Parents with children who have autism

[jessicasmum]

I know this isn't relavant but just because you mentioned about being a veggie, I also am a veggie, I do know what you mean I love the smell of smoked bacon.

 

[happycupcake]

They both chewed/mouthed everything for an extended time! Our daughter has just turned 4 and has only recently stopped putting everything in her mouth. She will sometimes, but it isn't a problem anymore whereas before it was a problem.

On the food, they both like nuts too. Daughter loves cashews but youngest son will eat pretty much any type of nut available.

Did you used to eat meat? I used to eat sausages up until I was 16/17 and also used to eat chicken occasionally, especially if it was in the form of a KFC Zinger Tower, I think it was called. But then I went off it during pregnancy with youngest son and haven't touched any kind of meat since. I don't like cooking it as well, but I do love the smell of some things, particularly sausages and bacon

 

[jessicasmum]

Did you do anything to try to stop them chewing or did they just do it themselves? I know some people buy the chew necklaces or things like that but I'm not even sure it will work for Jasmine because you will see her having a muslin to chew and then she'll forget she had that and look for something else, so she doesn't always keep to one thing to chew.

I've not really tried my daughter with any nuts yet so not sure if she likes them, I'm always a bit wary because I'm allergic to cashew nuts so even avoided them with my eldest too.

I ate meat until I was 15 and then decided while I was on holiday in Italy that I didn't really agree with it and wanted to stop and I haven't eaten meat since and I'll be turning 32 in May do I've not ate meat now longer than I ever did eat it. I do miss it sometimes though.

 

[smurff]

My dd in the last 6mths has gotten terrible for chewing and eating things, it started with me walking in her bedroom and finding she'd climbed on her chest of drawers and while watching TV was chewing on the wires, she'd stripped the outer black cable and was down to the blue and brown wire, to this day I get upset and feel sick thinking what could have happened if I'd walked in 5 mind later, needless to say every electrical item was taken out of room, got her brand new TV and put it up on Wall and the cable was put in behind coving and a big chest of drawers covering the plug socket. I've found her with lots in her mouth and only a few weeks ago she had done a poo in her pull up and inside the poo was a thick piece of twine she had swallowed, unfortunately there was still some inside her which I pulled out and then had to take her to hospital to check it was all out. It's a major worry for me, she chews her nails aswell. I've had to inform her school so she's kept an extra close eye on and has a new risk assessment in place. I can't have any bags in our front room or if people come to visit they have to empty their pockets. I currently hoover about 3 times a day just incase I've missed anything that's been dropped on the floor.

 

[smurff]

Oh and I hope you both had a great mothers day aswell x

 

[happycupcake]

Jessicasmum, we discouraged them from chewing things they shouldn't, and allowed them to get on with it with harmless things or things designed for being chewed on but didn't buy any extras. Our youngest daughter used to love a dummy until about a year ago, we didn't have any issues stopping it though, we simply didn't give it to her and she didn't kick up a fuss so it was easy which I was surprised about! Especially given her chewing habit.

Is it likely they would be allergic too? I wouldn't know.

Smurff, bless your heart I know how scary some situations can be! But you are doing all you can to protect her and this is the main thing. She will probably grow out of it eventually, we have found this with ours. Some things take longer than others, but eventually they get there

 

[jessicasmum]

Smurff: My gosh that must of been so frightening about the wire. My daughter has tried to chew a wire but weve been in the same room and been able to get it off her straight away. At the moment because she's still at toddler stage someone is always in the same room as her and only left for a few minutes if we nip like toilet or something so we haven't had too much of a scare yet with the dangerous stuff, I do really worry about it because we can't be expected to keep to always have to be in same room with her 24/7 though.
You mentioned she had climbed on to her draws, is climbing on everything also an issue? My daughter is always trying to climb which is another worry.

Happycupcake: That's good that it was easy that they seem to stop the chewing, I really hope this will be the case also with my daughter. She chews her clothes so can make a right mess of her t-shirts.

I know it's hard to predict but because my daughter has said random words in the past (this has been spread out quite a lot though) that she'll more likely eventually start to talk or does this not make a difference?

 

[happycupcake]

Our daughter likes to climb too. We have a bookcase in our living room which she likes to try to climb on. You can't leave her alone anywhere because she hasn't any concept of danger. Our son is less of a little daredevil than his sister.

I don't know about speech, it's quite an individual thing. Ours were saying random words and have always had a fairly decent vocabulary in this sense but saying words in context is only recently starting to happen more and putting words together and saying short sentences too. But it has been more finding a way to teach them how to do this which makes sense to them, than them being incapable and I think this is probably true of many children on the spectrum. They do tend to parrot everything you say although our daughter tries to say things which clearly mean something to her but it's difficult for us to understand what she's saying. People have thought she was foreign before lol

 

[jessicasmum]

I worry about the climbing thinking to keep things more minimal, like my husband was thinking of keeping the bunk beds at the house we are moving to for in the bedroom our daughter will be in but I was like thinking no way because of the dangers of her climbing and her not understanding the danger.

It's been a while since she's said a word and sometimes you think she has said something but not sure, it will only be a one random word she will say like daddy or a name of one of the characters on a tv programme, she once said 3 words together "in my tummy" but this was just before she turned 1 and now 2 and half.
My daughter will make this grissling sound a lot but it's not like she is trying to interact while she does it just off in her own world.

 

[smurff]

My daughter still talks alot in her own language but her speech is improving daily, she can now say sentences but sometimes they don't relate to anything and she says them when she's off in her own little world. She can now ask me questions but when i ask her a question i don't genually get a reply.
As for the climbing my daughter doesn't really climb anything, but in saying that she does just suddenly start doing things which is why we have to be watchful at all times now. When i picked her up from school yesterday the teacher came to speak to me to tell me she had put a paper clip in her mouth, luckily enough a teaching assistant seen her do this and told her to take it out which she did but shes never done this in school before.
I also have to have every window i my house locked because i worry about her climbing up to the window and opening it plus all doors are locked and keys locked away so she can't get out. I agree with you on the bunk beds, i could never have them in her bedroom cause she would climb and just jump as she has no awareness of dangers , or she'd wake in the night and climb up and i d never know.

 

[jessicasmum]

Smurff: That's good your daughter has started saying some sentences, what techniques do you think helped her to start talking more? Was the speech therapists helpful?

I think with my daughter only being 2 and half still and at playgroup that maybe people thinking this chewing thing is still because of her age and there isn't as many dangers at all what she could chew there.

Can I ask how you both have dealt with toilet training? We haven't attempted to start yet because of no communication from her would prove quite difficult.

 

[smurff]

My daughter started speech therapy at at 2 years old but the speech therapist thought she needed more intense help and recommended us to a child development clinic which she went to 3 mornings a week and then her nursary 2 mornings a week. The child development clinic was a class of 6 children to 3 teachers so more one to one help and instead of seeing her speech therapist once every 6 wks she got her very own speech therapist and seen her once a week. Now with her being in her special class at school alot of the children need help with speech so a theripst goes in school once a week also, plus some of the kids understand she has a delay and they help her with words and all the teachers and learning assistants she's with everyday are also trained to help with speech. Her brother who's nearly 3 also helps her, the other day we were walking home from school and he stopped and stood in front of her her and kept saying we're home we're home and he wouldn't stop saying it till she repeated it back, when she did he gave her a hug and said well done you said it!!!, I was so proud of him and he's a big help.
As for toilet training this is where i need help!, My daughter isn't toilet trained and in pull ups. They are special pull ups for her age that look like pants and after a certain age you are entitled to free pull ups. We tried pottys and toilets but she hated them and got upset so we left it, when she was 3 we tried again but she was still screaming and getting upset. We even tried cold turkey but she held herself for over 5 hrs and we couldn't push it anymore as that's dangerous. In the last few months she has started to sit on the toilet in school which is a massive step forward, (they have Thier own private toilet and shower that's just off thier classroom and it's just for them), her brother is potty training now so we're hoping she'll try to copy him . We'll probably wait till warmer weather and try letting her run round with no pull up on but she's very private and doesn't like not having pull up on so we'll see. Her teachers in school are also helping aswell

 

[happycupcake]

The danger thing is probably what concerns me the most. Our son has more awareness than our daughter but he hasn't any awareness of say, stranger danger, for example. I taught him about road safety as best I can, he knows to wait for the green man and stuff, although I don't know if he is aware of quite how dangerous cars can be. But our daughter literally hasn't any awareness. It's completely lost on her.

We haven't toilet trained them because they don't communicate to a level where they understand. We have tried, but it's still lost on them! Hoping this will change soon though.
Speech & language are amazing. In fact, I wish we were still having sessions with them because I felt more confident with their support. I guess because they spend so much time doing this, since it's their job, they have this wonderful way of tapping into how your child will learn best

 

[jessicasmum]

Smurff: that sounds good that your daughter was referred to the child development centre, I think something like this would be great for my little girl but I'm not sure of what resources are available yet in my area.
Awww that is lovely of your little boy, how clever he is to think to do that to help his sister

Happycupcake: How long ago did the speech therapist sessions finish for your children? Are they only for a set age that they can come?

 

[happycupcake]

I don't know, they seem to refer them around nursery age though and I would assume the main reason is probably parent concerns being confirmed by nursery since most children attend nursery. It's quickly flagged up in many cases.
They saw our children for about three sessions each, I don't know if they will have anymore. Will ask the paediatrician when we see him next. I think our daughter will probably see them more at some point because she didn't cotton onto things as well as her brother, who is almost a year older.
They didn't see my eldest since he was already a teenager when he was diagnosed. He wasn't seen before because everyone I expressed my concerns to shrugged it off

 

[jessicasmum]

3 times doesn't seem many, hopefully paediatrician will say they will get more. Do they see the paediatrician that often?

That must of been tough with your son them not taking your concerns seriously. Do you mind me asking is your son classed as high functioning?

 

[happycupcake]

I know this is what I'm thinking, so I'm hoping they will have more sessions in time. We see the paediatrician every six months ish, so isn't frequently but then I don't know what else he does except for assess the current situation and refer accordingly, so I guess we don't have any reason to see him more? I don't know. It's probably slightly different in different areas though.

My eldest is diagnosed with an ASD with Asperger's traits, like I am. They explained this as high functioning. I suspect our daughter will be similar, but I think our youngest son is different. He and my eldest at the same ages are worlds away. We didn't have any issues toilet training him, and his speech was fine except for pronouncing certain words. He wasn't behind in any of his milestones so it didn't flag up for us right away. He was fussy with foods from an early age but there wasn't anything else until he was a little older and started to become obsessive with things, then there were issues with sensory things between nursery and infants which started concerns for us.
With our youngest son he hit certain milestones fine, like sitting up, crawling, walking etc. these were all fine, but his speech was the first thing we saw. He wasn't hugely interested in toys or imaginative play and didn't bother with other children. He doesn't currently as well. But our daughter is different, she does enagage in imaginative play for example, which is good. She hit most milestones ok except for speech and was behind with sitting unaided and eating solids (she refused until she was about 8/9 months). However both of them don't communicate efficiently and this leads to other issues like toilet training and understanding danger etc.

 

[smurff]

A few days ago my son's nursary pulled me to one side and said they are referring him to speech therapy, I've was shocked and upset and thought I'd failed both my children in some way as they both now have probs with speech and I'm also getting a horrible niggly feeling that my son will be on the spectrum, it's strange because at home he speaks ok, i can have conversations with him i can ask questions and he answers, his speech is clear he understands instructions and can carry out tasks i ask him to do. Since starting nursary he's gone from about 50 words to about 100-150. But in nursary he doesn't speak, they have only heard say about 3 words, doesn't interact at all. I'm hoping it's just because he's shy. He is the most fussiest eater I've ever seen, i think in the last few months he's eaten a meal I've put infront of him about 5 times. He hit all his milestones on time, does imaginative play aswell. I explained to the nursary that his sister doesn't interact very much so really my son hasn't had anyone to play with which could be why he's behind.
Just can't shake this nagging worry though, don't get me wrong if he is then he is, it won't change anything and we'll deal with it just like we have with his sister but i never thought there'd be a chance I'd have to go through it again with my son.

 

[happycupcake]

Smurff, your son certainly doesn't sound behind. I think this sounds more like he's adjusting to life at nursery which is rather different from home! At home he's in his little comfort zone, as we all are, and like every single person on the planet we alter how we are when put in different situations because we have to. It's instinct. I mean, you wouldn't be the same at home at school or your job or on a night out with friends, would you? So logically, it makes perfect sense he would behave differently at nursery. This may last the whole time, or it may be until he finds his feet properly there. He's in with a bunch of people he doesn't know properly and hasn't had a chance to build trust with, he is out of his safety zone. You remember your first day at school? Most people felt a little frightened, apprehensive, until they found their place there. It isn't any different for your son.
To me, it sounds as if he's doing fabulously! Also bear in mind that some children aren't cut out for nursery/school and generally feel out of place there. It doesn't mean eventually they won't feel more confident, but it can take longer than some. Some children are by nature more confident in these situations but I would think most children are more shy.
You haven't failed your children anyway, if you had failed then you wouldn't be posting

 

[jessicasmum]

Happycupcake: your younger son sounds like my daughter with the speech, doesn't play with toys or imaginary play. The only thing is she will like to sort of play rough play sometimes with our eldest daughter but that's the only time she'll play at all with anyone is like that.
I'm sorry if you have already mentioned this but how old is your youngest son? Has he not been given a diagnosis of high or low functioning yet?

Smurff: I totally agree with happycupcake, your son doesn't sound behind. My eldest was referred to speech and language and had a few sessions and they were even trying to say that she might have to go to a special school or class which I thought was a joke because she hadn't even seen a paediatrician once only a speech therapists and health visitor. There wasn't anything wrong though, all she did was talk fast and other people other than me and hubby couldn't always understand her. She's fine now, can still talk fast at times but no issues at all. I think a lot of children are get a bit of help from speech and language these days I think because when we were viewing my youngest daughters playgroup they said that a few that attend have a speech therapists coming in.
I echo that you have definitely not failed your children, you sound like you are doing a great job to me

We have finally got an appointment for my daughter's speech and language therapist, it went to our new address which we haven't properly moved into yet, so only seen it yesterday, it's for 28th April so not too far off.