Partner’s mother staying after birth

[livziem]

Hey guys, does anyone have any experience with this/ thoughts? Bare with me it’s a rant/moment of despair

My partners mother is Nigerian and has flown from Nigeria to stay with us in our 2 bed house in the UK during the lead up to the baby (she here now and I am only 28 weeks!) she plans to also be here once the baby is born, and leave our house to see some other uk family members a couple of days after baby is born, only to return soon after and stay with us for a month after that again with me, my OH and the baby.

For all visits she has invited herself, I barely know her due to the fact we live in different countries. I was hoping me and my partner would have the time a few weeks after birth with the baby alone where we could bond with our new baby and also see my mother and my family who are very excited for the arrival. I feel like my partners mother is Taking over, and I can’t bare the thought of her being here immediately after my baby arrives, trying to balance being a new mum, getting the hang of feeding etc, aswell as having her stay in our small house! She dropped the bombshell on me about staying immediately after I give birth today and I don’t feel in a position to tell her “no” straight as I am really trying to make her feel welcome and want her to enjoy her stay with us. I have not been able to speak to my partner as he is out for an important interview and so I will have to talk to him later. I have been in tears as I just feel so overwhelmed and need a bit of space! Ahhhh rant over.

has anyone else ever experienced this or am I just being unkind and inconsiderate?

 

[Rovemongoose]

My mother only lives two hours away and I just spent a week back at my parents and already she wants to come up to Aberdeen and see me. I firmly put my foot down and said no, I need my own space and time by myself. You can come in 4 weeks lol. She didn’t like it but I was craving my own space after being there for only two days lol she is suffocating

 

[Rovemongoose]

I’m 33 weeks I should add

 

[alisha1418]

You are aloud to voice how you feel about her staying after the baby is born. The choice of the child is your and you hubby. I have my mother and mother law who try to say what I can, cannot do with my children all the time.
With my first child I had to deal with my own mother telling me she’ll be the one in the room with me while I give birth while my husband waits outside. Or how I should name my child after my last name. To how I should feed, dress, and that she’ll be helping when baby is born. I put my foot down caused some drama of course but I made it clear to her that she cannot be in the hospital with me. That it’s for me and my husband. That we (husband and I) would be caring, looking after and feeding my child. She finally gave in and has since respected my choices since. It’s been five years since my first child has been born.

If anything you need to be able to voice how you feel and not over stress yourself. This is your time to be a mother with your bundle. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

 

[alisha1418]

Side note: I’ve had another child and one on the way. Still to this day my own mother and mother in law feel the need to tell me how to raise my children. I don’t let it bother me anymore. I’m doing great as it is.

 

[DobbyForever]

I agree with Alisha. I understand that you want to be polite and that things are different because she is from Nigeria. As long as you voice yourself respectfully, you’re totally allowed. You have time to hash it out. Be firm on your boundaries. Maybe she doesn’t stay at your house but had visiting hours. Idk how it works with the U.K., but it’s not the easiest to get month long visas to the US from Nigeria. You may also find that you want an extra set of hands around a few hours a day.

I’m glad that you’re not bothered by the constructive comments people make. Someone always has something to say about your kids. In one ear and out the other

 

[HLx]

I'm with you! My partner's family wants to come over and stay when the baby is born (his mum live in Portugal and his dad in Switzerland) they want to come and stay at our house! I told him I know you don't get to see them very much but if their coming over they will have to stay somewhere else, we have a 3 bedroom house, ones our bedroom, the other is dd and ds and the 3rd is the babys nursery, I'm not coming out of hospital and having people sleeping on poxy airbeds in my living room, his dad will be understanding and will stay at his sisters which is fine, his mum who has falling out with her son in law, has no where else to stay and I'm hoping she's not assuming she's going to stay here! Already my hormones are raging at the idea hahaha

 

[livziem]

Ahh thanks for your supportive responses ladies! I have had a chat with her today about space and crowding immediately after baby is born, and surprisingly she was understanding about the fact we only have a 2 bedroom house and it’s not practical for her to stay until we have got into a routine with our new baby. I have kindly suggested a hotel if she still would like to visit us immediately after birth. It’s hard to not feel selfish but It’s better than being miserable because of a decision that you are not in happy with! Xxx