So when I hit the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy with my daughter, Amy, I started threatening her with legal action if she didn't make an appearance soon. 9 days before she was due I woke up at 6.30 AM with dodgy contractions. It was all in my backside so I felt like I was trying to s*&t out a watermelon from that point onwards. It took ages for me to realize I was in labor. At 10am I called the hospital and told them I thought I was in labor. They asked what type of contractions I was having, how often etc. Told them about the pains and how often they were (every 10 minutes from when I woke up) and they said I was in back labor. They told me to take some paracetamol and have a bath. I woke my OH up and let my FiL know, as we lived with my in laws at the time. After a couple more hours the pain got worse but the amount of contractions hadn't increased so I called the hospital again. They told me they'd rather I came in when the contractions were getting to around 2 every 6 minutes.
After 3 baths and almost drowning during a contraction my OH called the hospital and told them they didn't have a choice. He was bringing me in. My FiL was kind enough to drive us to the hospital, shouting at every slow driver and idiot on the road informing them all that there was a lady in labor in the car and to shift their arses. I couldn't help but get to the hospital crying with laughter. When I got into the room the midwife asked if I wanted any painkillers. I told her "damn skippy I do" and she ran a bath for me with lavender oil. Once the pain killers kicked in I couldn't sit in the bath any longer. I felt sick so my OH helped me out. I couldn't get myself out and looked like a beached whale trying to. Got back to the room and started on the gas and air. That knocked me for 6 and I started giggling with every contraction. Dozing off and on for a couple of hours.
When that stopped killing the pain I had a diamorphine injection. I was away with the fairies. I was in a very child like state and sulked a lot. Made my OH flick through EVERY channel on the TV before exclaiming that everything was shite and to just put whatever he wanted on. I kept dozing and lost track of what was real and what was a dream. I woke up at one point telling my OH that "I'm sure there were more loose panels than this". He started laughing so I told him to f*&k off and fell back to sleep with him roaring with laughter. I kept falling to sleep with the gas and air in my mouth so my OH had to take it off me, I kept offering him some and everytime he said no I told him he was no fun. When I woke again I could hear the woman in the next room screaming in pain. I asked my OH if he thought I could beat her in a screaming contest and all I got off him was a "don't you bloody dare!". Spoiled sport. I awoke later and informed my OH that "the dogs are BANNED from the paddling pool!" again he started to roll around laughing. By this point we'd been in the hospital for 24 hours and he was so tired. The midwife was kind enough to get him a bean bag to sleep on and so he curled up under his long leather coat after I'd had my 2nd diamorphine injection. The 2nd midwife came in to check on me and tell me she'd be taking over from our first midwife. She tripped over my OH, waking him up and causing me to giggle my head off telling her "you just fell over". My OH apologised and I told him firmly "DON"T! It was hilarious". He and the midwife were both trying to tell me something and I kept dozing off. Everytime I woke up, the midwife would carry right on from where I dozed off. My OH told her that was impressive lol.
When all the pain killers started to wear off I started to get reeeeeeeally moody. I asked for an epidural and was told no because it was in a different room. When the pain got too much I threatened the midwife if she didn't get someone to do it. She kept saying no and I got more and more moody. They got me a birthing ball to sit on and my loving OH has a picture of me sitting on it, leaning across the bed, drooling with the gas and air in my hand. When I woke up from a contraction I booted the birthing ball across the room in temper and told the midwife I was off to find someone to get me a damn epidural. Eventually after enough of a tantrum I got it.
I kept dozing off during it and kicked the midwife at one point because they caught a nerve in my spine. I fell to sleep again and when I woke up I "thought" I needed the loo. Wiggled my toes and tried to stand up. Almost fell flat on my face and had the midwife and my OH in stitches whilst they hoisted me back on to the bed. I refused to let go of the gas and air and so they left me with it. Eventually I started to get my sense of humor back. I was feeling like my old self again.
After a couple of hours the midwife noticed that Amy's heart rate kept dropping to a dangerous level then rising slowly. She was struggling. I told her they needed to get Amy out and they told me to relax. After watching her heart rate drop lower and lower each time it fell I got worried. I told them if they didn't help me get her out I'd push and that if anything happened to her they'd regret it.
In came the doctor. She told me she was putting a suppository up my arse to stop me crapping everywhere. I called her a miserable cow spoiling my fun (diamorphine hadn't worn off as much as I thought). My sense of humor is the sort where if I take a crap and some one else has to clean it up, I like to look them in the eye and think "you wiped my arse!" lol. They finally agreed to get Amy out as she was stuck with a 1cm rim around her head and couldn't get out. The doc cut me and they found the cord wrapped around her neck. She didn't cry. Not one sound.
I panicked and started crying. Then I heard the biggest wail. It was her. She was fine. OH finally took a breath. He was turning blue from holding his breath wondering if she was alive. We finally got to hold her. She was gorgeous. A tiny, tiny bundle of love in my arms looking at me with her dark blue eyes, just like her dads. she weighed 5lb 3oz and had to be clothed as soon as possible. She struggled to control her body heat. The midwife bought over the placenta and let me weigh it in my hands...........it weighed more than Amy!!!!. I got my OH to hold it and he was as surprised as me! He told me he's never going to look at liver the same again lol. When I finally managed to look around the room properly I realized it looked like Michael Myers had been in and done is job. There was blood everywhere. Including a nice outline of the doctor on the wall straight in front of me. I couldn't help but crack up laughing. My FiL turned up not long after to bring us some food as we'd forgotten it. He got to come in and see Amy after I'd been stitched and cleaned up and got her first picture taken by her grandad. He was so proud he cried more than she did.
Amy was born a week earlier than her due date. I had to spend 5 days in hospital with her to make sure she'd gained weight. Luckily she had. I got to take her home finally. My OH was that excited at the prospect of getting to show off his little girl that instead of going straight home, we went straight to the games workshop HQ and gaming hall 5 minutes away from the hospital to show his friends who worked there. Nowadays she's well know there as the youngest warhammer fan lol.
I can't wait to hold our new little addition. She's due in November. I'll make sure I post her birth story sooner this time.
After 3 baths and almost drowning during a contraction my OH called the hospital and told them they didn't have a choice. He was bringing me in. My FiL was kind enough to drive us to the hospital, shouting at every slow driver and idiot on the road informing them all that there was a lady in labor in the car and to shift their arses. I couldn't help but get to the hospital crying with laughter. When I got into the room the midwife asked if I wanted any painkillers. I told her "damn skippy I do" and she ran a bath for me with lavender oil. Once the pain killers kicked in I couldn't sit in the bath any longer. I felt sick so my OH helped me out. I couldn't get myself out and looked like a beached whale trying to. Got back to the room and started on the gas and air. That knocked me for 6 and I started giggling with every contraction. Dozing off and on for a couple of hours.
When that stopped killing the pain I had a diamorphine injection. I was away with the fairies. I was in a very child like state and sulked a lot. Made my OH flick through EVERY channel on the TV before exclaiming that everything was shite and to just put whatever he wanted on. I kept dozing and lost track of what was real and what was a dream. I woke up at one point telling my OH that "I'm sure there were more loose panels than this". He started laughing so I told him to f*&k off and fell back to sleep with him roaring with laughter. I kept falling to sleep with the gas and air in my mouth so my OH had to take it off me, I kept offering him some and everytime he said no I told him he was no fun. When I woke again I could hear the woman in the next room screaming in pain. I asked my OH if he thought I could beat her in a screaming contest and all I got off him was a "don't you bloody dare!". Spoiled sport. I awoke later and informed my OH that "the dogs are BANNED from the paddling pool!" again he started to roll around laughing. By this point we'd been in the hospital for 24 hours and he was so tired. The midwife was kind enough to get him a bean bag to sleep on and so he curled up under his long leather coat after I'd had my 2nd diamorphine injection. The 2nd midwife came in to check on me and tell me she'd be taking over from our first midwife. She tripped over my OH, waking him up and causing me to giggle my head off telling her "you just fell over". My OH apologised and I told him firmly "DON"T! It was hilarious". He and the midwife were both trying to tell me something and I kept dozing off. Everytime I woke up, the midwife would carry right on from where I dozed off. My OH told her that was impressive lol.
When all the pain killers started to wear off I started to get reeeeeeeally moody. I asked for an epidural and was told no because it was in a different room. When the pain got too much I threatened the midwife if she didn't get someone to do it. She kept saying no and I got more and more moody. They got me a birthing ball to sit on and my loving OH has a picture of me sitting on it, leaning across the bed, drooling with the gas and air in my hand. When I woke up from a contraction I booted the birthing ball across the room in temper and told the midwife I was off to find someone to get me a damn epidural. Eventually after enough of a tantrum I got it.
I kept dozing off during it and kicked the midwife at one point because they caught a nerve in my spine. I fell to sleep again and when I woke up I "thought" I needed the loo. Wiggled my toes and tried to stand up. Almost fell flat on my face and had the midwife and my OH in stitches whilst they hoisted me back on to the bed. I refused to let go of the gas and air and so they left me with it. Eventually I started to get my sense of humor back. I was feeling like my old self again.
After a couple of hours the midwife noticed that Amy's heart rate kept dropping to a dangerous level then rising slowly. She was struggling. I told her they needed to get Amy out and they told me to relax. After watching her heart rate drop lower and lower each time it fell I got worried. I told them if they didn't help me get her out I'd push and that if anything happened to her they'd regret it.
In came the doctor. She told me she was putting a suppository up my arse to stop me crapping everywhere. I called her a miserable cow spoiling my fun (diamorphine hadn't worn off as much as I thought). My sense of humor is the sort where if I take a crap and some one else has to clean it up, I like to look them in the eye and think "you wiped my arse!" lol. They finally agreed to get Amy out as she was stuck with a 1cm rim around her head and couldn't get out. The doc cut me and they found the cord wrapped around her neck. She didn't cry. Not one sound.
I panicked and started crying. Then I heard the biggest wail. It was her. She was fine. OH finally took a breath. He was turning blue from holding his breath wondering if she was alive. We finally got to hold her. She was gorgeous. A tiny, tiny bundle of love in my arms looking at me with her dark blue eyes, just like her dads. she weighed 5lb 3oz and had to be clothed as soon as possible. She struggled to control her body heat. The midwife bought over the placenta and let me weigh it in my hands...........it weighed more than Amy!!!!. I got my OH to hold it and he was as surprised as me! He told me he's never going to look at liver the same again lol. When I finally managed to look around the room properly I realized it looked like Michael Myers had been in and done is job. There was blood everywhere. Including a nice outline of the doctor on the wall straight in front of me. I couldn't help but crack up laughing. My FiL turned up not long after to bring us some food as we'd forgotten it. He got to come in and see Amy after I'd been stitched and cleaned up and got her first picture taken by her grandad. He was so proud he cried more than she did.
Amy was born a week earlier than her due date. I had to spend 5 days in hospital with her to make sure she'd gained weight. Luckily she had. I got to take her home finally. My OH was that excited at the prospect of getting to show off his little girl that instead of going straight home, we went straight to the games workshop HQ and gaming hall 5 minutes away from the hospital to show his friends who worked there. Nowadays she's well know there as the youngest warhammer fan lol.
I can't wait to hold our new little addition. She's due in November. I'll make sure I post her birth story sooner this time.
