Other young children at the birth?

[anita665]

DS is 4 1/2 and has watched many rather graphic birth videos with me. Personally I think it's natural and not something scary so I don't see the problem. He's very laid back about it and had even asked me if he can be with me when his new brother is born.

As it's likely to be another home birth, I'm just wondering what others thought about this. I'm too worried to even suggest it to DH or the midwife because I don't know what the norm is with this kind of thing.

 

[Sommerfugl]

Most people seem to think that it's a bad idea, but I'm more than happy for my 3 year 7 month old daughter to be at my birth.(Of course I may change my mind when it actually happens) We've watched videos too and talked lots about pregnancy and birth and what happens. She understands a lot and doesn't seem put off by any of it. She keen to get in the birthing pool and 'help' the midwife 'get the baby out' :/ Chances are that she'll be asleep when it happens, but if she's up and I'm coping well (I wasn't a screamer with her so figure if my labour is similar it won't be traumatic for her to witness) then I'm happy for her to be around.

I think it's important to have someone there to help with the child if things don't go smoothly, for my daughter her dad will be here to look after her.
I guess you know your child and so have the best idea how they'll handle it.

I was half expecting to have an argument with the midwife over whether or not she was 'allowed' to be around, but she seemed ok with it, just mentioned having someone around for her if need be.

 

[aliss]

I'm going to take it as it goes. I will have someone around to care for him just in case, but depending on how my reaction is, I will allow him to join. As far as I remember, I was quite silent during his birth so if I am not screaming my head off, I will be happy to have him join.

My midwife recommends your other children are present, so that the baby is not just born to mother, but to "their family", and then family can move away so you can have the bonding/breastfeeding hour after to yourselves.

 

[MrsSmartie]

It's usually completely fine, just make sure there is somebody around to be with LO if they are tired and need to get away from it all, and make sure you talk about it a lot and explain about the pain being okay. It's only traumatic if they get frightened of your pain. I have a feeling you can buy a book for children about birth? Maybe google it xx

 

[ljo1984]

I had Imogen with me until I transferred, but if I got to stay at home she would have been there for the duration. I'm a quiet labourer do know she wasn't scared by anything she just played as normal and let me get on with it. I'd definitely have them there next time, obviously Imogen will be older and decide she doesn't want to. But she's watched alot of videos when I've had a look and isn't traumatised by them.

 

[elohcin]

Mine have been at my last two unassisted homebirths. My littlest one actually jumped into the tub with me after DS was born (much to my husbands manly disgust LOL). Before, I would have said I wouldn't have wanted them there, but having it said and done, I'm really happy they got to experience it. It wasn't really visual (I was upright with DS so they didn't see "anything", but it was just special that they got to see him come into the world.

That said, during the "depths" of labor I do like having someone to keep an eye on them. Overall they are fine, but they don't understand that I can't help them and answer all their questions.

 

[3porfavor]

My kids werent present but mainly due to him being born at 2am lol but they woke from him crying and came in to see him. They have also watched some documentaries involving birth and wasnt too phased by it.

 

[Guppy051708]

DS1 and my best friends son was there. (he is same age as DS-they were about 17 months at the time). Both did well. Best friends boy did well and didn't seem scared at all. He also napped a bit too. DS1 actually napped while i was giving birth. Then he woke up about 5 minutes after DS2 made his appearance. It worked out well.
We had no issues at all.

MW kept saying that second+ moms normally give birth at night because their bodies go into labor when they feel the most comfortable and their nerves are settled. It was true for us, bc i knew he would nap for 3-4 hours in the day like he always does.

 

[fifi-folle]

My son will be around, I'm hoping to give birth whilst he's asleep but I was quiet even when I was induced with him so I think a home water birth should be calm enough for him to be around. That said I have a couple of friends on call to take him if needs be.

 

[Guppy051708]

my water birth was directly above DSs bedroom..i am a screamer during labor super loud lol. And he never even noticed...was surprised bc i was worried about scaring him.

 

[elohcin]

I thought I would have the advantage of my kids being asleep when I went into labor in the middle of the night both times, but nope, each time they woke up and were WIDE AWAKE until they fell asleep for a nap the next day. LOL

 

[beetroot]

My 7yo son was at home when I gave birth to his sister. He was mainly in the other room watching tv but would pop in from time to time. He wasn't phased at all even though I was a LOT more vocal 2nd time around (contractions were way more intense!) He didn't stay in the birthing room, because, in his words, it smells of blood and poo! but he loved being there to meet his sister and help his dad clean up afterwards.

Lots of people tried to put me off having him there but I was confident in knowing my son and how he would cope with it! You probably do too. I did have my mum and sister there too so its good to have backup in case!

Good Luck!

 

[Guppy051708]

Honestly, i think it important that society start normalize birth. It starts with our kids. If they see it and grow up with it, then its normal to them and that normalization is just going to spread. I say, its a good thing.

 

[ljo1984]

There was a bit on a morning chat show (think it was Lorraine) a month or two back about a lady who had her children there and so many negative comments were on about it how it traumatises the children and crap like that. People who want their children there are most likely having a hb, and if at home your having a very natural and calm natural birth so why not make it a normal part of their lives to see their siblings being brought into the world. I'm gutted she wasnt with me when Freya was born, so next time round I really hope it works out as it'll probably be my last

 

[elohcin]

Honestly, i think it important that society start normalize birth. It starts with our kids. If they see it and grow up with it, then its normal to them and that normalization is just going to spread. I say, its a good thing.

Absolutely. Our culture is so backwards as it is. Expose our kids daily to sleezy clothing, sexually exposed body parts, etc, etc, but DO NOT tell them about the natural, MIRACULOUS process of birth for goodness sake!!!

Geez. My kids didn't even "see" exactly what happened because I was upright, but I am so glad they were there. I completely agree with normalizing birth. My last 2 have been unassisted and it was SO good for people like my mom and my grandma (who has never witnessed, but they come to my house afterwards) to see how normal and healthy birth can be. My grandma did a 180. I've always thought it would be cool to just randomly give birth at others homes (since I'm a quite, clean birther LOL) and give them a little idea of just how normal it really is. LOL

 

[Guppy051708]

elochin that is fab!!!!

Do you have a journal? We actually considered a free birth with DS2. We are hoping to get a soon. Unless i am truly on my death bed and/or the baby is, i refuse to go back to the hospital. My PP experience there (w DS1) was horrible and i had to fight for the birth that i got. BEing at home was the best thing for us and honestly if we couldn't afford the HB MW, i would chose freebirth any day! Anyways, if you have a journal, would love to follow!

 

[ljo1984]

Oooo me too I love UC journals. X

 

[elohcin]

I don't, I have my birth stories written up though.

 

[toosecat13]

Hi there, i had my 2nd daughter at home 5 years ago and it was a perfect birth.
I had my 3rd daughter at home in march this year and i wanted my 5 year old at the birth, she was brilliant and told the midwives that she was my birthing partner!!.I had been having mild contractions all day called the midwives in the evening as the contractions were 3 mins apart, they arrived 30mins later examined me only to find i was only 1cm which i couldnt believe as i was in as much pain as i was with my daughter 40 mins before i gave birth, anyway thankfully the midwives decided to stay 2 hours later i was still only 3cm and in alot of pain. My daughter then went to sleep couldnt keep her eyes open any longer and i suddenly went from 3cm to fully dilated and delivered my 3rd daughter in 40mins, The point i am trying to make is it was as if i was subconsciously holding back because my 5 year was about and i didnt want to scare her because i was in so much pain and dont let me put anybody off with the pain factor it was purely because baby was in the wrong position and was born with her hand up by her face!!.I am now pregnant again and will 100% be having another home birth, so yes i do agree with having your other children at the birth there is nothing more natural even if it did slow down my labour xx

 

[angiepie]

If your child is interested, I don't see why not! And if they don't want to be there, don't force them. It sounds like your DS is educated and so it won't be scary or anything negative. It's really just another fact of life for kids. They don't have the preconceptions surrounding birth like we do. So, with that said, I think it's a great idea. Good luck!