Ouch! What a comment!

[HearMyPrayers]

I was having dinner at my mom's last night, my niece was there and she was being all silly at the dinner table (She is 2) and we were all laughing about it, my step father said to my mother thank goodness your kids were house broken when we met LOL my niece was licking the table the little weirdo LOL! anyway....I said well just wait because the more grandkids you get the more you will see how funny/crazy kids can be! MY MOM SAYS!!(knowing full well our struggles and impending IUIs) Well I wont have to worry because by the time you have your kids I will be deaf, blind AND crippled so I wont even notice! OUUUUCH!!!

 

[oneday87]

ouch!
sorry you had to hear a comment like that. i think sometimes people dont realise how hurtful their comments can be. even the people clostest to us.

My mil said to me (she knows all about our troubles too) that we should ask to borrow bil and sil mattress and its seems MUCH luckier then ours! (bil and sil had just annoucned their bfp after coming off contracepion 8 weeks previously!!)
I was like thanks... i hadnt thought that it was my mattress causing the problems ill bring that up next time im at the hospital!!

sometimes i really wish there was a way they could understand but if its not something you have been through personally you just dont understand it. thats what i believe anyway.

: to you

 

[HearMyPrayers]

ouch!
sorry you had to hear a comment like that. i think sometimes people dont realise how hurtful their comments can be. even the people clostest to us.

My mil said to me (she knows all about our troubles too) that we should ask to borrow bil and sil mattress and its seems MUCH luckier then ours! (bil and sil had just annoucned their bfp after coming off contracepion 8 weeks previously!!)
I was like thanks... i hadnt thought that it was my mattress causing the problems ill bring that up next time im at the hospital!!

sometimes i really wish there was a way they could understand but if its not something you have been through personally you just dont understand it. thats what i believe anyway.

: to you

yuck that's just an ugly comment! I think they both drank from the same glass of stupid things to say!

I think I except the excuse that people don't understand unless they've been through it, but for you MIL and my mother, they should have an instinctual bone in their body to not say something like that! As mothers themselves they should always want to protect our feelings not try to hurt them.

It did hurt when my mom said that, and when I told my DH what she said, he wasn't at dinner with us he was working, he said "well it is taking a long time!"

 

[prayers12]

ouch!
sorry you had to hear a comment like that. i think sometimes people dont realise how hurtful their comments can be. even the people clostest to us.

My mil said to me (she knows all about our troubles too) that we should ask to borrow bil and sil mattress and its seems MUCH luckier then ours! (bil and sil had just annoucned their bfp after coming off contracepion 8 weeks previously!!)
I was like thanks... i hadnt thought that it was my mattress causing the problems ill bring that up next time im at the hospital!!

sometimes i really wish there was a way they could understand but if its not something you have been through personally you just dont understand it. thats what i believe anyway.

: to you

yuck that's just an ugly comment! I think they both drank from the same glass of stupid things to say!

I think I except the excuse that people don't understand unless they've been through it, but for you MIL and my mother, they should have an instinctual bone in their body to not say something like that! As mothers themselves they should always want to protect our feelings not try to hurt them.

It did hurt when my mom said that, and when I told my DH what she said, he wasn't at dinner with us he was working, he said "well it is taking a long time!"

Your family sounds like mine. They know that it's been hard on us to get pregnant and they always say well IF you have a kid...... Gee thanks...

My husband just keeps saying that it will happen when it happens, but I am beginning to wonder. We have been TTC for 2 years with nothing. So it's hard to hear things like that. Trust me, I have been there. We just need to stick together and keep our heads up.

 

[CaliDreaming]

HearMyPrayers, I can't imagine how much that must have hurt to hear that comment from your own mother. That's awful! Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

 

[HearMyPrayers]

ouch!
sorry you had to hear a comment like that. i think sometimes people dont realise how hurtful their comments can be. even the people clostest to us.

My mil said to me (she knows all about our troubles too) that we should ask to borrow bil and sil mattress and its seems MUCH luckier then ours! (bil and sil had just annoucned their bfp after coming off contracepion 8 weeks previously!!)
I was like thanks... i hadnt thought that it was my mattress causing the problems ill bring that up next time im at the hospital!!

sometimes i really wish there was a way they could understand but if its not something you have been through personally you just dont understand it. thats what i believe anyway.

: to you

yuck that's just an ugly comment! I think they both drank from the same glass of stupid things to say!

I think I except the excuse that people don't understand unless they've been through it, but for you MIL and my mother, they should have an instinctual bone in their body to not say something like that! As mothers themselves they should always want to protect our feelings not try to hurt them.

It did hurt when my mom said that, and when I told my DH what she said, he wasn't at dinner with us he was working, he said "well it is taking a long time!"

Your family sounds like mine. They know that it's been hard on us to get pregnant and they always say well IF you have a kid...... Gee thanks...

My husband just keeps saying that it will happen when it happens, but I am beginning to wonder. We have been TTC for 2 years with nothing. So it's hard to hear things like that. Trust me, I have been there. We just need to stick together and keep our heads up.

I'm sorry but you are right we just need to hang in there and stick through this and we will all be blessed in the end!

 

[HearMyPrayers]

HearMyPrayers, I can't imagine how much that must have hurt to hear that comment from your own mother. That's awful! Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

My mom and I use to have a great relationship we were literally like best friends. Until I got married. She doesn't like my husband. She thinks we married too fast and she just flat doesn't like him. She even told my step mother, during a time when my mother and I were 100% on speaking terms, that she hopes I don't get pregnant with twins or "more" because she would be afraid my husband is going to leave me high and dry and I'd be left with the kids.....

I think it hurt me more than I thought, because today I feel I'm struggling with the fact that she actually let those words come out of her mouth, it just really makes me feel like she in no way supports us having babies. meanwhile she is elated my brother and his girlfriend of 9 months are almost 4 months pregnant and my sister has a daughter with a guy that is a dead beat they are both 35 and live in her house still! but me and my husband get no support

 

[Kimiw]

That's harsh! Wow. I'm sorry, mother not that is a very insensitive thing to say.

 

[oneday87]

sorry you are struggling maybe try talking to her? might help

I just had another ouch comment happen at the start of my shift last night.

My hubbies aunt was in shopping. and asked how i got on at my last hospital appointment i told her i got some good news for a change they dont want to remove my right tube and ive been given a drug. ~ this is where she interputed me and said her daughter is gunna have to have that too. ( i hadnt even told her what drug id been given or what for i just said fertitly drug. also her daughter has just gone to the doctor for blood test to see why it taking her and hubby so long) i looked her funnily think she hasnt even been referred surely no doc is gunna just start throwing drugs at her hopping one will stick!!

I said that i can feel it in my bone that everything will be happy ending for them sometimes it can just take a while to fall pregant and she just gotta keep up the hope thats what im trying to do. (trying to be friendly and posative)

Dh auntie then turns to me and say well ~daughter~ is going to have a mucher harder time then you. much harder.

I just looked at her thinking lady this isnt a competition. i truly hope she doesnt have a hard time. i hope she doesnt go thru a faction of what me and hubby have gone thru so far. Yet here you are, her own mother, almost wishing this on her?? what is wrong with you........

(bit of back story on daughter she has had a few bloods bk she ovs fine and hasnt been trying very long. she changes her mind on the length of time they have been trying every time we talk.
and i have noticed that we will talk about my experience and my reseach into this horrible journey that is inferititly then the next time we talk shes tell me things that sound sooo familar about her journey.
ie back in oct when i found out i dont ov she wasnt trying because timing wasnt right they wanted a big holiday next year so was waiting... i told her my results came back an all 3 months showed i didnt ov.
next week we went out for coffee and she is telling me she will need me to help support her in the new year as her and hubby are gunna start trying and its gunna be hard because she doesnt ov!!! i sat there think what!!! but smiled gave her a hug and said id be there for her but not to worry about not oving till shes been trying for a year and has to go docs just to have fun with her hubby and see if a baby comes along .
now roll forward to april she is at the docs coz she has been trying for 2 years and nothing.)

Sorry for the essay its been building up and up in side of me. i just cant figure her out. nor her mother. it really seems to me that they want her to have a problem.

Am i reading to much into it? being to oversenetive because her mum brushed my troubles away because her daughters are gunna be MUCH harder??



errr.... and well done if you got this far thanks end of ranty ramble!

p.s sorry for all the spelling and genral mistake just got off the night shift and im shattered

to all

 

[Madgirl]

hugs to all you ladies. Some people just have no compassion!

 

[alisou21]

HearMyPrayers, I can't imagine how much that must have hurt to hear that comment from your own mother. That's awful! Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

My mom and I use to have a great relationship we were literally like best friends. Until I got married. She doesn't like my husband. She thinks we married too fast and she just flat doesn't like him. She even told my step mother, during a time when my mother and I were 100% on speaking terms, that she hopes I don't get pregnant with twins or "more" because she would be afraid my husband is going to leave me high and dry and I'd be left with the kids.....

I think it hurt me more than I thought, because today I feel I'm struggling with the fact that she actually let those words come out of her mouth, it just really makes me feel like she in no way supports us having babies. meanwhile she is elated my brother and his girlfriend of 9 months are almost 4 months pregnant and my sister has a daughter with a guy that is a dead beat they are both 35 and live in her house still! but me and my husband get no support

OMG!! I can not believe in your story. I though my mother was cruel... We have been trying over 3 years and I have endometriosis, a diagnosis that I need surgery to confirm. My mom was completely not supportive.. I understand she was scared, but so was I and it was one of the moments I need the most support I could get and it didn´t come from the one person that should be obliged to hold my hand at every step of the way.
She also did not like when I started taking hormones or doing insemination.. she would say all sort of stupidities, and she works in the health sector.
My respect for her opinion decreased in a way that I won´t tell her anything about our infertility struggles anymore... she doesn´t know we had an IVF and failed, she doesn´t know anything about all the shots I must take and still have not been able to conceive. She does not know about all the nights I cry...

I even stopped telling my husband certain stuff because I see it annoys him as well...

Anyway... you can only understand what it feels like when you go through it... so I am sending you a really big hug , cuz I know it must hurt a whole lot...

 

[PinkPeony]

HearMyPrayers, I can't imagine how much that must have hurt to hear that comment from your own mother. That's awful! Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

My mom and I use to have a great relationship we were literally like best friends. Until I got married. She doesn't like my husband. She thinks we married too fast and she just flat doesn't like him. She even told my step mother, during a time when my mother and I were 100% on speaking terms, that she hopes I don't get pregnant with twins or "more" because she would be afraid my husband is going to leave me high and dry and I'd be left with the kids.....

I think it hurt me more than I thought, because today I feel I'm struggling with the fact that she actually let those words come out of her mouth, it just really makes me feel like she in no way supports us having babies. meanwhile she is elated my brother and his girlfriend of 9 months are almost 4 months pregnant and my sister has a daughter with a guy that is a dead beat they are both 35 and live in her house still! but me and my husband get no support

OMG!! I can not believe in your story. I though my mother was cruel... We have been trying over 3 years and I have endometriosis, a diagnosis that I need surgery to confirm. My mom was completely not supportive.. I understand she was scared, but so was I and it was one of the moments I need the most support I could get and it didn´t come from the one person that should be obliged to hold my hand at every step of the way.
She also did not like when I started taking hormones or doing insemination.. she would say all sort of stupidities, and she works in the health sector.
My respect for her opinion decreased in a way that I won´t tell her anything about our infertility struggles anymore... she doesn´t know we had an IVF and failed, she doesn´t know anything about all the shots I must take and still have not been able to conceive. She does not know about all the nights I cry...

I even stopped telling my husband certain stuff because I see it annoys him as well...

Anyway... you can only understand what it feels like when you go through it... so I am sending you a really big hug , cuz I know it must hurt a whole lot...

I have a very similar thing going on with my mom. I can't tell her anything. Every time we talk about my infertility I end up being the one telling her - it's ok,.. everything will work out. Ummm shouldn't it be the other way around? she has no clue about how to be supportive and just chimes in with this useless advice when she doesn't even know half the story of what's really going on. Like you, I find I've had to keep her at arm's length when it comes to this bc she makes me feel horrible.

 

[Sophie2]

ive been trying for a little while and ive told my grandmother about it and she usaully my backbone but she made a comment to me " dont have kids there horrible" cuz shes dealing with my little brothers and sisters ages 6-14 but it hurt my feelings becuz she knows how bad im trying and how hard it is for me and the oh to have just one and i understand she has alot on her plate so she says it out of anger and stress but it still hurts just the same

 

[plpixie]

HearMyPrayers, I can't imagine how much that must have hurt to hear that comment from your own mother. That's awful! Do you have a good relationship with your mom?

My mom and I use to have a great relationship we were literally like best friends. Until I got married. She doesn't like my husband. She thinks we married too fast and she just flat doesn't like him. She even told my step mother, during a time when my mother and I were 100% on speaking terms, that she hopes I don't get pregnant with twins or "more" because she would be afraid my husband is going to leave me high and dry and I'd be left with the kids.....

I think it hurt me more than I thought, because today I feel I'm struggling with the fact that she actually let those words come out of her mouth, it just really makes me feel like she in no way supports us having babies. meanwhile she is elated my brother and his girlfriend of 9 months are almost 4 months pregnant and my sister has a daughter with a guy that is a dead beat they are both 35 and live in her house still! but me and my husband get no support

HUGE HUGS...... That is completely horrible and very sad. I feel very blessed to have a supportive and understanding mother (estranged with father)... remember "Your Friends Are Your Chosen Family"...... and I can't speak for the entire board, but I would love to be part of you "fertility family"....