Paranoia when TTC after a loss - am I alone?

[Fallen Angel]

Hey ladies

I was just wondering if I was alone in being totally paranoid now trying to conceive after losing our little angel in July.

When I fell pregnant before I was in the process of training for a triathlon so running / swimming / cycling on a daily basis.

I'm now terrified to get back to exercise whilst trying to conceive on clomid for fear of anything that I might do, that might instigate another miscarriage.

This has today made me reaslise there is still something in my conscience that blames myself or something I did for not being able to carry our baby full term??

In a weird place today on CD18 and still no positive OPK

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Oh Darling

I think that it is normal to feel that it is our fault in some-way. I keep focusing that unless you were explicitly doing something you were advised against such as drugs, binge drinking etc then there was probably a reason our LO didn't make it. I just keep thinking that if they were taken earlier then perhaps it was for the best before they could feel pain etc as obviously something was wrong.

As for your training I would say that it was probably beneficial, they say with regards to exercise to just carry on as you did before. Perhaps when you get your next just reign it in a little bit? I am actually going to start exercising as I hated feeling so unhealthy.

As for your CD18 and no positive OPK, when I took clomid I think I ovulated CD19 and I never got a true positive on OPK (just faint lines lighter then the control) BUT I did confirm ovulation through BBT, are you recording yours?

 

[Fallen Angel]

Thanks hon, I have a bit of a split personality just now the rational part knows all this, the irrational part is fucking with my brain cells

I haven't done ANY exercise at all since starting Clomid (I refer you to my irrational comment above ) Part of me wants to get stuck back into it, but part of me apprehensive

Oooooh, now that's interesting on your OPK tests as I was getting faint lines on several days, I also have great cervix (according to the SHOW technique Soft High Open Wet) and have proper pains in both my hips and lower back like mild period pains and my boobs have been sore for over a week!?!

I am BBTing, no significant rise as yet, but thanks for the hope.

I usually have lots of PMA, but I've been losing it gradually today, I'm now putting my PMA hat firmly back on - thanks hon

Did you have a success on Clomid then hon? Just seen your signature, so sorry for your loss, so very unfair isn't it ((( x hugs x )))

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Yep our little sprout was conceived on clomid on our very first try! I have an appointment with the doctor this Wednesday where I shall request regular HCG level screening and ask when I can start taking my clomid again! I believe it is a wonderful thing and don't think that it had anything to do with our loss, sprout was just not meant to be.

Are you taking your BBT at the same time EVERY morning? If your not this can give false results. I used to set an alarm at 7am every day and even when I wasn't working I would just take my temperature, scribble it down and roll back over to sleep

Good Luck

 

[Fallen Angel]

Good luck with your appointment hon and I love your positive attitude x

No, I'm not taking my temps each day, just updated my chart (have a look at my link below if you like).

I do have my alarm set, but I haven't been sleeping very well the last couple of months and waken several times before my alarm, so I know you have to take it as soon as you wake. It is roughly the same time, but not exactly.

I have my blood test this Thursday (CD 21) so guess I'll just have to wait and see what that holds eh?

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Hah my positive attitude is a very recent addition, as of today in fact I figured that PMA would help me through this difficult time and hopefully help me cope with stress levels which I believe may have been partially responsible for our recent loss.

I know for a fact that when my temperature was taken at even a slightly different time then it set my temperatures out. Perhaps try to use your alarm to take the temperature, just remember that you have to take it before doing ANYTHING including rooting around in your bedside cabinet for your thermometer or a pen It is surprising how badly the slightest thing can effect your temperatures.

Good luck with your test and keep up the !

 

[Fallen Angel]

Thanks hunny, I've managed to find my PMA again today too

You've got to stay level headed and rational I think through this horrible journey or we'd just completely lose it!

The thing with BBT is, you've got to have been sleeping for at least 3 hours, well, I have been sleeping terribly lately, awake every hour or so, etc., so I doubt I'd get a temp at the exact same time each day, maybe I shouldn't bother with BBT, but like everything else, I've read conflicting info, ie. that you don't have to take temps at same time, etc., ?? Sheesh, just too much info out there!