PARENTING over 35 - is it more difficult?

[Squiggy]

I had my first baby at 35, still TTC for a second and final baby. But I must say that often I feel like it's much more difficult than it would have been if I'd started 5 or 10 years ago!

I have to say the most difficult thing has always been, and still is, the sleep loss!
My husband does NOT take care of our baby, but he insisted that the baby stay on a schedule of getting up around 2am for a feeding. Now at 10months he's still on that schedule. And I'm the one who has to get up every night.

I also have age related issues such as back problems that I didn't really suffer from 10 years ago that get in the way of things from time to time. I had to purchase a lightweight stroller for days when I simply cannot lift his 30-lb one in and out of the car.

Then there's the energy factor. There are some days when I'm just so low on energy. Baby's just now starting to walk, keeping up with him is a nonstop job already. But compared to when I was in my 20's there are days when my body just hurts from it all.

To be honest, there are many times when I tell myself call it quits and just be happy that you have ONE healthy, happy, perfect baby!
But at the same time, I always wanted multiple children and my picturesque view cannot be changed. I feel like I'm already going through the physically draining parts of raising babies, so I may as well keep with it for one more round.

 

[BabyHopes1974]

I don't have kids yet but I know when our twins are born I will be more ready emotionally and mentally than I would have been in my 20s or even early 30s.

I don't have as much energy as I used to so that might be different.

 

[Fourstar]

Hi Squiggy. I am expecting my second. I have a dd who also walked quite young. It is so exhausting when they can cover so much ground at 10 months. I used to envy the mothers whose babies didn't walk until they were 14 months or so.

It is hard now but I promise you it will get so much easier. In no time at all you will be back to having no buggy to lug about, no need for the mountain of gear to be packed and dragged around with you, no more up at night. I found the first three years hard but suddenly it seemed easy especially when dd hit the three and a half mark. That seems a long time but I do think the first year feels the longest then it flies by.

I was miserable at times. I couldn't see a time beyond nappies, tantrums and the endless spilling of juice. I swore I would never do it again and even sold my baby stuff. Now I pregnant again but I swear this will be the last .

Oh and by the way I do think you have more energy for kids in your 20's but I think emotionally you are better prepared when you are an older mum, but maybe that's just me. Good luck

 

[LJ Junior]

I have to agree with the above. I had #1 at 34 and will be 37 when #2 is born. Yes, it’s exhausting. The body is older so I do think that physically pregnancy might be a little easier on a younger body and the physical energy might come a little easier with babies and young kids. But I honestly can’t imagine having had my children in my 20’s! Mentally and emotionally I firmly believe I’m so much better prepared to deal with the sacrifices of parenthood. My toddler isn’t and has never been a good sleeper. I’ve had my moments of sheer exhaustion and wondering how I’ll cope. But we do. I work full time and this pregnancy is a little more tiring than my first, but I’m looking forward to juggling two little ones. At my age, I know who I am, I am confident with the decisions I’m making on raising my family, and I feel like I’m in control of the situation rather than it all just happening to me.

With age comes wisdom, patience, experience, often a better financial situation and stronger marital/partner relationships. It’s not all about youthful energy. I have many friends who had kids young and they still lament what they gave up in their younger years – not being able to travel/party/build careers/buy homes, etc. Sure, they’ll have a “freedom” in their 40s that I won’t. But it’s tough to then try to build those things if you didn’t before.

 

[SonAmyMom]

I had my first just before I turned 21. My fourth was born (almost exactly) 13 years later, just before I turned 34. I'm expecting #5, and I'm 36.

I certainly had more energy when I was younger. The pregnancies were easier because of that. But, before this pregnancy, I still felt like I had plenty of energy to play with my LO and keep up with him.

But in reality, I think parenting is easier now. Maybe it's because I have older kids, but my perspective is really different. I can look at the irritating things my 2 year old does and remember that it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it. I'm much more prone to cuddle and let the dishes, dusting, vacuuming, etc wait a bit. I'm more patient with this 2 year old than with my first.

Of course, in my case, it's nice to have teenager that can help with both the household chores and taking care of the little one for a while.

 

[Foogirl]

When it comes to parenting, age is just a number. Some find it easy at 20, some find it easy at 40. I'm not sure I ever had more energy than I do now at 40, but I've got more money so that's a bonus for sure

 

[Taurus8484]

I had my first one 6 days after turning 39 and this one will be here just before I turn 41..........I dont know any different physically.

Emotionally and mentally I know Im much better prepared now than when I was younger.

 

[Nolagyrl1913]

I just had my first and I am 43. My daughter is 4 months old and so far she has been a dream. I am hoping she continues to STTN as she gets older.
I am nervous about her walking because I know it will open up an entirely different dynamic.
For me, I know if I would have had her when i was in my 20s or even my 30s, I wouldnt have been prepared emotionally. I kind of want another one but I think I will just settle for the one blessing I was given.

 

[Seity]

I personally feel like it's much easier than if I'd had a baby earlier. I had my first at 36 and my second at 39 and feel like I'm so much more confident in myself and more settled in life and secure. I wouldn't have even wanted a kid before 32, much too young. Best part is I'm done having kids and don't have to worry about accidentally having another and 'starting over' again in my late 30's like many who have children at a younger age.
I had the easiest pregnancies and labors ever. Age has never been an issue for me.

 

[moter98]

Deleted

 

[Seity]

It may not be your age at all, but having to get up every single night for the last 10 months! That's not very fair of your DH to want that schedule and expect only you to follow it. Can I ask why the nightly feedings still at 10 months old? I know every parent does things differently and has different beliefs, but I too do all of the child care and getting up every night and I had my boys sleeping through the night by 9-12 weeks old. I function like a zombie having to get up every night for feedings so I was very motivated to get them to sleep through the night. DH did not get any say in that unless he wanted to get up too. I cannot imagine going 10 whole months without a full nights rest. No wonder you're exhausted!

??? I worked full time from 2 months on and my husband stayed home with the baby, but I breastfeed until they self wean and I can't get any milk with a pump, so I did all the night wakings with both boys. My older boy woke for milk at night until he was 2.5. He woke to eat and then went back to sleep. He woke every 1-2 hours for his entire first year of life before he started going longer between night meals. You can't magically make a child not hungry at night. They get there when they are ready. You're very lucky that you got a good sleeper. My second was a good sleeper like that, but even he started waking the night a few times to eat between 6-12 months because of mental and physical growth spurts. That's normal and healthy. I find your post to be extremely judgmental and not at all helpful. I averaged 4 hours sleep a night in 30-45 min increments during my oldest's first year of life. It wasn't fun and I couldn't have done it at a younger age. I wouldn't have had the patience.

 

[moter98]

I am Sorry was not meant that way at all. I formula fed so no experience with nursing. I will delete my post. Not meant to offend anyone.

 

[Seity]

Don't delete it! I admit it's a bit of a touchy subject for me having lived with a bad sleeper, so I probably reacted a bit too strongly. This is a forum and everyone should be able to post their perspective. The original poster may feel there is something she can do to get a better night's sleep and sleep deprivation is the worst. I just wanted to share that's it's not always so simple to get a baby that sleeps the night.

 

[Christinee]

Had my first daughter when I was 22. Now 37 and pregnant with my second. I think I did a good job raising her, but I will do an even better job raising this one because I am older and wiser.

 

[citymouse]

Emotionally, mentally, and financially we are much better prepared now than 10 years ago. There are times when I get tired (my daughter literally (the real kind of literally) has more energy than any other kid we know), but I am also more patient and have a better perspective on things than I did in my 20s.

My daughter didn't STTN until 18 months (and then she stopped again at 20 months!) but I've always been good at stop-and-start sleeping. The one thing I question is that your DH insists on a certain schedule. In my opinion that should be left up to the one who has to deal with the fallout from it. Maybe talk to him and explain how hard it is on you?

 

[madseasons]

Emotionally, mentally, and financially we are much better prepared now than 10 years ago. There are times when I get tired (my daughter literally (the real kind of literally) has more energy than any other kid we know), but I am also more patient and have a better perspective on things than I did in my 20s.

^^^^This. I was also in the Navy in my 20s, so I was too busy having a blast around the world and meeting DH at 22..........

I was ready and settled when I turned 30 after DH and I married when I was 28 and we moved across country for my career and to settle in then we had DS at 31. I am now 36 and having my second and last, and it's a little tougher with having a 4 year old who is also a BALL of energy and I have no energy!

That being said, I also went back and finished my degree when DS turned 2 and he has NEVER been a good sleeper so I have no clue what sleep is like, with DH's help or not! So I'll be okay with this one as well!

Dee

 

[Left wonderin]

Hi I'm 41 just about to turn 42 , my LO is 6 months old and actively trying for no 2 .... To me age is just a number . I haven't experienced being pregnant in my 20s so I don't know any different re energy levels . I'm so lucky with a good sleeper . I think you just find the energy when you need it and collapse when you can lol...

 

[petite ping]

I don't think I would have been mature enough in my twenties. I find on the other hand that my DDs energise me even when I am dog tired.

 

[CaliDreaming]

For me I think parenting over 35 has been easier than it would have been if I had started in my 20's. I am in better physical shape than I was in my 20s because I have been more dedicated to exercise and eating health. Emotionally, like every one has said, is also a perk that comes with age. Also, you're likely to be much more financially stable and that is HUGE. I guess it's an individual thing though and YMMV.

As for whether to have another child, you will know in your heart if you want another or not. Your child will be fine either way. For me, having a second wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Again, I think age plays a factor there because of the maturity and patience that comes along with aging. It is exhausting but you do what you have to do. I also think because my first child is so energetic, adding another didn't feel that much worse. I have had to learn how to manage her and her behavior, so by the time I got a hold on that, adding another didn't seem as challenging.

Only bad thing about having a second has been the daycare expenses. OMG I will be so relieved when dd is ready to enter public pre-K and I will only have one in daycare.