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Paranoid

~ Vicky ~

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Ugh, the on-going saga with me continues.

So, this Saturday (13th) just gone was meant to be my wedding day. I was nervous about it, wondering how I'd feel but I actually got through the day relatively fine - no tears, just a little bit of sadness thinking 'What could have been'.

Anyhoo, I was chatting with a friend and she told me that Gav was going to be moving RAF bases on wednesday (today) but she wasn't sure where to. I didn't really care until today arrived and now all day i've been wondering where he's moved to. So I did some snooping, to satisfy my own curiosity.

Soo, through the power of facebook I found out he's moved to... Lincolnshire :shock: Literally 20mins up the road from where I live. I cannot believe it! Of all the places in the world(!) he could go he gets posted here, why?

It was kinda inevitable I suppose, because when we were still together he purposely put down Lincolnshire as his first choice so I didn't have to move far away from my family and still keep my job etc, but I assumed he would've changed it once we split a matter of weeks later.

So now i'm all paranoid. I wrote him an email about 8 weeks ago telling him i've decided to completely go it alone and not even ask him for money because I believed it better for Ava since he gave me not one ounce of support during the first weeks of my pregnancy and I didn't want her life messed around with - to which he never replied. At the time I thought it was weird but then I began to think he did it on purpose so he could hit me with a court order and such once she got here.

Stupid I know but now he's only 20mins away I can't help think he's going to be prowling round again. He's only working 9-5 now I believe so it's so easy for him to get here if he wants and bug me. I don't want that. I want to be able to get on with my life.

On wednesday it's 6months exactly since I last saw him (although it was near on a month later we actually split) - why am I still bothered about this.. this.. animal.

Ugh i'm so mad with myself and now so upset/frustrated and paranoid about his recent move. :hissy: I'd rather not be looking over my shoulder everytime I go out but I know I will be now.

Sorry, just needed to rant.
 

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