People complaining about their children...

[pola17]

I may be very unpopular for voicing my thoughts here but I'm sorry girls, I completely disagree. I think it's hard on all of us who have been ttc for some time now with no success (I've been trying for 15months with no joy) but that doesn't give us the right to comment on other people's parenting skills when we have no idea of the difficulties life brings when pregnant or with children (or women who are pregnant with children).

I babysit for my nieces and nephew on a regular basis and yes, they are great children but I would never compare it to having them 24/7. They are golden when they are with me, or other family members but when they are at home they may fight and argue and test my sisters limits to the brink! She has every right to complain but that doesn't mean she regrets them, or somehow doesn't deserve to have them (or doesn't deserve to have them as much as other people may do). She loves her kids to bits and like many things in life, parenthood isn't always a smooth ride.

Many parents who have been TTC for some time and are finally successful may also, at times, rant about being pg or moan about their children, many people even look forward to the opportunity to moan about these things to feel a part of the pg game! Everyone needs to blow off steam at times just as we all do here.

I haven't been subject to the emotional, physical and mental changes (and often traumas) that take over pg women throughout carrying, labour and then a quick succession of typical emptions such as insomnia, no social life (or bombardment of family and friends), depression when the baby arrives and so on. Who knows how we will cope with these changes that take grip of our bodies? If you think you can happily sail through this time then I think that's great! But you'll never know how you'll feel until you're experiencing it. Everyone is different not necessarily better or worse.

I'm sure we'll all be fantastic mothers but to say we will appreciate a baby more than someone who may have taken less time to conceive and may whinge occasionally about being pg or a parent, isn't fair.

I really hope I haven't upset, offended or outraged anyone. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted to air my thoughts without R&R'ing from this thread as it would pick away at my conscience!

I get your point!! I guess, complaining is a good way to stress out! I just hope when my time comes, I have all the patience... Ive stayed weeks 24/7 with my nephew (we call him Carlitos hurricane hehe) and ive survived it! but its exhausting!

But on my previous post, a complaint is not compared, when people act too much like an adult, and expect kids to understand things right away without any explanation, or even trying to listen to them! My nephew is terrible! he doesnt like to hold your hand on public places (for example), so I explained to him, that people can be mean, and take away little kids, and he said he´d miss his mom, so from then on, he holds an adults hand with no problem... now, that problem was solved without much work, but maybe, when my time comes, I will understand what it is like! when other situations, that are much more complicated, come along!

I guess you can be right too! listening to many opinions is always a good thing! Im not offended at all with your comment! is great to be brave and say whats on your mind!

 

[pola17]

You are all so strong and amazing. I'm reading this thread, and I know that you will all be such incredible mothers. I'm a teacher, and I see parents that don't give a crap about their kids...parents that neglect their children, etc. It fires me up. It makes me sick.

You reminded me about something my husband told me! he´s a musician (plays french horn at our national orchestra), but when he was younger, after rehearsals, he would go to the national conservatory to teach kids. He told me, that is normal kids get bored (its classical music anyways), but one day, he made a report, of a boy, who he realized wasnt practising at home, and the boys dad came angry, complaining "why did you made that report?! my boy is going to be an amazing violinist, and he doesnt need to study!". The boys dad realized, the other kids in the same class, could play better, and realized, that his boy needed to follow an schedule, and practise, if he wants to become a great musician one day!

 

[wannabemummyb]

Lea I personally think there is merit in some of what you say but regardless it is your opinion and it may sound weird but I like when someone disagrees with me and has a valid argument, if everyone agreed it would be a dull place.

I think that because of the heartache and struggle my journey ttc has given me, I look at people who are pg or have kids a whinge constantly about it and it annoys me, I'm jealous because they have what I so desperately want. However, these are the people who constantly complain. The odd whinge is a totally different kettle of fish.

I still believe, however, that fighting for something for so long and finally getting it means you appreciate it more. I am not saying getting pg in three months means you don't appreciate the child but the fact it has taken you so long makes you grateful to finally have what you wanted! If that makes sense

 

[LilLeafyLea]

Hi Pola and Wanna,

Thank you both for airing my view out!

@Pola, I completely understand what you mean, I do find it frustrating if the attitude adopted is 'do what I say' without any explanation as the child is often doing something without a valid explanation as to why which can lead to frustrations. A child needs to learn by their actions and develop the tools to use their own reasoning. Then again, I don't agree when parents talk to their children as though they are adults, where children are allowed to join in on adult conversations etc. Children should be children!

@Wanna, I've noticed that my sister tends to complain more around me than my other siblings. I'm not sure if she realises this but I think it's a subconscious attempt at trying to not make me feel so bad about all the great times she enjoys with the kids so I'm not so down about my own attempts to conceive (which she is aware of). It sounds a bit strange as I write this but does it make any sense at all?! Either way I think there are notable differences to be made between people who may be tired and whinge occasionally about being a parent and people who obviously never wanted to be parents in the first place and don't have any positive words to say about them.

I agree with your last point however (good point, well made), I guess what I was doing earlier was confuse the word 'appreciate' with 'love'. Someone who may not fully appreciate falling pg or having children as much may not necessarily mean that they love their child(ren) any less. I've gone through the emotions of a BFP in my head/dreams for so long, you could give me a winning lottery ticket and the feelings wouldn't come anywhere near that of being pg!


xxx

 

[wannabemummyb]

Hi lea

No problem, everyone deserves to be able to air their views!

What you said about your sister makes complete sense hun. I completely agree with you regarding the difference between those who always complain and come across as though they never wanted to be parents and those who have an off day. It is human nature that we whinge at times! for example, i didn't have periods for years, they are starting to come back and i whinged the other month because of period pains! Only because I was in pain at that point.

Love and appreciation are completely different things, although can occur at the same time.

X

 

[pola17]

Hi Pola and Wanna,

Thank you both for airing my view out!

@Pola, I completely understand what you mean, I do find it frustrating if the attitude adopted is 'do what I say' without any explanation as the child is often doing something without a valid explanation as to why which can lead to frustrations. A child needs to learn by their actions and develop the tools to use their own reasoning. Then again, I don't agree when parents talk to their children as though they are adults, where children are allowed to join in on adult conversations etc. Children should be children!

xxx

I know!! I see how my sister hasnt forgot about thinking like a kid, but being mature enough to educate my nephew! it inspires me, how shes always using her imagination to amuse him, and how he adores her! but still, my nephew is very.... energetic! but still, she seems to enjoy his ways of wasting his energy!

I hope when its my turn, I can be a cool mom like my own, or like my sis

 

[readyformore]

Okay, so I know children can drive a person crazy. I've worked as a nanny/at a daycare.

But, ever since I started TTC, it really bothers me when I hear ppl complaining about their kids. My sister has 3 kids under the age of 4, so I totally see how she feels overwhelmed. At the same time, I feel like she's constantly just complaining about how hard it is to be a mom and the hassle of having kids. She loves her babies and is a great mom, but she uses her experience to try to get me to wait to have a baby. I'm all for alone married time, but even when I'm pregnant, there's still 9 months till the baby actually comes out lol!

I just don't understand. I know kids can be difficult, but I love HER babies soooo much! I can't wait to see how much more I'll love my own. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Does it make you feel upset... at least a little bit?

Yeah, it bothers me when people act that way, and I have 3 kids.
I know of women that work 60+ hours a week just because they don't want to have to take care of their kids. It drives me nuts and makes me feel bad for their kids.

 

[readyformore]

.

I still believe, however, that fighting for something for so long and finally getting it means you appreciate it more. I am not saying getting pg in three months means you don't appreciate the child but the fact it has taken you so long makes you grateful to finally have what you wanted! If that makes sense

I just had to pop in and say that my first was 19 months ttc with 4 IUIs. My second was ntnp ONCE. . . ever. Honestly, it doesn't matter if you struggle to get pregnant or have a surprise pregnancy, you feel just as grateful for both (at least I do, and I believe that many others feel this way as well). I love my children the same, cried at both of their births, and again when they started kindergarten. Not trying to argue, just letting you know that emotions don't necessarily work the way we sometimes think that they will.
Hope you get your baby soon!

 

[overthemoon]

I may be very unpopular for voicing my thoughts here but I'm sorry girls, I completely disagree. I think it's hard on all of us who have been ttc for some time now with no success (I've been trying for 15months with no joy) but that doesn't give us the right to comment on other people's parenting skills when we have no idea of the difficulties life brings when pregnant or with children (or women who are pregnant with children).

I babysit for my nieces and nephew on a regular basis and yes, they are great children but I would never compare it to having them 24/7. They are golden when they are with me, or other family members but when they are at home they may fight and argue and test my sisters limits to the brink! She has every right to complain but that doesn't mean she regrets them, or somehow doesn't deserve to have them (or doesn't deserve to have them as much as other people may do). She loves her kids to bits and like many things in life, parenthood isn't always a smooth ride.

Many parents who have been TTC for some time and are finally successful may also, at times, rant about being pg or moan about their children, many people even look forward to the opportunity to moan about these things to feel a part of the pg game! Everyone needs to blow off steam at times just as we all do here.

I haven't been subject to the emotional, physical and mental changes (and often traumas) that take over pg women throughout carrying, labour and then a quick succession of typical emptions such as insomnia, no social life (or bombardment of family and friends), depression when the baby arrives and so on. Who knows how we will cope with these changes that take grip of our bodies? If you think you can happily sail through this time then I think that's great! But you'll never know how you'll feel until you're experiencing it. Everyone is different not necessarily better or worse.

I'm sure we'll all be fantastic mothers but to say we will appreciate a baby more than someone who may have taken less time to conceive and may whinge occasionally about being pg or a parent, isn't fair.

I really hope I haven't upset, offended or outraged anyone. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted to air my thoughts without R&R'ing from this thread as it would pick away at my conscience!

For me, what I mostly mean is I get that people need to vent sometimes, but for some of the ladies I know, it really bothers me when they are mean to their kids. For an example, this one girl I went to high school with will be texting on her phone, and her daughter will be trying to tell her something, and keep tapping her leg to get her attention. And her mom will keep ignoring her and then finally blow up screaming WHAT?????
It breaks my heart to see the look on her daughter's face, who isn't sure at all why she's being yelled at when all she wanted to do was say something to her mom. I think sometimes some parents get frustrated because they expect kids to understand some things that kids just don't understand without an explanation.

 

[pola17]

For me, what I mostly mean is I get that people need to vent sometimes, but for some of the ladies I know, it really bothers me when they are mean to their kids. For an example, this one girl I went to high school with will be texting on her phone, and her daughter will be trying to tell her something, and keep tapping her leg to get her attention. And her mom will keep ignoring her and then finally blow up screaming WHAT?????
It breaks my heart to see the look on her daughter's face, who isn't sure at all why she's being yelled at when all she wanted to do was say something to her mom. I think sometimes some parents get frustrated because they expect kids to understand some things that kids just don't understand without an explanation.

Ohhh!! Ive seen it! you just reminded me that! Ive seen kids trying to get attention from their parents, and theyre talking to someone else, and dont even give 1 second of attention... the funny thing of my story, is that, that girl wanted to go to the restroom, and because both her parents didnt heard her saying she wanted to pee, she peed on her pants! and then they wonder why that happens!

 

[Quackquack99]

I've seen my sister go through the most horrendous ttc journey. After 4 years and several losses, she finally conceived. And even she said that the hormonal, physical and emotional changes we go through can make the logical person be illogical therefore were prone to have a rant. I'm sure there are a lot of women who have pnd undiagnosed. My own mother suffered from ppp which is the severe form of pnd, so I think she was entitled to a moan when we played up. To be honest I know every child different but I don't think these mothers are not grateful for their kids. I just think that there are factors that we don't know about in other people lives

 

[Hena]

I've seen my sister go through the most horrendous ttc journey. After 4 years and several losses, she finally conceived. And even she said that the hormonal, physical and emotional changes we go through can make the logical person be illogical therefore were prone to have a rant. I'm sure there are a lot of women who have pnd undiagnosed. My own mother suffered from ppp which is the severe form of pnd, so I think she was entitled to a moan when we played up. To be honest I know every child different but I don't think these mothers are not grateful for their kids. I just think that there are factors that we don't know about in other people lives

I agree, but it's still REALLY hard for me to hear/ read now and I'm going to try and keep that in mind when I'm finally successful and be careful who I rant at or in front of.

 

[LittleLove]

Okay, so I know children can drive a person crazy. I've worked as a nanny/at a daycare.

But, ever since I started TTC, it really bothers me when I hear ppl complaining about their kids. My sister has 3 kids under the age of 4, so I totally see how she feels overwhelmed. At the same time, I feel like she's constantly just complaining about how hard it is to be a mom and the hassle of having kids. She loves her babies and is a great mom, but she uses her experience to try to get me to wait to have a baby. I'm all for alone married time, but even when I'm pregnant, there's still 9 months till the baby actually comes out lol!

I just don't understand. I know kids can be difficult, but I love HER babies soooo much! I can't wait to see how much more I'll love my own. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Does it make you feel upset... at least a little bit?

This really bothers me as well. All my friends are really excited for me and my OH that we are trying for a baby. However, they often say things like "I hope you don't have a kid like mine!"