Partner or...not?

[Soontobe]

So my partner and I have been together 9 years in feb, he broke up with me last july but we've been seeing eachother and sleeping with eachother ever since..note the pregnancy lol.. we are pretty much together now, since telling him (we live together) he hasnt really looked on the bright side of things, his main concerns are:

- money (which is not an issue)
- time (he would be working full time)
- being a 'dad'
- and my favourite one that made me cry 'what are we going to do with it'

one of the last comments he's said to me are 'so you'll be going on the single parent pension right?'
umm does this mean im totally screwed and alone? from now on? should i leave and set up my own little haven somewhere? while i still can?

ahhh

any advise appreciated xox

 

[Tilly]

Have you discussed whether you're going to be in a relationship? or im guesing this is just a casual thing, maybe he thinks it's just sex now and you think otherwise because you're hoping you can be together again? - sorry if I sound harsh, im not trying to be at all!

Sorry to hear hes being like that though

 

[Soontobe]

well we were, and then he recently asked to live with me, so i did, and i suppose the way he touches me in public and kisses me and talks to me, telling me he loves me, and before when we were having sex he was telling me how much he wants to make me pregnant.. and now its just..well i dunno!

 

[Tilly]

Wow, thats confusing! have you both sat down and had a proper heart to heart about this? sounds to me as if he's enjoying the best of both worlds. How are you living together? whos paying I mean? is it equal or do you feel taken advantage of? Maybe he likes the sex and security living with you but doesn't want a relationship? More details needed

 

[Christina]

Hello Soontobe
I am so sorry you are in this situation! I really feel for you. I agree that you need to sit down and seriously talk about this so you know what to do. Maybe he is confused or stressed or something. A realization of parenthood maybe is scary to his...you know saying it and actually confronting it is two different things. If it is something that needs to be talked out maybe some outside help can benefit you two. I wish my best.

 

[Jenny]

Hmm, I would sit down and have a talk with him. Just to see where everything stands because it is very confusing . Also, it sounds like he wanted to be with you and have a baby but when it happened it scared the crap out of him. So it might be good reassure him things will be fine.

 

[Tam]

It could all simply be a shock to his system and it is still sinking in? Give him the benefit of the doubt and see how things progress in the next couple of weeks, but if you are still worried, I would lay my cards on the table and ask him what the hell is going on?

Good Luck hun! x

 

[Soontobe]

Tilly - living together is an equal thing, even though i earn almost double what he does. i'm starting to think the whole thing was just sex, and he would say those things in the heat of the moment..

we havent had a 'heart to heart' yet.. the ice is already cracking, dont want to smash it just yet but thinking im going to have to..

our lease doesnt end for another 6 months, and the thought of moving when im 8months pregnant by myself is terrifying

 

[Tilly]

Tilly - living together is an equal thing, even though i earn almost double what he does. i'm starting to think the whole thing was just sex, and he would say those things in the heat of the moment..

we havent had a 'heart to heart' yet.. the ice is already cracking, dont want to smash it just yet but thinking im going to have to..

our lease doesnt end for another 6 months, and the thought of moving when im 8months pregnant by myself is terrifying

I know it's not all about money, but im guessing you're financially able? No doubt you have strong feelings for him after that amount of time together, but this man will be doing you no good, so you may be better off alone in the long run. As the other girls said, he might be confused and scared, but I have a feeling it's more because he's getting what he wants.. and as you said, saying things in the heat of the moment and keeping you sweet.
He may still have feelings but be confused, you definitely need to speak to him about this. It will be hard on your own, but it's not a solid relationship for your little one in this state.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[Soontobe]

Yeah i am pretty good financially, even by myself...

Should i give him a little bit of time at least? see what happens?

i really cant break our lease anyway.. and that has another 6months yet

we saw a heavily pregnant lady the other day, and i felt a pang of guilt..only later did i think i shouldnt have felt that way.. and that feeling was because of him

i want this so badly, i know i can do it without the relationship but its a matter of actually walking away from it and doing it..

 

[Tilly]

Well, if you wish to give him more time.. if you think it will help, then do it. But if you feel it's not going to change, you should speak to him. You can keep things on as nice (as possible) terms? can you communicate well, or does it turn into an argument? that can be bad and very frustrating eh!
You're right, you shouldn't feel guilty at all and I know it must be hard, but you need to think what you can do for the good of everyone involved.

 

[Soontobe]

We can keep things nice and we dont argue because i always win

If i leave and set up my own shop, so to speak.. i think it would be good for me and bubs but then i would feel guilty for leaving him alone...

this is about how i feel...minus the grin