like this? Or only since baby no.2 arrived? x

 

[*joy*]

since his brother arrived!

 

[Caroline]

It sounds like jealousy/ attention seeking.

Maybe she could try telling him NO then giving attention to the child he hit and ignoring him. That way he will see that it won't get him attention.

 

[mummyoffive]

i would think its definately think it was either attention or inconsistent parenting! if mum reacts in a different way each time it happens this would be confusing for him. I personally would take him to a calm area(a corner or outside the room ) each time he does it and then explain that its not nice and not acceptable to lash out. Its not magic and does require patience and back bone, but it does get results if used consistently EVERY time it happens. If mum is not havin any time wiv him 1 2 1 also should do even if its only 10 mins a day.xx